The Space Between
by Morgan Weber
Summary: Fut.Fic.-Seq. to Between Friends and Lovers. Not necessary to read BFAL but might explain some details and history.  Please see the first chapter for a full summary.  There's not enough room to explain it properly here.
1. Chapter 1

**Summary: Set 10 years after the conclusion of Between Friends and Lovers. A lot can change in ten years. Tragedy and bad choices have Puck and Rachel living two very separate lives. When a family emergency brings Rachel back to Lima after 5 years of avoiding the town and the man that broke her heart she finds that old wounds haven't healed and that her past and her future are more entwined than she ever realized. The question she now needs to answer is can she ever forgive the man she thought she hated so that he can finally forgive himself?**

**A/N: I was going to try to write this entire story before I started posting it, but I'm really bad at following through with those kinds of plans. For one thing, I love input and for another thing, getting reviews and update requests keeps me motivated to write. So here's the thing, I already have this story written in my head. I know how it begins. I know the main scenes for the middle. I know how it will end. It will be completed. I just can't guarantee regular updates because I have people in my life that don't understand that I can't write when they come in my room and stare at me or try to have a conversation. lol Sorry, personal issues. If it helps at all, the seed for this story was planted while I was listening to Vindicated by Dashboard Confessional. I thought, how sad that he doesn't realize what he's given up until he see's that she's moved on with someone else and that she doesn't realize how much she lost until she see's him being the man she always knew he could be. Ta Da! The Space Between was born and since I needed a history not based on the actual show in order to write it I chose to make it a sequel to Between Friends and Lovers. Phew! That was a long author's note. Please stay tuned for a short disclaimer and our regularly scheduled story will begin. :)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or any of the characters. They are the sole property of Fox, its affiliates, Ryan Murphy, Brad Falchuk, and Ian Brennan. (Lucky dogs!)**

**CHAPTER ONE**

Puck weaved expertly through the tables in the restaurant as he made his way toward the kitchen, smiling at the wait staff as he passed them carrying trays and taking orders from hungry patrons. He pushed through the swinging doors and left behind the sound of clinking dishes and blended murmurs of conversations for the much louder sound of the kitchen staff shouting information to each other as food sizzled on grills and mouthwatering aromas filled the air. "Busy night?" he asked with a smile as he placed a strong hand on the shoulder of his head chef. The skinny blonde man grinned in response. "Friday night and the grill is jumping, Boss," he said with a strong Kentucky accent. Puck laughed and continued on his way past the grills and prep stations. When he reached the steel doors of the walk-in refrigerator he turned right and walked purposefully down a hallway stacked to the ceiling with shelves of dried goods until he came to a staircase. He climbed them quickly as he pulled a set of keys from the front pocket of his jeans and unlocked the red door at the top of the landing with the smooth ease that came with a practiced motion.

Closing the door behind him he took a calming breath as the din that echoed from below the stairs disappeared. The office was large, with enough room for a full-sized dark walnut desk, two plush arm chairs that sat across from it, their backs to the office door so that the person sitting at the desk could see who entered the room, and an oversized full-length couch that rested against the far wall next to a door that led to a full bathroom. He had chosen dark reds and dark woods when filling the office with the necessary furniture because he'd seen the set up in a magazine and had liked the way it had looked. Sophisticated. Powerful. It would have been exceptionally dark if not for the abundance of lighting and a large window that let plenty of sunshine in and gave him an excellent view of the alley that separated his business from the antique shop on the next block over.

Currently there was no sunshine streaming through the window and he walked over to pull the blood red drapes closed before he made his way behind the desk and sat in the black leather chair waiting for him. Puck pushed a button on the computer monitor in front of him and as he waited for it to boot up he began going through the stack of mail that Jack Davis had left in his inbox. He'd hired Jack about six months ago and so far everything had been working out really well. They were similar in their management styles and Puck appreciated that Jack usually handled the day to day issues that came with running the restaurant in the same manner he would. Take care of your staff and they'll take care of your customers. He shook his head in disbelief as he realized it had only been two years since he'd opened The Gold Star Bar and Grill and already he needed someone else to help with operations.

It had put him in debt up to his eyeballs, but he'd purchased the property in downtown Lima and had spent an enormous amount of time and money gutting and remodeling the place to make it exactly what he wanted. He personally interviewed and hand-picked every single staff member and for the first year he lived in his office and sunk every penny of profit back into the restaurant. Technically, it was a bar and grill, but it wasn't the usual bar and grill that Lima was used to. It was more upscale with a dining area lined with intimate booths and an open floor filled with tables. The bar was separated by a half wall and on Tuesdays and Wednesdays karaoke kept it packed with half-drunk parties belting out the latest pop hit or laughing along to some classic song their parents grew up singing. Fridays and Saturdays he kept the crowds coming with live music that could be heard no matter where you were sitting. Artie Abrams had become a music producer and he sent new bands that needed performance experience and would accept a gig on the cheap Puck's way. It didn't take long for The Gold Star to become the weekend hot spot for fresh music, good booze, and great food.

When the restaurant finally went into the black almost a year ago and Puck was able to pay off the largest of his debts he started putting some of the profits away in an account he refused to touch until he had enough for a down payment on a new building. Six months ago he hired Jack so that he could focus on opening his latest business, a jazz bar in Cincinnati that he named Treble Clef. Already it was turning a small profit and had been written up in the Cincinnati Enquirer entertainment section as one of the hottest new music venues in town. The two thriving businesses kept him busy traveling between Lima and Cincinnati and many of his friends had questioned him about why he didn't just move to the larger city. He had simply told them that Lima was home. What he couldn't tell them was that he didn't think he could ever leave Lima. There were too many memories. Too many familiar places he would pass by in his daily routines or go out of his way to visit, just to let the memories wash over him. To remind himself of what was important, of what he'd lost and what he'd gained.

He'd been in Cincinnati for nearly a week and the pile of mail waiting for him was substantial. His hands paused in their methodical sorting as he opened the folded Entertainment Weekly magazine and stared at the smiling brown eyes looking back at him from the cover. His heart clenched in the now familiar pain of loss and regret as he read the title splashed across the bottom of the page. "A Berry Good Time" it read just below Rachel's smiling face. He knew he was a glutton for punishment, but he couldn't stop himself from turning the pages quickly to the article inside the magazine, secretly hoping that there would be more pictures of the young star. He was not disappointed.

Puck couldn't help smiling to himself as he skimmed the article and interview, chuckling a little out loud as he caught the demure way she answered some of the questions the interviewer had asked. She had definitely come a long way from being interviewed by Jacob Ben Israel for the McKinley High paper. He tried to let go of the jealousy that nearly overwhelmed him when the reporter asked about her real life romance. After all, it was entirely his fault that five years ago she dumped him, left Lima, and never returned.

He sighed as he forced himself to close the magazine and gently slid it into a drawer in his desk that held every other article published on her. He called it his "Rachel drawer" and sometimes, just to torture himself, he'd pull it all out just to read the words she spoke to strangers and gaze at her beautiful face smiling back at him. It was the only way he'd ever get to see that smile again and he knew it. Even though he closed the drawer he couldn't put away the thoughts and memories now troubling his mind.

They'd been together for five years when it ended with one stupid drunken night. He could still remember the hurt and pain in Rachel's eyes when she'd walked into his apartment to find the blonde in his bed and even through the haze of still being drunk he'd felt her heart break from across the room. He'd loved Rachel Berry to the depth of his soul and if he was being honest with himself, he still loved her and probably always would. He had truly never thought he would cheat on her, but he also never thought that he'd be responsible for the death of his best friend. A lot had happened in the ten years since he and Rachel had first started dating and not all of it was good. With a small smile he realized that not all of it was bad either.

Rachel had gone back to New York to finish her junior year at Juilliard and he never heard another word from her. Of course, he didn't really try at the time. He was too busy flunking out of Ohio State and drowning his grief and anger in alcohol. Half way through her senior year he couldn't avoid hearing about her anymore because she had starred in a fellow classmate's dramatic independent venture that hit it big at Sundance, got picked up by a major studio and by the time of her graduation Rachel Berry was the name on the tip of everyone's tongue. She moved to Los Angeles immediately, got an agent and a manager and quickly found her next role in a wisely chosen romantic comedy that showcased her range and suddenly she was a household name.

In the last couple years she had done two more movies, both of them raking in millions in the box office and he knew from different internet websites that she had just finished filming her latest movie with her current boyfriend and co-star, Craig Landon. Puck had seen the guy in interviews and wondered what exactly Rachel saw in him. He seemed like a total douche, but who was he to judge anyway. She was probably just looking for someone who would treat her better and not cheat on her. Puck's thoughts were interrupted by a soft knock on his office door. "Yes," he called out as he took a cleansing breath to try to push thoughts of his ex-girlfriend from his mind.

The door opened to reveal a small woman carrying a tray and wearing a large smile. She crossed toward Puck's desk and deftly placed the tall glass of brown liquid and steaming plate of food in front of him. "How are things going downstairs?" he asked her with a grateful smile.

"Hectic but smooth," she replied. Pointing at the pile of fries on his plate she added, "Matt sent those up. They're not on the menu, but he's been experimenting and he wanted you to try it and let him know what you think."

Puck nodded and immediately reached for one of the large criss-cut fries sitting on the plate. They were hot and perfectly golden brown with some sort of white cheese sauce drizzled over the top of them. At the first taste his eyes bulged and he let out an appreciative groan. The waitress laughed as she started to head toward the door. "That's what I said," she smiled at her boss.

"Jessica," Puck said quickly before she could pull the door shut behind her. "Thanks for bringing this up, I was starving. And could you please tell Matt to put together a list of the ingredients he uses to make these awesome, mouthwatering fries so we can figure out how much to charge when we add them to the menu?" The young waitress gave another laugh and said, "Sure thing, Puck," then closing the door behind her she headed back down to her waiting customers.

The food and iced tea that had been delivered by his thoughtful staff served the purpose of bringing his mind back to his current life and away from his regrets over Rachel. He finished sorting his mail, tossing the junk immediately into the trash can and making two piles of the rest. One that needed immediate response and the other that could wait a while. For the next few hours he worked on his computer, combing over spreadsheets and profit and loss reports, making sure that vendors were being paid promptly so he could get every discount available to him, and answering e-mails that had piled up in his electronic inbox. The sharp ring of the phone on his desk shocked him out of his concentrated thought and he immediately looked at the clock. It was almost midnight and the restaurant would be closing in a few minutes.

The caller id informed him that the call was coming from downstairs and he assumed it was Jack. Pressing the speaker phone button he simply said, "Puckerman."

"Puck," Jack's voice came loudly into the previously silent room, "could you come down here?"

"Sure, what's up?" he asked as he began to rise from his chair. He assumed it had something to do with either a disgruntled customer or employee, but it was odd for Jack to ask for his help in handling something like that. Usually he was able to take care of it unless the owner was specifically asked for.

"Sheriff Karofsky is here. He's asking to speak to you."

Puck felt an instant pit form in his stomach and he felt nauseated. It was never a good thing when the Sheriff asked to speak to you specifically. His mind raced as he made his way down the stairs, reversing the route he'd taken earlier, as he tried to think of what he may have done. Maybe it was one of his employees or a customer accusing them of something. If it was a legal matter he determined in his mind to not say a word until he'd called Daniel.

He forced a welcoming, somewhat unsure, smile on his face as he approached the man in uniform. It still felt weird to think of him as the Sheriff when he'd spent so many years in high school with the guy. "Sheriff," Puck said as he reached out his hand to shake the huge paw of the elected official standing to the side of the now empty entrance. It was late, the place was about to close and the only people left were a few stragglers finishing up their conversations and paying their bills. "What can I do for you?"

Sheriff David Karofsky cleared his throat in a nervous manner. He loved his job, but like most officers of the law he hated this part of it. "I was wondering if you're still close with the Berry family," he questioned.

Puck's heart missed a beat as he was completely taken off guard with the line of questioning. "They're friends," he replied quickly adding, "Daniel Berry's my attorney. What's going on?"

"What about Rachel?" the Sheriff asked. "Do you know how to get in touch with her?"

From the way he refused to meet Puck's eyes he knew this wasn't about trying to get in touch with the celebrity to see if she'd help raise money for the Sheriff's Charity Fundraiser. "What's happened Karofsky?" Puck growled out as fear coursed through him in hot waves.

(*********************************)

"Max, I just can't keep doing this," Rachel said in a low voice so as not to attract any unwanted attention, but her anger showed in the way she stabbed chunks of spinach from her salad with her fork. It was ten o'clock at night and she was having a dinner meeting with her manager who also acted as her publicist, but what she really wanted to be doing at that moment was reading one of the trashy novels Tina had sent her as she curled up on her couch with a blanket and her rescued calico, Bernie named after the consummate Broadway star, Miss Bernadette Peters. When Max had discovered her guilty pleasure of historic romance novels he had insisted that she either give them up or have someone else purchase them because he didn't want the paparazzi using it against her. She had tried to give them up, but after two weeks with no stress relief, which is what they provided, she had called Tina at her art studio in San Francisco and begged her to mail some to her.

"Rachel, sweetie," Max said with a soothing voice as he tried to placate his star, "I know it's difficult, but the movie's just about to come out. The fact that you two are together makes people more excited to see it. They want to watch the two of you on screen and feel the chemistry so they can go home and tell themselves that they'll find that kind of love in their own lives."

"But it's a lie," Rachel hissed. "I don't love Craig and he doesn't love me. We're not even together. I'm fine with acting for a role, but this is my life Max. I can't act my way through my life." She looked down at her plate as she forced herself to gain control of the tears that threatened just behind her eyes. She had been in L.A. for three years without any type of vacation and it was beginning to take its toll. Oh, she'd traveled the world, but only for work. She had been in New York six months ago for a string of interviews, but she hadn't even had time to see any of her friends from Juilliard before she was catching a flight for London to begin yet another string of interviews and guest appearances. She was tired and sometimes she felt as though she was forgetting who she was.

"When the rumors came out about you two," Max continued, not paying attention to the young woman sitting across from him staring down at her unfinished salad, "and I came to you with my plan to fake a romance, you both agreed to it. You and Craig both know that while audiences love a good love story on the big screen, they love the story behind the screen even more."

"But I," Rachel began but she instantly quieted at the slight raise of his hand. In the next instant a young girl with long blonde hair and sparkling blue eyes was standing at her table with a nervous smile. She couldn't have been more than thirteen years old and she stuttered as she spoke.

"Ms. B-B-Berry, I don't mean to b-b-bother you, but I was wondering if you wouldn't mind s-s-signing this for me?"

Rachel beamed at the young girl. "Of course, honey. What's your name?" she asked as she took the small autograph book that had been handed to her. This was really one of her favorite perks about the path her career had taken. The fans were amazing and while sometimes she wished for some privacy it was usually from the paparazzi that followed her everywhere, not from the actual fans that paid to watch her movies.

"Karen," the young girl said quietly as she continued to gaze adoringly at Rachel. As Rachel wrote on the page the girl gained some courage and spoke up. "My family's here on vacation. I've seen all your movies, like, a dozen times and I was really hoping that I'd get to see you, but my mom said not to get my hopes up because Los Angeles is a really big city and the chances of even seeing you would be slim and plus you might be out of the country or on location or something. But then we were on our way to our hotel and I looked in the window and saw you sitting here and I just about died. So my mom said we could come in and get drinks so that I could see you, but then I was so nervous and I wasn't sure if you gave autographs or not because I know there are some movie stars that don't really like to, but then I thought how nice you seem in all your interviews...so I took a chance," she finished.

Rachel laughed as she handed the autograph book back to the young blonde. "Well I'm glad that you found the courage to come over to me. It was very nice to meet you Karen. This is something you should remember, because if you don't at least try to get the things you want then you'll never know if you can have them or not." The girl smiled in response and looked down to see what Rachel had written in her book. It read, "Karen, follow your dreams wherever they may take you. Love, Rachel Berry".

"Thank you so much, Miss Berry," the girl gushed.

The brunette could feel her managers impatient eyes upon her, but she didn't care. She wanted to postpone the conversation she'd been having with him so she asked Karen, "Are you enjoying your vacation so far?"

If it was even possible the blonde's smile grew even larger at the realization that her idol was actually speaking to her and asking her personal questions. "Oh yes. We spent two days at Disneyland and today we walked around Beverly Hills and did a bunch of shopping. Tomorrow we're going to the beach and I'm super excited because it'll be my first time seeing the ocean. As you know, there's no ocean in Ohio."

Rachel gave a slight start but quickly recovered. "You're from Ohio?"

"Yes," her excited fan answered. "Just like you. I live in Cleveland, though. Whenever we go to visit my grandma in Dayton I beg my mom to take me to Lima, but she says it would be out of our way and there's nothing there to see. I've tried to explain to her that there's plenty to see because it's where you grew up, but she doesn't understand. She says when I get old enough to drive and pay for the gas and insurance myself then I can go to Lima whenever I want."

Rachel couldn't help chuckling at the little girls exuberance and clear fan obsession. It reminded her of how she had felt at that age about Patti Lupone and Barbra Streisand. Even so, the mention of Lima, Ohio brought back a flood of memories, both good and bad. She felt a tug in her heart, almost a longing to see the small town again, to spend time with her fathers in her old house instead of them coming to L.A. and staying in a hotel the way they had last time.

"Well you have fun at the beach tomorrow Karen," Rachel told the girl as she reluctantly turned to go with her mother who was now standing at the door to the restaurant and pointing at her watch to show how late it was. "Thank you so much, Miss Berry," the girl smiled before she left.

Max's fingers were drumming impatiently against the table as he grumbled, "Do you really need to give every single fan an interview? All she wanted was an autograph. You sign it and move on. That's what's tiring you out. You're giving too much of yourself to every fan that walks up to you."

"No," Rachel replied quietly. "What's tiring me out is living a lie. Even my dads think that I'm dating Craig in order to keep up the appearance. I'm telling you Max I can't keep doing this. I'm losing myself in the lie and I promised myself that I would never live a lie again." Even as the words left her mouth her mind flipped instantly back to five years ago as she had walked into Puck's apartment. She could see the laundry littering the floor and smell the stench of stale alcohol still in the air. Her heart froze in her chest as if it were all happening again for the first time and not just a memory as she stood in the doorway to his bedroom and saw him lying there with a sheet barely covering him. And then beside him, a smooth bare back with blonde hair splayed across the pillow lay the woman that had been at the root of every heartache Rachel had ever felt, Quinn Fabray. She could see Puck's eyes slowly open. See that he was still drunk. See the guilt wash over him as he looked at her but didn't say a single word as she spun around and left his life forever.

She reached out with a shaking hand and picked up the goblet of water resting beside her plate. She focused on the act of swallowing the water, feeling the cold liquid burn her throat as it made its way to her stomach. It made her feel better which reminded her again of her fathers and how much she missed them, which made her pause and take another slow drink before she set the glass back down. Just then her phone began to buzz quietly in her purse and she reached for it, her brow quizzical as she didn't know the number but recognized it as an Ohio area code. "Hello?" she said quietly as she placed the phone to her ear. It was 10:18. She would always remember that she received the phone call that changed her life at 10:18.


	2. Chapter 2

**CHAPTER TWO**

Rachel tapped her fingers anxiously on the steering wheel as each mile she drove brought her closer to Lima. The flight and drive had given her mind time to slow down and now she flitted between fear of what she would find when she reached her destination and worry over how she would handle being home again after such a long time away. When she'd initially received the phone call her mind and body had immediately gone into emergency mode. She had briefly told Max what was going on and that she would be flying home that evening. He'd called a cab for her and on the drive to her apartment she had called the airline and booked herself on the first possible flight out of LAX landing in Cincinnati, Ohio. She'd told the driver to wait for her and had ransacked her apartment as she threw together a carry on, grabbing only the essentials, then back to the taxi to take her to the airport. The hundred dollar tip she offered him if he got her there in twenty minutes had proved to be a wonderful incentive.

As she had sat on the plane she realized that she now had a six hour flight in which to imagine every possible horror that could greet her in Lima once she got there. She had raced to the car rental agency and had been on the highway within fifteen minutes of debarking the plane. As she passed a sign that informed her that there were only ten miles left in her journey she chuckled to herself that she could so totally be in a celebrity season of The Amazing Race. She squinted and flipped the car visor down as the rising sun shown in her eyes. She made a mental note to pick up a pair of sunglasses when she had a chance.

As the sun illuminated the surrounding landscape Rachel was suddenly struck with the beauty of the gently rolling land. She had always craved the busy city streets of New York with its towering skyscrapers and crowded sidewalks, but as she watched the sun glint off of dew covered fields in an amazing array of shades of green it actually took her breath away. She felt a tightening in her chest and tears sprung to her eyes as she realized that no matter how much distance or time she put between her and Lima, it would always be home. There were too many firsts that took place here; too many moments, that when put together, helped to make her the person she was. She could never escape this town and its memories and she had been silly to try.

She began to slow as she entered the city limits and turned the car in the direction of the hospital. It was early, but still there were a few cars on the road and she could sense the stirring of life in the houses she passed. As she turned down a familiar street she realized she was going to drive past William McKinley High School and she gripped the steering wheel with a mixture of nervous anticipation and dread. She made a mental note to stop in and see if Mr. Schuester was still on the faculty before she left town, if she had the emotional capacity to do so. With that she remembered why she was in Lima and the phone call she'd received eight hours ago, well ten if she counted the time difference.

It had been jarring to hear Karofsky's voice on the other end of the phone. For a moment her muscles had tensed in an involuntary flinch as she expected to be drenched in an ice cold, sugary, sticky bath of blue, red, or purple, or whatever color the jocks had decided to purchase this time. She had relaxed when she remembered she was on the phone and not in high school any longer. His words had been worse than a thousand slushy facials and she would have gladly taken a bath in any flavor of his choosing rather than hear what he was telling her.

"Rachel Berry?"

"Yes?" she had responded tentatively.

"This is Dave Karofsky. You may remember me from high school, but I'm calling you because I'm the Sheriff here in Lima now. I don't know how else to say this other than to just come out with it. There's been an accident."

"What kind of accident?" Rachel asked as her heart began to race. It had to be one of her dads. That was the only reason Sheriff Karofsky would be calling her, but then why wasn't it her other dad that was calling?

"Your fathers are Daniel and Marcus Berry, correct?"

"Yes," she barely breathed into the phone.

"They were involved in a car accident that appears at this time to be alcohol related. They are both currently in Lima General Hospital. Your father Marcus appears to have relatively minor injuries and is stable, however your father Daniel is much more critical. It's been recommended by the physicians attending to him that you come here as soon as possible."

"I'll be there."

That was ten hours and nearly 2,000 miles ago and now all Rachel could think about was that phone call and getting to the hospital. Questions whirled in her mind. Who had been drinking? Certainly not her fathers. Her dad, Marcus, had been a recovering alcoholic for the last thirty years and out of respect and support for his husband, Daniel had given up alcohol as well. How was the other driver? Would they be facing charges? What kind of injuries could her dad have that would make him be labeled as stable, but still have to be in the hospital? And the worst question of all, would her daddy still be listed as critical or would she be too late? There were just a few more miles until she reached Lima General and these questions continued to circle each other in an endless loop in her mind. Without warning her mind traveled back in time to five years ago when she'd received a very similar phone call.

_Rachel could hear the distant notes of "Defying Gravity" playing and for a moment she thought it was part of her dream. Slowly she realized that she wasn't the one singing and she opened her eyes to stare bleary-eyed at the digital readout on her alarm clock. 2:15. Who in the world would be calling her at 2:15 in the morning? She groaned as she reached a hand out and grasped blindly for her cell phone. The song stopped just as she pulled it to her so she flipped quickly to the missed calls. Mike Chang? "Ugh!" she harumphed loudly as she buried her head back into her pillow. She was going to have to have a talk with him about drunk dialing her._

_Just as she began to drift back to sleep the plaintive notes of her ring tone blasted through her dorm room once again. In frustration she grabbed the phone and angrily answered, "Mike, I'm trying to sleep. If you're drunk and need a ride home then you need to call someone that's at least actually in Ohio and not New York."_

"_Rachel."_

_With the utterance of one simple word she could hear in his voice that he wasn't drunk. In fact, it was quite possible that Mike Chang was the most sober that he'd ever been in his life. She glanced at the clock again. "What's happened?" she asked breathlessly._

"_Rachel," he began again quietly, trying to buy time as he searched for the right words. In reality there were no right words, just the truth. "Rachel, there's been an accident. Puck and Sam were hit by a drunk driver tonight. Puck's in the hospital."_

"_Is he going to be okay?" she asked as tears instantly welled up in her eyes. "How badly is he hurt?"_

"_Some cuts and bruises, a broken arm," Mike answered her, "but the doctors seem to think he'll be okay."_

"_I'm going to get the first flight out. Mike, can you tell him I'm coming and I'll be there as soon as I can?" she asked as she flung back the covers and began frantically pulling clothes out of her drawers and making a list in her mind of what she would need to bring and which professors she would need to e-mail to let them know she wouldn't be in class._

"_Rachel."_

_Mike's tone of voice stopped her in her tracks and she stood in the middle of her small room at Juilliard feeling suddenly as if the other shoe were about to drop. And then she remembered what Mike had said. Sam and Puck were in an accident. "Mike, how's Sam?"_

_There was no answer and her voice rose in pitch as she asked again more sharply. "Mike, how is Sam?"_

_The room spun as she heard his voice crack with his next words. "Rachel, Sam's dead."_

Rachel took a deep calming breath as she followed the signs that labeled visitor parking. Turning the key toward her she listened to the soft clicking noise the engine made as it cooled. She sat there for a while, letting the memories of an old heartache wash over her. She reached up and flipped open the mirror hidden in the visor. As she wiped the tears from her face and quickly touched up her make-up she spoke aloud to herself. "It won't be the same. It can't be the same. You're going to walk into that hospital and you're going to be strong for your dads. You will not fall apart." She squared her shoulders, took another deep breath and finally exited the car.

(*********************************)

"_Give me the keys, bro."_

"_But I'm the driver," Puck slurred with a smile, "you know I was designed."_

_Sam laughed as he took the keys from Puck's outstretched hand. "You were designated, which means you weren't supposed to drink tonight."_

_Puck weaved slowly across the lawn of whoever's house it was that they were leaving as he followed the bleach-blonde man to the car. He was feeling pretty good. He'd just finished his sophomore year at Ohio State University – Lima Campus and he was still dating Rachel, which was a fete pretty much everyone they knew thought was amazing._

_He clung to Sam drunkenly as his friend tried to help him into the car. "I'm sorry Sam. You're a good friend." He took a shocked breath as if he'd just discovered that chocolate and peanut butter are good together and said, "You're my best friend. I'm sorry I'm not good at designing."_

"_It's designating, man and it's okay. I saw you taking shots and stopped drinking hours ago." Sam shut the car door and made his way around to the driver's side, shaking his head and chuckling on his way. He and Puck had become friends their junior year of high school when his family had moved to Lima. He hadn't known it at the time, but things had fallen together perfectly for the two of them to become best friends. Puck and Finn weren't even speaking for the first few months of that year, Sam was the new kid hoping to make a good impression and when Puck tested him his first day and he'd given back verbal jibes just as well as he took them the two had become instant bros. They were so close that sometimes their girlfriends would tease them about being jealous of the bromance going on right in front of them. So Sam had known before they even started out to the party that evening that Puck would quickly forget to not drink based solely on the mood his best friend was in when he'd picked him up at his apartment._

_Puck rolled his head against the back of the seat as if it were too heavy to lift. "You're so lucky, bro. You don't even know," he said tiredly as the massive amount of alcohol he had consumed began to make him more tired than emotional._

"_Why am I so lucky?" Sam asked him as he pulled onto the nearly deserted street. It was almost one o'clock in the morning and the streets were practically empty._

"_Because," Puck stated emphatically, "you live with Quinn. You go to the same school. You get to see her every day, whenever you want. You get to go to bed with her and wake up next to her in the morning. Dude, do you know what I would give to be able to have that with Rachel?"_

_Sam smiled wide at the truth of Puck's statement. He'd been infatuated with Quinn since the moment he'd first seen her walking down the McKinley High hallway. He could still remember it like it was yesterday. She'd been wearing her red Cheerios uniform and her blonde hair was up in a high pony tail. She had this walk that wasn't exactly a strut, it was too graceful to be a strut, but it was still commanding and confident. And in the end it was her eyes that had ended him. He could get lost in those eyes. By the beginning of their senior year she finally gave into him and they'd been together ever since. He couldn't help the large grin that covered his face as he thought about her even as Puck bemoaned his own romantic situation._

"_We've been doing this long-distance thing for two years and I'm not saying that I'm tired of it, but dude, I'm tired of it. Like, not tired of Rachel because I love her, man. Sam, I love her so much that I'm willing to live in separate states for most of the year just so I can be with her whenever possible. But she's supposed to be here now and she's not because she took an extra course that lasts two weeks longer than any other courses. What's up with that?" Puck asked angrily, his arms flying up in frustration and then quickly falling back down into his lap when he realized he still didn't have much control of his limbs._

"_I know it's rough, Puck," Sam spoke consolingly to his drunken friend as he turned onto Main Street and began heading toward Puck's apartment. "But you know Rachel loves you and she wouldn't have taken this class if it wasn't important. I'm sure she misses you just as much as you're missing her."_

"_Yeah," Puck said begrudgingly as a warm smile slowly spread across his face at the thought of Rachel. "And when we do get to be together it's absolutely amazing," he said with a lecherous smile as he playfully jabbed Sam's arm to make sure he knew what he was talking about. "You're still a lucky bastard to have your girl with you every day, though."_

_Sam smiled. "Yeah," he whispered, "I am." Clearing his throat nervously he continued, "Hey, Puck. If I tell you something important are you going to remember it in the morning?"_

_Puck laughed. "Yeah, I'm not that wasted."_

_Sam breathed out loudly and chanced a quick glance at Puck sitting next to him. "I asked Quinn to marry me."_

_It took a moment before Puck's eyes bugged out and he yelled, "You did what?"_

_Sam smiled. "You were just saying how lucky I am that I get to be with my girl all the time. Well, I asked her to marry me and she said yes, so I guess that does make me the luckiest guy on the planet right about now."_

_Puck started laughing. He couldn't even be upset that his best friend was leaving singleness behind. He felt a sudden wave of happiness course through his chest and figured that was part of growing up. Maybe it was a bit of Rachel's influence too, because there had been moments, especially lately, when a thought had passed through his head; like how amazing she'd look in white lace walking down an aisle toward him He pushed those thoughts out as he focused on the idea of Sam and Quinn getting married. Yeah, they were young, but he'd seen them together for the last three years and he'd seen Quinn before in other relationships. She truly loved Sam. She'd matured and grown into a really good friend and he was pretty sure he owed most of that to his best friend sitting beside him grinning like a loon._

"_I'm happy for you Sam," Puck said sincerely._

"_Really?" Sam asked in shock. "I honestly thought you were going to try to talk me out of it or at least make some wisecrack about all the possibilities I'd be throwing away."_

"_Hey, if you're happy then I'm happy."_

_Sam grinned at him. "Thanks Puck. So," he drew out slowly, "how would you feel about being my best man?"_

_Puck looked at Sam in shock and was suddenly blinded by a bright light. "Sam!" he screamed as he felt his body convulse against the seat belt and heard the sound of crunching metal and shattering glass._

"Hhhuuuuhhhh," Puck breathed deeply as he rocketed awake. He looked frantically around the room as he tried to get his bearings. When he saw the dark man lying in the hospital bed a couple feet away the events from the previous night suddenly came flooding back to him and he realized that must be why he was suddenly having nightmares again after an entire year without them. He rubbed his hands across his face as he tried to wash the images from his mind. Standing slowly from the chair he'd slept in he stretched his arms over his head, not only feeling but hearing the distinctive pop as his joints released air and moved back into place.

"Rough night?" came a scratchy voice from the bed.

"Not as rough as you. I didn't realize you were awake," Puck said with a smile as he walked toward the tall man's bed side.

"Got any water?" he asked with a slight cough, wincing from the pain the motion caused.

Puck quickly filled the small plastic cup with water from the pitcher on the mobile tray and helped him take a few sips before placing the cup back on the tray. He rubbed his hands nervously on his jeans as he looked into concerned and tired brown eyes.

"How are you doing?" he asked Puck.

Puck had to laugh a little at the question even though he knew why the man was asking. "I'm not the one in the hospital bed."

"True," he agreed, "but this must have brought up some bad memories."

"Marcus," Puck interrupted him, "I'm okay. I promise. If I feel like I'm slipping at all I'll go to a meeting or call someone. You don't need to worry about me right now." He grasped his friend's shoulder reassuringly to make sure he believed him.

Marcus Berry nodded his head and then let a tremulous sigh escape his lips. "What's the news?" he finally asked.

Puck sighed and pulled the chair he'd been sleeping in closer to the bed. "The guy that hit your car is going to be fine. Karofsky did a good job getting his blood alcohol right away and there's no way he's getting off easy. The doctor said you had some fairly deep lacerations from the broken glass that they closed up, that's what the bandages are from. The main problem is the chest contusions from the seat belt and air bag. You broke a couple ribs and because you lost consciousness they're going to hold you here for at least 24 hours." Puck was silent as the older man looked at him, waiting for more.

"What about Daniel?" he was finally forced to ask.

Puck breathed out slowly as he tried to control the emotions racing through him. Old wounds tangled with new ones and he was finding it difficult to separate them. Finally he made eye contact with Marcus and found the strength to whisper, "It's not good."

Unshed tears instantly welled up in his brown eyes as he bit his lower lip, his chest rising with each painful and labored breath as he tried to maintain control. "I need to know how he is Puck. Can you please find out for me?" he was finally able to say past the lump that had formed in his throat.

Puck rose silently at the request and headed toward the heavy wooden door. As he turned the handle he said, "The Sheriff called Rachel. He said she told him she was on her way." He looked back at the injured man lying in the hospital bed as he choked back his own fear. With pain in his eyes he told him, "When she gets here I'll make myself scarce. It wouldn't be fair to make her deal with our past at the same time that she's dealing with all this. But if you need anything at all, Marcus, you just text me and I'll do it. Anything at all," he repeated with a nod as he walked into the too bright hallway and closed the door behind him.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: I want to thank everyone for their interest in this story. Sorry it's been a while since I updated. I didn't want to post this chapter until I knew exactly where I was going with the next one, but since the next chapter is very nearly finished I thought I'd take a break and post this one. Hope you like it! And thanks for the reviews, I love hearing what you think. P.S. Newsflash, I don't own Glee.**

**CHAPTER THREE**

"Dad?" Rachel whispered tentatively as she slowly swung the heavy wooden door open and stepped into the dimly lit room. The blinds were closed, the only light coming from a small lamp that stood in the far corner beside an uncomfortable looking plastic chair. Her gaze swept across the small room, quickly taking in the minimal furnishings until it landed upon her father lying in a semi-reclining position. She had tried to prepare herself for what she might find when she walked through that door, but it was still jarring to see the man she had always looked to for strength with bandages on his arms and neck, an IV line taped to the back of his hand and wire leads weaving their way through the sleeve of the powder blue hospital gown to a small machine that emitted periodic beeps as it monitored his heart rate and oxygen levels.

"Sweetheart," Marcus smiled tiredly at her as he held out his arm, inviting his daughter closer to him. Rachel hurried around the bed in an effort to avoid possibly pulling on any of the apparatuses currently attached to her father and gently leaned down to hug him. The instant his arms reached around her and she could feel his warmth and strength enveloping her she began to cry. Marcus could feel her shoulders shaking and the wetness of her tears on his neck as she buried her head against him and he pulled her tighter even though it caused a sharp pain to shoot through his rib cage. He didn't care. His daughter was home and she needed him. It had been a long time since he had felt as though she needed him at all and he wasn't going to let that feeling go easily.

Rachel clung to him until she was able to finally rein in the emotions that had swept through her with their first contact. Slowly she pulled away as she wiped away the remainder of the tears that stained her face and let out a soft embarrassed chuckle. She noticed a chair close by the bed and pulled it even closer as she sat and took her father's dark hand in her own. "I was so scared," she said with a soft voice as she distractedly ran the fingers of her free hand over the back of his hand that rested tightly in her own. Sniffling slightly she smiled at her father. "I got here as fast as I could. Have the doctor's been in yet? How are you? What happened?"

Marcus returned his daughter's smile. "I wish it were under better circumstances, but I'm so happy to see you Rachel. I haven't seen the doctor yet, but I've been told that I'm going to have to stay probably until tomorrow morning." At the worried look that crossed her face he continued, "It's just for observation. The seat belt and air bag caused some damage and they just want to be certain before they send me home. I promise you it's nothing too serious. I'm in some pain, but I should make a full recovery."

Rachel bit her lip as she felt relief wash over her even as she worried more about what condition her daddy was in. Wanting to postpone the inevitable for just a moment longer she asked again, "So what happened? Do you remember any of it?"

He lowered his gaze as his thoughts turned to the previous night. He couldn't look in her concerned brown eyes and think about the images that would forever be burned into his mind. Slowly he let out a breath and told her, "Daddy's been working a lot of hours the past couple months because Isaac went on an extended vacation with his wife to Europe. Now that things had returned to normal we decided to drive into Cincinnati and have a date night at this new jazz club that opened up recently." Marcus looked as if he were going to say something else, then thought better of it. His voice was husky with emotion as he continued, "We had just come back into Lima and were turning onto 9th Street when, I guess, someone ran a red light." He took a painful deep breath and looked Rachel in the eye as he said, "I don't remember much after that except waking up here."

It was a lie. He remembered almost every moment, but he couldn't tell his little girl that. He couldn't tell her about the horrible sound as metal twisted and tore into metal. He couldn't tell her that he could still smell the acrid combination of burning electrical wires, gasoline, urine, and alcohol as the drunk that had hit them leaned inside the shattered window and slurred something about getting help. He definitely could never tell her that he had held Daniel's limp hand in his own as it grew sticky with warm blood. That he had pleaded with soft whispers for his husband to wake up, to just open his eyes even as the paramedics arrived and removed him from the wreckage. He swallowed thickly as he tried to push those memories deep down. He could never burden his sweet baby girl with those images of her father.

Rachel nodded her head, accepting the words her dad spoke to her as the truth. "Have you received any word on how Daddy is?" she finally asked quietly.

Marcus looked nervously toward the door and then said, "A friend stayed the night here with me. I sent him to find out, but he hasn't returned yet."

"Oh," Rachel unintentionally interrupted her dad, "well I could go find out really quick." She started to rise from the chair, but her dad gripped her hand more tightly to hold her there.

"Rachel, there's something I need to tell you," he began, but was once again interrupted, this time by the handle of the door being turned. Both brunettes turned simultaneously as a very familiar figure filled the doorway.

(************************************)

He knew he should have knocked. He should have stayed away. He should have done something, anything to avoid this moment, but even as he wished he could have avoided it an unbidden surge of happiness swelled through him at the realization that after five long years he was finally in the same room with the woman he loved. Silence filled the room as the three of them exchanged looks. He could see regret and pain twist across Marcus' features. He had no way of knowing that the pain was from Rachel's fingers that had suddenly dug into the hand she had just moments before been caressing so gently. Puck felt his stomach drop as he took in the look that passed over Rachel's face and recognized pure, unadulterated rage.

"You!" she sputtered when she'd finally registered that it was indeed Puck that had entered her father's hospital room unannounced. "What the hell are you doing here?" she continued venomously as she rose from where she'd been sitting and crossed the room to stand before the man she hadn't uttered a single word to since she witnessed his betrayal.

Puck couldn't find his words. His breath was stuck in his chest at her sudden proximity to him. He could see the tiny flecks of amber in her brown eyes and as the air moved around her with her swift movement he caught the fragrance of lilacs and vanilla in the air. He almost smiled at the memories that flooded his mind. All the time he'd spent with the woman in front of him, memorizing every curve of her body, every inch of skin, every nuance of her facial expressions and he knew now, beyond any shadow of doubt, there was no chance he'd ever get over her and with the look she was currently giving him, no chance he'd ever be with her again.

"Rachel," Marcus said from the bed as he tried to get his daughter's attention. "I was trying to tell you before he got back, but Puck is the friend that stayed with me last night." He felt a stab of guilt as Rachel turned and looked at him and he saw the feeling of betrayal flash in her eyes.

"Friend!" she spit the word out in a huff as if it were the most unbelievable thing she'd ever heard. Her entire body hummed with a rage and hurt that she wasn't sure she could control. She was already so emotionally taxed that this new revelation was threatening to send her over the edge. She had considered the possibility that she would run into Puck at some point during her stay in Lima, but had figured that she would, for the most part, be able to avoid him. It wasn't that small of a town that it wouldn't be impossible. But to be confronted with his presence within her first thirty minutes of being in town was almost too much. The fact that her father had actually called him a friend, that he had stayed the night with him until she could get there, that they appeared to have some sort of relationship that she had no idea about filled her with an anger that made her almost sick to her stomach.

"He's no one's friend," she hissed as angry tears stung her eyes. "Being someone's friend requires that you actually care about someone other than yourself. All he cares about is himself and what he wants in the moment."

"Rachel," her father said again in a calming voice, "I understand that you're upset right now. Puck's not staying, but maybe we could just let him speak so he can tell us how Daddy's doing?" With a great amount of effort she forced herself to remain quiet and when Marcus was certain she wasn't going to go into another rant he nodded at Puck with an understanding look. He knew this moment had to be just as difficult for the young man as it was for his daughter.

Puck cleared his throat and chose to look at the older man to deliver the news rather than the tiny brunette still standing within arms reach of him. "I wasn't able to get any details, but a doctor is supposed to be coming to talk to you about everything soon. I know he's out of surgery. His status has been downgraded to critical but stable. That's all I was able to find out, but I'm sure the doctor will give you more details."

Rachel was relieved to know that her father was still alive even though it didn't sound like he was out of the woods yet, but she hated the fact that the news came from Puck. She had spent the last five years nursing a hatred for the muscularly toned man standing before her. She had convinced herself that every moment they had spent together had been a lie, that he had probably been cheating on her the entire time they had been together and his drinking had just made him sloppy so that she finally caught him. As he stood in front of her, the deep timber of his voice as he spoke brought back memories she had forced out of her mind. Moments she couldn't lie to herself about. Words he had spoken to her and things he had done that made her body betray her and her arms want to reach out and hold him. Her sudden desire to be wrapped in his warm embrace scared her and she spoke up in a cold, biting tone. "Thank you for the information. You may leave now."

Puck didn't hesitate as he turned and left the room. He had hoped that he would be able to get the information Marcus needed and be out of the hospital before Rachel arrived, but she must have been able to catch a flight right away and had gotten to Lima hours before he realized it would be possible. He knew he was an ass. He'd cheated on her and had made no attempt to explain anything about what had happened. Not that it would have mattered. What was done, was done and there was no going back. That had been a hard lesson to learn, but it was something he was reminded of every single day that he woke up alone and realized he didn't have Rachel or Sam and he only had himself to blame.

As he exited the hospital's main doors he felt the late spring sun begin to warm his shoulders. It was going to be an unusually warm day and he kind of hated that. It seemed almost unfair that the weather didn't match his mood. _It should be rainy and cold right now, not cloudless and warm_, he thought to himself. He smiled softly as he walked toward his truck and remembered that Sam used to wish that instead of mood rings there could be mood weather. "_Then we could be like cartoon characters running around with little thunderclouds over our heads," Sam said with a laugh. "Or rays of sunshine," Quinn had added with a blissful smile, her head resting on his shoulder as they entwined their fingers_. His heart ached at the memory and he pulled out his phone and pressed a button. When he heard the voice answer on the other end he said, "Hey, I know it's early, but I need to talk to you. Can I come over?"

(**********************************)

Marcus laid silently in the bed for what felt like an eternity. Rachel stood staring at the door Puck had walked through, her back rigid, her body unmoving, she refused to look at her father. He knew that she was dealing with a lot of warring emotions right now and he didn't want to push her in one direction or another. Because he couldn't see her face he wasn't sure if he should be expecting an angry tirade or a tearful tantrum, but knowing Rachel as he did he expected some sort of outburst. When she finally took a breath and turned to look at him he was caught completely off guard and the pain in her eyes tore at his heart.

She was crying. She couldn't stop crying and the worst part was she wasn't sure exactly why she was crying. It could have been relief over the fact that both of her dads were alive after hours of not being certain of that fact. It could have been the newly obtained knowledge that her father had a relationship with the man who had betrayed her and had never felt the need to mention this fact to her in any of their conversations or visits over the years. There was also the possibility that she was crying because Puck had left so easily. Once again he exited her life without any kind of explanation or effort, as if leaving her were the easiest thing in the world for him to do. The idea that this was the reason she was so upset terrified her and so she chose to grasp onto the more reasonable explanation. "I don't understand," she choked out as she desperately tried to wipe away the tears that continued to fall. She refused to make eye contact with her dad. She felt so betrayed by this secret relationship and yet at the same time she didn't want to hurt his feelings by letting him know how it had hurt her.

"Rachel, please come sit down so we can talk." Her father's gentle voice helped calm her nerves and she obediently went back to the chair she had been occupying before Puck's entrance, but she didn't reach for his hand. Marcus tried not to notice that fact, but he knew that he had hurt her deeply and it pained him. "Honey, we didn't intentionally keep this from you. There just never seemed to be an appropriate time to bring it up. What were we supposed to do? Just say, "Oh, by the way sweetheart, you know that boy that broke your heart? Well, we've sort of become friendly with him and Daddy's his lawyer.""

"Daddy's his lawyer!" she cried out with a fresh set of tears. Now she felt betrayed on both sides. It wasn't just her Dad, it was both of them. "Well, of course he would need to keep a lawyer on retainer," she huffed angrily as she wiped futilely against the tears that refused to stop falling. "But that's beside the point. You knew what he did to me. You know he cheated with Quinn and yet you let him into your lives. And not just professionally, but on a personal enough level that you actually call him a friend."

Her father took a slow breath and then looked sadly at his doe-eyed daughter. "A lot has happened in the last five years. Things have transpired that you weren't around for and I'm not saying anything against that," he added quickly as he saw her lips part to defend her absence. "You had your reasons to stay away. Everyone deals with grief and heartache in their own way, Rachel, and I'm not going to say that one single way is better than another. Starting somewhere fresh and severing ties seems to have worked for you, but not everyone can do that. Some people need the support of others around them, people who've gone through similar experiences."

Rachel took a shaky breath as she mulled over what her dad was saying. She was finally able to stop crying and she rose from the chair to walk slowly around the room. Spying a box of facial tissues recessed into the wall she pulled a few out and wiped her face and nose, tossing the used tissues into the waste bin. Marcus watched her quietly as she grabbed a few more and dabbed softly at the moisture remaining around her eyes. He knew that she was dealing with a lot right now and he wanted to give her the time she needed to process her thoughts before moving forward.

She slowly walked back to the uncomfortable chair and sat down. She worried her bottom lip with her teeth as she focused her gaze on the thick-threaded bedding instead of the man underneath it. His words had struck something in her. _Starting fresh and severing ties seems to have worked for you._ She had thought so, but now she wasn't so sure. Maybe she'd just spent the last five years in denial, pretending that because she didn't have to see or deal with the people that had hurt her she had moved on from it. Judging from the way she had felt at seeing Puck for the first time she had a sinking feeling that it was the case. Emotions had run through her so quickly during their encounter that she hadn't had time to really process what she was feeling, but now that she had time and quiet to think about it she realized that mixed in with the anger and pain at seeing him, she had also felt a thrill of happiness and deep, deep under that she had to admit, if only to herself, she had also felt love.

"So what happened?" Rachel finally asked, her voice a hoarse whisper from all the tears she had shed.

"What?" Marcus asked, caught off guard from her sudden question and trying to remember where the conversation had left off.

"What happened to make you befriend Puck?"

His dark eyes closed and he pursed his lips. She really wasn't going to like what he had to say next. "I can't tell you."

Rachel tried not to get angry. She really did. There her dad was, lying in a hospital bed after a terrible accident, they still didn't know specifics on what kind of injuries her daddy had sustained and she knew that she was overtired from the flight and the drive so her nerves were on edge. Not to mention the fact that she'd just seen her ex-boyfriend, the man she had thought was the love of her life, for the first time since she caught him in bed with one of their friends. Considering all of this, the level of her voice was actually quite controlled when she said harshly, "What do you mean you can't tell me? You just said I didn't know what happened because I was gone. Well then tell me what happened. Tell me, please, what could have possibly transpired, as you so aptly put it, so as to make my own fathers, who claimed that their only purpose in life was to love and protect me, accept into their lives the man who destroyed me? You want me to understand? I'm asking, I'm begging Dad, make me understand!"

The door opened and a gray-headed nurse poked her head in with concern wrinkling her brow. "Is everything okay in here?" she asked.

Marcus waved her off. "Yes," he said with a terse smile, "everything's fine. Thank you Nurse."

When the door closed and the two of them were once again alone in the room Marcus bit his lip and then looked pleadingly at Rachel. "I'll tell you what I can, but there are certain things that I just can't tell you. Not because I don't want to Rachel, but because it's not my place to do so. If you want all the answers, you're going to have to go to the source."

"Puck," she said tersely, her anger still simmering just under the surface. "Fine," she huffed as she crossed her arms across her chest and leaned back in the chair, "you tell me what you can and _if_ I think I need to know more to have a better understanding then I will go to _the source_."

The older man hid the small smile that threatened the corners of his mouth at the petulant attitude his daughter was exhibiting. _God how I've missed her_ he thought to himself. Clearing his throat he turned tired eyes toward her and began.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: I have to admit that I had a blast writing this chapter. So much so, that I'm too excited to read through it for my normal third time to look for any errors, so I apologize for anything I missed, but I really wanted to post it. It's angsty and all, but I could feel it as I was writing it so hopefully that comes across. Really that's all a writer wants is to make others feel something when their work is read. So let me know if I succeeded or failed miserably. Your comments are appreciated. Disclaimer: Don't own Glee. Thank you very much.**

**CHAPTER FOUR**

Rachel took a deep cleansing breath as she exited the hospital doors. The sun was shining and the bright azure sky made her blink her eyes a few times. She hadn't seen a sky so clear and beautiful in a long time and it caused a deep longing for home to well up within her. She remembered that there was a small park just one block over and she turned in that direction, her pace a slow stroll as her mind sorted through everything that had happened in the last almost twelve hours. She needed to call Max and give him a status update. He would be worried because she had a press junket scheduled just a little over a month from now and he would want her in prime interviewing shape. She frowned slightly as she thought about it.

She enjoyed giving interviews for magazines because it was usually a one-on-one conversation between herself and the reporter in a comfortable setting commonly of her choosing. She really hated press junkets. It made her feel like a piece of property as she sat in a chair with the movie paraphernalia hanging all around her and one reporter after another was ushered in to ask her the exact same questions the previous one had asked. For hours. It became mind-numbingly boring after the first few interviews. And still Max would insist that she practice her responses with him before hand, peppering her with random questions that no reporter in their right mind would ask, just on the off chance it ever happened. _You have to be prepared for anything Rachel. The slightest slip or poorly stated comment could ruin your career,_ his voice echoed in her head.

Rachel had expected the park to be empty since it was around nine o'clock in the morning, but then with a shake of her head she realized that it was Saturday so of course there would be children in the park. She saw a group of teenage boys playing basketball on the far side of the small park. A couple of girls sat on a nearby bench talking and laughing. One of the girls kept diverting her attention from the boys showing off on the court to the play structure about 30 feet away where a couple of little boys played and Rachel assumed she was babysitting and hanging with her friends at the same time. She followed the path along toward the playground area and since the two young boys were busy chasing each other over the wooden drawbridge, up the rope ladders, and down the slide she decided to take a seat on the furthest swing from them.

Looping her arms lightly around the chains that hung from the metal bar above her she drug her feet slowly through the large bark chips below and gave herself a slight push so that she swung slowly back and forth. She didn't pump her legs to go higher. Instead she simply lifted them slightly so she could gently let the momentum swing her back and forth. When she came to a stop she repeated the process. The slow, constant motion of the swing helped to calm her nerves and the repetitive activity of setting herself back into motion helped free her mind as she processed everything she'd come to know in the last hour or so.

Her dad had carefully chosen his words throughout their entire conversation and had been deliberately ambiguous in his description of events, but what Rachel had deduced from his recounting was that initially her fathers had hated Puck. They hated that he had hurt Rachel, but mostly they hated that Puck's actions had made her feel as though she couldn't come home out of fear of seeing the young man. They had seen him occasionally around town and all parties had avoided each other during these minimal instances. Then a little over two years ago her dad had run into Puck somewhere, he wouldn't give specifics, and things that were said changed his attitude toward the young man and he offered an olive branch of peace.

That peace treaty of sorts was based on something that they discovered they had in common. Again her father had sidestepped exactly what that was. He told her that what was important was that while he considered Puck a friend it wasn't as if they had him over for dinner or did anything together. Occasionally, they had conversations and he and Puck had an understanding with each other that her daddy understood and was okay with. _We never meant to hurt you Rachel. There just never seemed to be the right opportunity to tell you,_ he had said.

They had been interrupted by the doctor finally showing up on his rounds. Dr. Henderson was a middle-aged man with thin blonde hair that he brushed out of his eyes in a nervous habit that reminded Rachel of Kurt and made her smile softly to herself. He had a very no nonsense manner of speaking and an almost nasally voice that grated on Rachel's nerves to such an extent that she was grateful to learn that he wasn't her daddy's doctor and she wouldn't have to listen to him speak beyond this conversation. Her dad's most serious injuries were broken ribs and a concussion, neither of which could really be treated. They were going to keep him one more night for observation, but he would be released in the morning with orders to rest and limit his movements until his ribs could heal on their own.

Dr. Henderson had spoken with the physician attending to her daddy so that he would be able to inform Marcus of his condition. Daniel had made it through surgery relatively well, although there was internal bleeding they had been able to repair the damaged organs. While he was still listed as critical, he was at least stable as far as the danger of bleeding to death was concerned. What his doctor was most worried about was the head injury he had sustained. According to the doctor there was some brain swelling and Daniel had not regained consciousness since the accident. For now, however, he was breathing on his own and there was no imminent threat to his life so for all intents and purposes he was in a coma.

Rachel had gripped her dad's hand tightly at this news as she tried to compartmentalize the fact that he was alive and yet he was in a coma. Dr. Henderson had told them that he wouldn't be able to have visitors for a few hours while they got him set up in his own room in the ICU and then he had left just as suddenly as he had come. Rachel had noticed the tears welling in her dad's eyes, but she also saw how tired he was. She leaned down and gave him a hug and told him to get some rest while she took a walk. And now here she was, swinging lazily in a children's playground, contemplating mortality and her own relationships as she listened to the two boys laugh and yell at each other just a few feet away.

She wished for simpler times. High school had been a difficult time for her, but looking back now she could see that there were a lot of things she had taken for granted. There had been no real competition in glee club so it had been easy to be the star. That was definitely not the case in her career now. Competition was everywhere and everything she did and said was under constant scrutiny, whether it was from the media or her own manager. In high school she had friends, at least toward the end of senior year, that would have been here by her side to comfort her. She had friends she had made during college, but she had lost touch with them because of her busy schedule and the few friends she'd made since she moved to L.A. weren't the kind of close friends that you could count on in a crisis. She was alone and tired and living in a temperature controlled tiny fish bowl and she wondered how exactly it had all happened. And then she remembered. She remembered the moment she had cut everything and everyone from Lima out of her life.

_It had been a week since the funeral and days had passed since she'd heard from Puck. When her phone calls and texts continued to go unanswered she got in her car and began the nine hour drive from Juilliard to Lima. The entire drive she worried about him. She kept thinking about how she'd found him on her last trip. When she'd received the call from Mike she had booked the first flight she could find to Ohio, which was why she had to drive this time. She couldn't afford another $400 flight when it would cost less than $100 to drive. She'd immediately gone to the hospital only to find that Puck had already been released. When she knocked on his apartment door there had been no answer so she let herself in with the key he'd given her when he first moved out of his mother's house. She smiled at the memory._

"_Here babe, this is for you," Puck said as he nonchalantly handed her the small piece of golden metal, as if it weren't a big deal._

_Her heart had swelled at the gesture and she had wanted to throw her arms around him and kiss him and tell him how much it meant to her, but she could see how uncomfortable he was and so she'd lightened the mood by teasing him. "And is mine gold so all the little hussies on campus know that I'm your number one girl?" she said with a smile._

_He grinned that sexy smirk of his as his hands gripped her waist and pulled her snugly against him. "No, yours is gold so you know you're my only girl. My little gold star," he whispered huskily before he captured her lips with his._

_That had been a happy memory, but using the key to walk through that door had not been. She had found Puck sitting on his couch, his left wrist in a black cast that looked more like a brace, just staring at the wall. She had called his name softly, but there was no acknowledgment from him. Even when she sat beside him and pulled him into her embrace he had barely acknowledged her presence. The entire week she had been there he barely said two words to anyone. He was lost in his own mind and when she'd talked to her fathers about it they had told her that everyone deals with grief in different ways. She just needed to be patient and be sure to let Puck know that she was there when he was ready to talk._

_She had been patient, but now she was worried. No, actually, she was scared. Scared that he would do something self-destructive. Scared that he was lost somewhere in his own mind, in his own grief, and that he couldn't find his way out without her. More than that, she was scared that she was losing him. These were the thoughts and fears tumbling through her mind as she pulled into his apartment complex parking lot at a little after five in the morning after driving all night. She saw his truck in its designated space and she breathed a sigh of relief that he was at least home._

_Rachel knew it was very early so she didn't bother knocking. She simply used her key to unlock the door. The stench of stale alcohol and dirty laundry made her instantly crinkle her nose as she scanned the living room, taking in the empty bottles of beer and Jack Daniels, her brow furrowed at the odd empty wine glass on the coffee table. She could see dirty dishes piled in the sink and clothes haphazardly thrown about as she made her way quietly down the hall to the bedroom. Not wanting to disturb him if he was sleeping she carefully turned the doorknob and pushed it open._

_Her heart felt as if someone had suddenly grabbed it and squeezing as tightly as they could proceeded to shove it up into her throat. Her eyes traveled over Puck's body, the gray sheet twisted around his waist with one bare leg hanging out over the edge of the bed, his muscular chest softly rising and falling, his left arm still wearing the black cast, flung out across the pillows. Pillows covered in long blonde hair. Hair belonging to an obviously naked Quinn because Rachel could clearly see her smooth whorish back bared to the room. Her eyes flicked back to Puck in disbelief. This had to be a dream, some kind of horrible nightmare. This wasn't really happening. _Not again,_ she screamed to herself. She saw Puck's eyes flutter open and even through the haze of alcohol she saw him focus on her and the guilt register on his face before she turned and fled, letting the gold key she'd still been holding fall softly on the carpet of his bedroom doorway._

_She drove all the way back to New York that day. She alternated between wracking sobs that made driving dangerous and fits of rage that left her screaming and cursing at the two individuals not in the car. First she blamed Puck for his weakness, then she blamed Quinn for everything. At one point while she was driving through Pennsylvania she convinced herself that Quinn had just been waiting for her opportunity all these years to have Puck again. That they had cheated on her and Sam. It didn't matter that Sam was dead, they cheated on his memory. The body was barely cold and they were hopping in the sack together. That made her tears start anew because she knew it wasn't true. She had seen Quinn with Sam and the blonde had truly loved him. Does that mean Puck didn't really love me? she asked herself. Her heart hurt so badly at that prospect that she literally felt nauseated._

_When Rachel got back to her dorm room she called her fathers and told them what happened. They wanted to pay to fly her home so she wouldn't be alone, but she refused. She didn't want to be so close to either Puck or Quinn. She didn't want to be in Lima. It hurt too much. Since summer was approaching and classes were done she needed somewhere to live, though, so her fathers helped pay first and last on a tiny studio apartment close to school and Rachel got a summer job. She worked hard each day and each night she cried herself to sleep._

_Weeks passed and she kept thinking that perhaps Puck would call her. Maybe he would call and explain that it wasn't what it had looked like. Or that it was, but they had been so drunk and grief stricken over Sam that they didn't know what they were doing and he was so sorry, could she ever forgive him? Yes, she would say, I can forgive you in time. Her gut response to that scenario had even startled herself. But it didn't matter, because he never called and by the end of the summer Rachel didn't want to hear his voice. She didn't want to see him or think about him ever again. If it was so easy for him to just toss her aside and never think twice about her, then fine. Cutting him out of her life would be just as easy._

_Except it wasn't. It took effort to get out of bed every day. Effort to speak to people, to smile as they approached her and she directed them to the appropriate floor in the building she was working at as a receptionist. Effort to sit through her classes once school started back up. Effort to fall asleep each night clutching a pillow to her stomach as hot tears dampened her face. Everything took so much effort, until one day it took a little less. Five months had passed since she'd last seen Puck and she was done crying. She was done mourning the death of a relationship that had obviously meant much more to her than it had to him. _"I'm done," _she said aloud to her empty room as she sat on her bed one night and then she systematically went through everything she had that was from Puck or reminded her of him. The pink stuffed bunny he'd won for her at the fair in Dayton the first summer they'd been together. Pictures from Homecoming, Prom, and graduation. Pictures from their weekend with Sam and Quinn skiing in Canada. Every bit of her life from the last five years she packed up in two boxes, taped them shut, and shoved them to the back of the closet. Then she threw herself and all her determination and energy into school._

"Are you okay?"

Rachel was pulled out of her memories by the question. She looked at the little boy standing in front of her as he looked at her with concerned blue eyes, his blonde hair barely brushing the tops of his eyes and lifting in soft curls around his ears. Rachel thought he looked somewhat familiar, but pushed the thought aside when she couldn't immediately place him. She glanced over and saw that the little brown haired boy he'd been playing with was quietly standing by the long metal post that acted as a fireman's pole on the play structure, his small hands wrapped around it as he peered at her shyly. "I'm fine," she finally assured the tiny blonde in front of her.

"But you're crying," he asserted.

Rachel suddenly realized that yes, she indeed was crying. Quickly she wiped the tears from her face, realizing she must look like a complete fool, sitting in a park alone, crying.

"Are you lost?" the little boy asked.

"No," Rachel said with a soft smile, "I'm not lost." _Except I am. I am so lost,_ she thought to herself.

"Okay," the boy said begrudgingly as if he didn't quite believe her. "But if you are lost, it's okay to say so. My mommy says we should always try to tell the truth, even if it's embarrassing. I got lost once in a store and I cried, but then my mommy found me and she told me if I ever got lost again I should find a policeman and tell him my name and he would take me to her. Maybe, if you were lost, you could tell a policeman your name and he would take you home to your mommy."

Rachel flashed the little boy her brightest smile. He was so cute and she still couldn't shake the feeling that there was something familiar about him. "Thank you for your advice," she told him, "it's very smart. But I'm really not lost, I'm just sad."

"Oh," he said as he nodded his head knowingly, as if now he understood everything completely. "My mommy cries when she's sad, too. She says it's okay to cry because the tears help to empty the sadness from our heart to make room for happiness."

Rachel and the little boy both jumped a little when a loud voice called agitatedly across the park, "Hey rugrats! It's time to go! Time's up!" They both looked at the teenage girl standing by the basketball court waiting impatiently for the boys she'd just called and Rachel could see the other teenagers walking away in a group toward downtown. She realized the young girl probably wanted to get her charges home quickly so she could meet back up with her friends. Turning back toward the little boy, she was about to ask his name when he flashed her a smile and took off running, following the brown haired boy who had responded immediately to the teenager's call. Something in the little blonde's smile tugged at Rachel's heart and she felt a profound sadness that she couldn't account for. "Too much emotional stress," she mumbled to herself as she rose from the swing and made her way back to the hospital.

(***************************)

After he'd left the hospital Puck had driven through a drive-thru coffee stand and picked up two large coffees, one black, one light and sweet. He parked his truck on the street since the driveway of the house he'd stopped at was occupied by a compact 4-door with a "Save Lives – Don't Drive Drunk" bumper sticker on the back. The front yard was small and well manicured with potted flowers adorning the front porch and a family of porcelain frogs keeping watch over a pile of decorative rocks. Puck balanced one coffee cup on top of the other and knocked softly on the wooden frame. Moments later the door swung open and he entered as he handed the resident her coffee and continued further into the living room and sat down on the soft beige couch that faced the entryway. Taking a sip of his hot black coffee he watched as the blonde woman chose to sit in her usual overstuffed chair angled next to the couch. She took a sip of her coffee and breathed an appreciative sigh before setting it down on the coffee table that separated them. "So, you look like hell. What's going on?" she asked.

Puck looked around the room as if searching for someone else and she shook her head with a soft smile playing across her lips. "He had a sleepover at the Davis' last night. They're bringing him back some time this morning." Puck looked at the woman with concern and pain in his eyes as he finally spoke.

"Daniel and Marcus Berry were hit by a drunk driver last night." He watched as her jaw clenched tightly and her hands began nervously picking at the hem of her shirt. Tears welled in her eyes and she reached out and took another slow sip of coffee as she tried to get control of her emotions. "They're okay," Puck continued, "well Marcus is okay. Daniel's in bad shape, but he's still alive." Silence filled the room as he waited for her to be able to talk.

"Quinn," he uttered softly as he reached out a comforting hand. She shook her head and pulled away from his touch. He cleared his throat and continued. "I just thought I would let you know because they're both in the hospital right now. I don't know what shifts you're working or anything, but I thought I should warn you anyway." He paused before he said with a voice full of emotion he was trying desperately to contain, "Rachel's here. I saw her at the hospital."

Quinn looked at him then with tear filled eyes. "Did you talk to her?" she finally whispered.

Puck shook his head. "Not really. I got information for Marcus on Daniel's condition and when I came back to the room she was there."

"What was that like?" she asked him, still keeping her voice soft.

Puck chewed on the inside of his cheek and breathed out of his nose harshly as he thought about what it had been like to see her again. "It was painful," he finally replied.

"I'm sorry," Quinn began, but Puck interrupted her.

"Don't. Don't start that. We both made the same mistake. Don't start apologizing to me."

_The kitchen light was the only light on in the entire apartment. It was just enough to cast a soft glow over the filthy living room. Puck's eyes were glazed over as he took another long pull from the black labeled bottle and looked uncaring at the scattered laundry in the hallway and molding dishes in the sink. _Two weeks. Sam's been dead for two weeks, _Puck closed his eyes tightly at the thought that raced through his head and took another sloppy drink from the bottle, wiping angrily at the drops that wet his chin. He felt as if he was walking through a fog. He couldn't connect to anything. It was all unreal. And he felt like a total ass for the way he'd treated Rachel. She'd come from New York immediately after she'd heard and he'd barely given her the time of day. She'd been so caring and was trying so hard and he only loved her more for it, but feeling that made the pain worse so he pushed her away._

_He didn't deserve her anyway. He never had. _Once a screw up always a screw up_. He laughed harshly at his voice in his head. She'd wanted him to talk about it. Wanted him to tell her how sad he was, but he couldn't talk about it. He couldn't talk at all. He could barely breath past the lump that seemed to be constantly wedged at the base of his throat. And now she was calling him and texting him with worried messages and he couldn't answer her because he was drunk. And what would he say anyway? _Hey, Rach. I'm fine. I just killed my best friend, but I'm fine._ He felt the burn of tears forming in his eyes and took another drink of good old Jack to force them back. Puck turned his head slowly toward the door and quirked his eyebrows. He thought he heard a knock. A moment later he heard it again. Someone was knocking on his door. It was light, but still there. He squinted at the clock on his phone, bringing it close up to his face as he tried to make out the numbers. One o'clock in the morning. Who the hell was at his door at one o'clock in the morning? _Sam_, was the first thought that popped into his head, _he can't sleep and wants to play some Halo. No,_ Puck shook his head as he stumbled to the door, _it can't be Sam.

"_Quinn," he whispered when he opened the door. The small blonde woman pushed her way past Puck and stood in the middle of his living room gazing around with a dazed look on her face. Puck closed the door and stood there staring at her as his body weaved slightly back and forth. He waited for her to start berating him for the state of his apartment or for shutting everyone out, but she didn't say anything for a long time._

"_I couldn't sleep," she finally whispered into the near darkness._

"_You want something to drink?" he asked as he moved toward the kitchen._

"_Do you have any wine?" she asked._

_Puck nodded as he pulled out a wine glass and grabbed a bottle of chardonnay from the fridge that he kept for when Rachel would visit. She liked to have a small glass occasionally. He poured the liquid into the glass, letting some of it slosh out onto the counter. By the time he carried the glass back out to the living room Quinn had taken a seat on his couch. He handed her the glass and flopped down into the chair opposite her. The silence of the room became heavy as each of them continued to drink. When Quinn finished what was in her glass Puck rose and refilled it, bringing the bottle with him and setting it on the coffee table._

"_I couldn't sleep," Quinn suddenly repeated. Puck nodded as if he understood because he did. He couldn't sleep either, not until he'd drunk enough to make him pass out. If he tried to sleep before then he would dream of Sam's smiling face and blinding lights, of burnt rubber on asphalt mixed with the sickly sweet smell of blood. No, he couldn't sleep either._

"_It doesn't smell like him anymore," Quinn continued as if in a daze._

"_What?" Puck asked as he tried to pull himself from his own memories._

"_The bed," she answered. "I didn't wash the sheets since...it happened. I thought I could keep him there somehow, but it didn't work. It doesn't smell like him anymore and I can't sleep." For the first time since she'd arrived at his door Puck finally took the time to actually look at Quinn. She was wearing a pair of gray sweatpants and an old ratty McKinley High t-shirt that was too big for her. He recognized it as the shirt Sam used to wear when he was doing odd jobs around the house they rented. Her hair hung limply across her shoulders and her skin was pale, but it was her eyes that really got to him. Quinn always had very expressive eyes. Sam had loved her eyes, couldn't stop talking about those damn eyes. The eyes he looked into were not those of the girl he'd gone to school with. They were not the eyes of the girl that had loved and been loved by the man he considered a brother. They looked dead and empty. Haunted._

"_Quinn," Puck whispered throatily as he realized what a complete ass he'd been. He'd been so involved in his own pain he'd hardly considered Quinn at all. That's not completely true. He had considered Quinn, which was one of the things he berated himself with during his guilty internal tirades. But he hadn't considered that she might need him. She might need her fiance's best friend/pseudo brother to lean on._

"_I went through his drawers," she continued as if she hadn't heard Puck say her name. "I pulled out some of his clothes, the ones he wore the most and I covered the bed with them, but it didn't help. None of them smell like him either because I washed them. So I went through the hamper, but I'd done laundry the day before the accident and all I could find was this shirt." She rubbed her hands softly over the t-shirt she was wearing. "But I can't smell him on it anymore, either," she whispered as a single tear found its way down her cheek._

_Puck's chest tightened in pain and he choked back the tears that threatened, his breath coming in heavy gasps as he expressed physical effort in controlling his emotions. "What can I do?" he finally choked out. Quinn looked at him with pain filled eyes. She was lost. Drowning in a sea of grief and she didn't know where to go to find a way out. Puck was the last one to be with Sam. He was his best friend. He was her last tie to the man she loved._

"_Was it fast?" she asked quietly._

"_What?" Puck questioned her, hoping that she wasn't asking what he thought she was asking. But she was._

"_Everyone says he didn't suffer. That it happened so fast he didn't even know anything. That he felt no pain. But you were there, so I'm asking you. Was it fast?" Her lips trembled as she waited for his response. She wasn't sure what she wanted to hear. Yes, it was fast. He didn't feel any pain. Or did she want to hear that she'd been lied to by the doctors and Sam's family. That Sam had been conscious and pinned in the car. That he had been in pain, but his thoughts were of her to the last. That he had asked Puck to look after her and tell her that he loved her._

_Puck swallowed hard as he tried to compose himself. Then he looked Quinn in the eye and told her the truth. "Sam didn't suffer, Quinn. He didn't even see it coming. We had the green light, he was driving through it, but he was looking at me when we were hit because we were talking. So, no, he didn't suffer. It was all very fast."_

_Quinn nodded her head as tears welled in her eyes until they had no choice but to fall down her cheeks. She gave Puck what he thought was supposed to be a smile, but looked more like a grimace of pain as she choked out, "What were you talking about?"_

"_You," Puck breathed out passed the lump in his throat. "He'd just told me he asked you to marry him and you'd said yes. He was so happy, Quinn, sitting there. That grin of his stretching clear across his face. He loved you so much."_

_The sob that broke loose from Quinn's chest was the most painful, primal thing Puck had ever heard in his life. She sat on his couch as tears soaked Sam's shirt, her body nearly doubled over in pain as guttural sounds of grief tore from her chest. He moved without thinking and sitting beside her on the couch he pulled her close to him and held her trembling body as she released her anguish. He let a few of his own tears fall into her blonde hair as he whispered soothing words to her. "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. It's going to be okay. Not today, but eventually, it'll be better. Quinn, I promise it'll get better. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry," his words trailed off until they were almost a mantra in his mind._

_His hand worked soothing circles along her back. He wasn't sure how it happened. He was just trying to comfort her. Trying to make her feel better. Make himself feel better. He whispered in her hair and then he kissed her ear. Her neck. Her cheek. Her lips. She responded and before he fully knew what he was doing he was hungrily pulling Sam's shirt off of her body. He lifted her easily in his arms and staggered back to his bedroom, still drunk, on both alcohol and grief. Even as he lay with her he thought of Rachel and he knew this would end them. She would never forgive him for this. The voice in his head told him that was good because he'd never deserved her to begin with. Later, when he'd opened his eyes and seen Rachel standing in the doorway, the look of pain and disbelief in her eyes, he'd become sick and thrown up. He told himself it was the alcohol. He'd become used to lying to himself._

Quinn took a deep breath and looked quietly at Puck. It was difficult to hear of others going through what she had because someone made the poor decision to get behind the wheel after drinking, but it had been five years and she had become practiced at dealing with the sudden waves of loss that would wash over her. She had found new things in her life to live for and while she still missed Sam with every ounce of her being, she had been able to move forward. "So," she asked her old friend, "are you going to talk to her?"

Puck looked at her as if she were insane. "Her dads are in the hospital. She's dealing with enough. I'm not going to force her to deal with ancient history."

"Your "Rachel Drawer" makes me think it's not that ancient," Quinn replied with a slight smirk.

"Oh my God, I wish I'd never told you about that," Puck cried out with a short laugh. "I just told you so you'd be prepared, you know, just in case you run into her at the hospital."

"Thank you for the warning," Quinn said as she rose from her seat to throw away their empty coffee cups. "I'm working nights this week, so hopefully I'll get by without running into her. And I agree with you. She has enough to deal with right now without adding five year old crap to it."

Just then the front door was pushed open in a flurry of activity as two young boys came running into the living room. "Uncle Puck!" the blonde boy cried out as they both hurtled toward the older man sitting on the couch and flung themselves at him. He laughed and wrestled each boy to the ground as Quinn smiled from the doorway where a tall, thin brunette now stood with her and watched the show.

"Hey, Dani," Puck said from the floor as he flipped each boy over his shoulders. Danielle Davis was Jack's wife. They had a teenage daughter, Chloe, and a five year old, Benjamin who had become fast friends with Sammy and now the two were nearly inseparable. "Hi, Puck," she chuckled from the door.

Quinn closed the door and stood next to Dani as they watched Puck flip their children around as if they were rag dolls. The boys were laughing and screaming as Puck flung one then the other in the air then let them drop until they were inches from the ground, pulling them up and beginning the tumbling all over again. "How did last night go?" Quinn asked the older woman as they moved toward separate chairs in the living room.

"It was good," she replied. "A little too much sugar, but they settled down pretty quickly. I had Chloe take them to the park this morning to try to burn some of their energy off."

Quinn laughed as her son catapulted himself into Puck's arms. "I'm not sure it works like that."

Puck held each squirming boy under each of his arms as he asked, "Did you boys have fun at the park this morning?"

"Yes," the blonde on his left answered.

"Sammy talked to a stranger," said the brown haired boy on his right.

"Tattler!" Sammy yelled as he struggled against Puck to attack his best friend with the big mouth.

"It's only tattling if you do it to get someone in trouble," fought back Ben, "but you did something dangerous and so it's not tattling." He finished his statement by sticking out his tongue.

Quinn glanced at Dani and the woman raised her hands. "Chloe didn't mention anything and Ben didn't say anything until just now."

Puck set both boys on the ground and immediately Ben ran to the safety of his mother, hoping he hadn't done anything wrong. Sammy stood where Puck had set him and looked at Quinn with downcast eyes, his cheeks flushed pink and his chest heaving from his physical exertion.

"Sammy," Quinn asked levelly, trying to remain calm at the thought that her son may have been unsupervised enough to have been able to speak to a stranger. "Is this true?"

The blonde boy flicked his blue eyes toward Puck then back to his mother. There was no way out. "Yes," he said quietly, "but she was crying and I thought she might be lost."

"I'm so sorry," Dani said as she took Ben's hand and stood to leave. "I will be having a talk with Chloe about the responsibility involved when she watches them."

After the two guest had left Quinn extracted the entire story from her son and then reviewed with him the importance of stranger danger. Puck watched as mother and son had their discussion and Quinn finished by pulling her little boy into a tight hug and taking a deep breath, her nose nestled in his blonde locks. When she rose and headed toward the back of the house Puck pulled Sammy into his lap and turned the TV on so they could watch some cartoons together. He pretended not to hear Quinn crying quietly in her room, but he knew that's what she was doing. Even the thought of coming anywhere close to losing Sammy was too much for her. It was too much for Puck. He was all they had left of Sam.

He had thought Sammy was really concentrating on the cartoon until the little boy spoke up. "I scared Mommy by talking to the stranger, didn't I?"

"Yeah, buddy, you did," Puck answered truthfully.

"She'll be okay Uncle Puck. She's just making room for the happiness."


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Once again my own anxiety over a chapter has made me post it before I've edited enough for my liking, so I apologize in advance for any mistakes I may have made. I have no beta, so it's all on me. One more thing before you start reading this chapter. WOW and HOLY CRAP! You guys are so awesome. I loved your reviews and I'm so thrilled that you enjoyed the last chapter. After reading them I walked around with a goofy smile on my face the rest of the night. Seriously. There will be more angsty goodness to come, but as a warning I'm posting this before I've even started the next chapter and I have family coming in to visit this week, so it may be a while before I update. It will depend upon my muse and whether I can get some alone time.**

**P.S. Go GLEE! 3 out of 5 Golden Globes ain't bad, yo! And excuse me, Hollywood Foreign Press, but when are you going to realize that Lea Michele is the best thing to happen to TV since remote controls? Seriously, 0-2? She's got my vote! Okay, I'm done. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee. And also, I'm not a medical professional so everything in this story that has to do with medical stuff is completely fabricated from personal hospital visits and the internet.**

**CHAPTER FIVE**

"Okay, Sweetie. Be good for Grandma and Grandpa and have pleasant dreams. I'll pick you up tomorrow afternoon. And Sammy," Quinn said softly, "Mommy loves you." She smiled when he returned the endearment and closed her phone as she walked down the bright hallway. "Hey Lisa," she said in greeting to the woman sitting behind the U-shaped nurse's station as she clicked away softly on her laptop. Lisa was the tallest woman Quinn had ever met, her height reaching almost six feet. She was pale with a smattering of pinkish freckles across her cheeks and gangly arms that seemed disjointed from her body. Her hair was the color of cornsilk and flowed from a pony tail to brush lightly across the top of her rear. Originally from Texas she had one of the softest southern drawls Quinn had ever heard and could thread an IV painlessly in the most difficult of veins.

"Hey girlie," Lisa grinned at her as Quinn moved behind the counter and stored her purse in a lower cabinet. "How you workin' out these night shifts with that little cowboy of yours?"

Quinn smiled at the mere mention of Sammy. "He's staying with his father's parents for the week. It actually works out really well. They love having him, he loves being there and I don't have to worry about whether he's safe and well-cared for." As she and Lisa exchanged small talk Quinn moved with practiced precision as she made sure her personal area was stocked with the necessary tools, moving certain items she would need with her into the large pockets of her scrubs and looped the stethoscope around her neck. Lastly she pulled her own small laptop from its case and logged onto the hospital's electronic health system.

When Lisa rose to do her next set of rounds Quinn began her beginning shift ritual of checking on the current stats of all the patients she was assigned to on this floor. Her heart stopped when she recognized the new name in her queue and she closed her eyes and breathed slowly out of her nose as she felt dread course through her. Marcus Berry wasn't just on her floor. He was assigned to her section. "Great," she muttered under her breath as she tried to figure out a solution to this problem. If she had been working tonight with anyone else she would have just asked them to step in for her on that particular room and it wouldn't have been a big deal. The problem was, as nice as Lisa was, she was a huge stickler for following the rules. The patients assigned to her were only seen by her and unless there was an emergency or Quinn needed assistance then she would not give care to any of Quinn's patients. "Rules is rules," Lisa always said whenever the issue would come up, "and the person that signs those chart notes needs to be the person assigned to that patient."

Quinn sighed heavily as she resigned herself to what she knew would probably be an awful night. On the plus side, maybe Rachel would insist that someone else be assigned to her father as soon as she realized that Quinn was his nurse. When Lisa returned from checking on some of her patients Quinn left to check on hers. _Might as well get it over with, _she thought as she gripped the handle to Marcus' room with a sweaty hand. She shook her head in frustration. _This is ridiculous. You weren't afraid of her in high school. Why are you afraid of her now? Because now you actually feel guilty about what you've done to her, _she answered herself. With a deep breath she turned the handle of the door and slowly pushed it open.

She had built the confrontation up in her mind to such a degree that when she saw the room was empty except for the patient sleeping quietly in his bed it all felt a bit anticlimactic and she chuckled at herself. Her movement into the room awoke Marcus from his sleep and he looked at Quinn in confusion. "I've been assigned as your night nurse Mr. Berry," Quinn explained as she moved professionally around the room, checking the readings on the machines still attached to him and making notes in his chart on the laptop she had brought with her. The man remained silent as he watched Quinn move efficiently while performing her duties, but he noticed the slight tremor in her hands when she checked the IV drip line and he knew she must be very uncomfortable.

"Are you in any pain?" she asked quietly as she leaned over him to check the bandages that were covering the few lacerations he'd received.

"Only when I move, or cough, or breathe," he answered with a soft smile.

She returned his smile as she typed information quickly into his chart. "The doctor has you on just a simple saline solution to keep you hydrated and Tylenol every 4 hours, but if the pain is too much I could see if we can get you something stronger."

"No," Marcus said as he shook his head. "It's painful, but it won't last. Because of my history I'd prefer to avoid anything stronger as long as I can bear it."

Quinn nodded her head with quiet acceptance. She knew he was a recovering alcoholic and she respected him for putting up with what could be excruciating pain in order to avoid any kind of slip in the wrong direction. "Rib fractures can be really difficult," she replied quietly. "They're painful and medically there's not much that can be done unless they're bad enough to require surgery. It used to be that they would bind up the rib cage, but that isn't done anymore because it can actually cause more pain and prevent the ribs from healing properly. It's one of those "get plenty of rest and call me in the morning" kind of things," she said with a half smile. Glancing quickly around the room for any sign that Rachel might be just down in the cafeteria and coming back soon, she picked up her laptop and headed for the door. She hadn't seen anything and she hoped that it meant Rachel had decided to go home for the evening and come back to be with her father after she was rested. "I'll be back in about an hour and we'll change those dressings," she said as she quickly left the room.

Quinn was grateful as she tended to her patients in her normal methodical way throughout the evening that she had been performing these same duties for over three years because her mind was so distracted that if she hadn't been a veteran she could have put someone in jeopardy. Every step that echoed down the hallway made her jump or cringe. Every brunette that walked around the corner was Rachel until she realized they weren't. By the time she made it back to Marcus' room to change his bandages, almost a half hour later than she normally would have, she was a nervous wreck. But on the plus side, she knew for a fact that Rachel was not in the room this time because she'd been watching for the tiny star like a hawk over a freshly cut cornfield. Anyway that's what Lisa said she was doing.

"How are you feeling Mr. Berry?" she asked automatically as she entered his room for the second time that evening. She didn't really need his verbal answer. She could see he was in pain. "It's been long enough since your last dose so I brought some more Tylenol in," she said as she handed him the small paper souffle cup and the water from his bedside table. After he had taken the pills she began slowly removing the bandages from his neck and arm; then redressed them. There had been a simple silence between them as she changed his dressings, but it wasn't uncomfortable. As she finished the last one Quinn finally found the courage to ask, "Did Rachel go home for the evening?"

"No," Marcus answered, "she's in ICU with Daniel." He waited a moment before adding, "He's in a coma and Rachel wants to be sure he knows he's not alone so she's been with him since they allowed family into the room. I think she's reading him the _Wicked_ screenplay," he finished with a loving smile.

Quinn chuckled softly. "She should sing the songs to him. If there's anyone in the world that could wake you up with there voice it's Rachel Berry." At the look Marcus gave her Quinn faltered and cast her eyes quickly to the ground. "I'm sorry," she whispered, "it was a compliment. Rachel has an amazing voice."

"Yes, she does," he agreed. "But she's also been through a lot, especially in the last 24 hours and I find myself hoping that she stays upstairs until your shift is over."

"So do I," Quinn answered without hesitation. "But if she doesn't," she continued quickly, "I'll try to avoid her seeing me as much as I can. But Mr. Berry, I can't let the unresolved issues that she and I have effect my job."

"Fair enough," he replied.

Quinn breathed a sigh of relief as she exited the injured man's room. At least now she knew where Rachel was and that she most likely would be staying there. Quinn could now go about her job with her mind focused. She didn't have to worry about running into the justifiably angry brunette.

(**************************)

"...so much of me is made from what I learned from you. You'll be with me like a hand print on my heart...because I knew you, I have been changed for good," Rachel sang softly in the tiny room. She held her daddy's hand clasped in both of hers as she continued to sing softly and when the song was over she picked up where she'd left off in the storytelling. She had walked by the gift shop on her way back into the hospital that afternoon and after spotting the play on a shelf had proceeded to purchase it along with a variety of other reading materials. After leaving a couple magazines with her dad and advising him of where she planned on being she had made her way up to the ICU of Lima General with her paper bag full of purchases.

She had thought that seeing her dad in his hospital bed when she'd first arrived that morning had been difficult, but she was not prepared for what met her in the Intensive Care Unit. First of all, the nurse's were more abrupt with her and less accommodating. She tried not to be a nuisance or to complain because she realized they were that way because they were dealing with critical patients that needed constant care. One mistake could be the difference between life and death. Rachel shivered at the idea of having to deal with those kinds of decisions everyday and was thankful once again that she'd been born with so much talent because she really couldn't see herself in this type of career.

Definitely one of the worst things to deal with was seeing her daddy the way he currently was. It was one thing to be told your father was in a coma, but the reality of it was something quite different. In her mind she had imagined it would be like on all the television shows and movies she'd seen. But she was not walking onto a set and it was not an actor lying in the bed waiting for the word "cut" in order to suddenly wake up and be fine.

This was her daddy. He had held her hand on the first day of kindergarten. She had cried because she was scared no one would like her. He had told her that she was Rachel Berry and she was going to be a star one day and if none of those kids could see how special she was then it was their loss and they were probably just too immature to recognize real talent. Now the man that had helped instill in her the self-confidence necessary to persevere in her chosen profession lay unconscious in a bed that made his body look small and frail. There were so many machines, wires, and tubes leading everywhere that she was almost afraid to touch him in case she accidentally pulled on something that would harm him. His skin was a color of gray that scared her.

In the hours she'd been sitting with him she often found herself watching the thin line on the monitor that moved methodically up and down, tracing his breathing patterns. His chest hardly moved and she needed the reassurance of the constantly moving line. Occasionally it would seem as if it took too long for the line to begin to rise, indicating an intake of breath, and a fear would grip her chest as she would prepare herself to hit the nurse's call button. But then it would rise and she found she could breathe again. At least, until it happened again and the fear would grip her once more.

She had dozed off and on throughout the evening. When she was awake she would read to Daniel or speak softly to him, asking him to wake up. Around two o'clock in the morning she awoke from a nap in one of the two chairs that were in the small room and realized that she was hungry and stiff from sitting for so long. She whispered to her sleeping father that she would be right back and quietly left the room.

Rachel knew that the cafeteria was situated on the second floor of the hospital so instead of taking the elevator she simply used the stairs to go down two floors. She hadn't had the opportunity to eat there as of yet, but she had asked the clerk at the gift shop in anticipation of being at the hospital for an extended length of time. She had been with Marcus around lunch time and had considered going to the cafeteria when lunch had been delivered to them in white biodegradable containers with a large gold star outlined in black as the design. She had assumed that someone on the hospital's staff had recognized her and was being proactive in making sure she had nothing bad to say about the facility by having their lunches delivered. It was only when she was once again delivered dinner in the same type of container that she wondered who was taking care of their meals, but she was too concerned over both of her fathers conditions to question anyone about it.

That had been hours ago and she was anticipating having a small snack to not only occupy some time, but to help take the edge off of her nervousness. The food had been delicious and hers had been vegan so she was hoping that the options would be just as good this early in the morning. As she entered the overly bright room her eyes automatically scanned her surroundings, taking in the long metal table that ran along the left side of the room where the food was prepared and the empty tables and chairs scattered through the center with vending machines lining the far right wall. Well, not all of the tables were empty. She watched as a thin nurse wearing pale pink scrubs and white tennis shoes rose from her seat and walked toward a trash bin to empty her tray of the remnants of her meal. She couldn't see her face, but something familiar about the way the young woman walked made Rachel stop in her tracks. She watched the blonde pony tail sway gently as she recognized the confident walk with the slow roll of the woman's hips. And then the woman turned around and the instant she saw surprise flash in those familiar hazel eyes Rachel froze.

This was the exact last place she would have ever expected to run into Quinn Fabray and she was just not prepared for it. She stood in the entrance to the room just staring at the blonde woman, her heart racing, her palms sweating and her mind playing time tricks faster than an old episode of _Lost._

Quinn stood still for a moment as she saw the shock wash over Rachel's face. She had let her guard down because she assumed the actress would be in the ICU with Daniel, but of course she would need to eat. Quinn couldn't believe her luck that it would be at the same time as her lunch break. Taking a deep breath she headed across the room. She wasn't sure what to do. Should she talk to Rachel? Should she just ignore her? What did the tiny brunette want her to do? She still had no idea by the time she reached her and so she stood looking into Rachel's confused brown eyes until she finally said the first thing that came to her mind. "I'm sorry about your dads."

Quinn's voice and her statement did the trick of ripping Rachel out of her shocked state and her eyes instantly narrowed at the woman standing before her. She hadn't seen Quinn in the five years since she and Puck had slept together, but before that the two of them had become friendly. Not friends, really. But they were in love with men who treated each other like family so they found a friendly common ground. They were kind to each other and thoughtful and the fact that Sam and Puck were always wanting to do things together meant that Rachel and Quinn also spent a lot of time together. At this moment there was not a friendly feeling in Rachel's entire body toward the young woman.

"You're sorry about my dads?" Rachel hissed angrily, hot tears instantly springing to her eyes even though she didn't feel at all like crying. "Of all the things you could apologize to me about, that's what you choose?"

Quinn lowered her head as she tried to steady her breathing. Her chest felt heavy and she thought she might hyperventilate. "I didn't..." she tried to start, but halted and started again. "I'm sorry for everything Rachel."

"Sorry," Rachel bit back angrily, her voice rising even though she was trying to control it. "Yes, Quinn. You are sorry. You're a sorry, jealous bitch." Quinn flinched slightly at Rachel's words, but she still stood quietly in front of the furious brunette. "You know, over the years I've tried to figure out what exactly it was about me that made me your favorite target in high school. It wasn't my affinity for animal sweaters or that I expressed myself too much for your taste. It was jealousy. You were jealous of my talent and my boyfriends, so when public ridicule and out right attacks didn't work to keep the boys you wanted away from me you resorted to using sex to steal them away." Rachel paused slightly before adding with an angry breath, "Just like any whore."

Quinn's jaw clenched as she tried to control her anger. She had slept with Puck and she deserved Rachel's anger. She knew this, but it was still an effort to stand there and take what the petite woman was handing out. "I don't know what else to say," Quinn said quietly. "I am sorry for what I did and I wish I could take it back, but I can't. Sorry is all I can give you Rachel."

"Well it's not enough." Rachel's voice shook as she spoke. "You have been the bane of my existence since high school when you slept with Finn."

"Now wait a minute," Quinn spoke up, her spine going rigid at the sudden turn to issues she thought were long gone. "What happened with Finn was not my fault Rachel and you know it. Yes, I slept with him, but I had no idea you two were even together. If you'll recall, nobody knew and that was the way Finn wanted it. I'll take the guilt I deserve, but you can't blame me for you and Finn ending. Besides, I thought you'd thank me for that. It led to you being with Puck." Even as she added that last statement Quinn knew she shouldn't have. She should have never verbally brought him up with Rachel and she could tell that from the flash of pain in her eyes.

"Oh, you're right," Rachel responded, her voice dripping with pain and sarcasm, "thank you so much Quinn. Thank you for sleeping with Finn so that we'd break up and I could fall in love with Puck whom you could then sleep with, again, and break my heart more fully. Thank you Quinn Fabray. You truly are a saint."

"That's not what I'm trying to say Rachel," Quinn replied. She tried to keep her voice quiet even as Rachel's voice seemed to continue to rise in volume. The cafeteria was empty except for the one cashier, but still Quinn didn't want her personal business spread all over the hospital and all it took was for one wrong person to hear. She took a deep breath before continuing. "What I'm trying to say is that I'm sorry about what happened between Puck and I. I regret it very much. Not just because it should have never happened, but because of all the pain it has caused for Puck and for you." When Rachel didn't respond right away Quinn took it as a sign that she was actually listening, maybe even considering what the blonde was telling her so she plowed forward. "I know that you will never forgive me for my actions and I would never be so presumptuous as to ask you for that. But if you could find it in your heart to possibly forgive Puck, or to even just talk to him, to work things out." Quinn let her last statement trail off as she waited for Rachel to respond. Rachel's next works hit Quinn so hard she felt as if the wind had been knocked out of her.

"Would Sam forgive him?"

"What?" Quinn breathed in pain.

Rachel saw the hurt in Quinn's eyes and she didn't care. It actually gave her a small thrill of retribution. "Would Sam forgive Puck for sleeping with you? Better yet, would he forgive you? His beautiful fiance with the soft smile and soulful eyes. If he were alive, would he forgive either of you?" Rachel felt a sudden sting on her cheek and held her hand up to her face in shock. She hadn't even seen Quinn's hand move and yet she knew she'd been slapped.

Tears streamed down Quinn's face and her entire body trembled. Her hand stung and she knew she'd slapped Rachel, but she couldn't actually remember the action. A torrent of words began to spill out of her mouth even as she tried desperately to stem the flow of heartache that Rachel's words had released. "You shut your mouth," she cried. "How dare you? How dare you throw Sam in my face like that! I was trying to avoid you out of respect for what you're going through right now, but when that didn't happen I was honest, Rachel. I was honest with you about my sorrow and regrets and I was willing to let you have your say and walk away, but you ask me that. How could you ask me that? You lost him too! Puck lost him! We all lost him and you throw it in my face like it's nothing." Quinn took a gulp of air as her chest tightened, but she continued. "You don't even know. You don't know what it feels like to lose the one person you love more than anything in the world."

"I don't know?" Rachel yelled back at her. "What do you think Puck was? He was the one person I loved more than anything and you stole him from me!"

"No I didn't!" Quinn screamed back, finally unable to maintain the control she'd had a tenuous grasp on. "Yes, we made a mistake, but he was never mine Rachel. And I was never his and we both knew that. We've always known that. And you didn't lose Puck. He's still here," Quinn sobbed, her words raw with grief, "he's still here. You can talk to him if you want to. You could see him if you wanted to. And even if you never wanted to see or talk to him again at least you know he's here. He's alive. You don't know the pain of losing the man you love...forever. To know that you'll never hear his voice again. You'll never see his smile or feel his touch. Never," Quinn choked out before she ran past Rachel and disappeared down the corridor.

Rachel stood in the entrance of the cafeteria, unable to move and uncaring that the cashier was now blatantly staring at her and had been from the moment the two of them had raised their voices. Quinn was right. If she chose to Rachel could talk to Puck, she could see him. She knew he existed even if she chose not to do those things. Sam was dead and none of them would ever hear him tell a corny joke or hear his uneven laughter ever again. Rachel's shoulders shook as tears streamed down her face and she turned to head back to her daddy's room on the fourth floor. She wasn't hungry anymore.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: I want to first apologize for the length of time since my last update. I'm sure you all know how life can sometimes get in the way. Part of it was a bit of writer's block, but I think that may be gone now since I finished this chapter tonight and got halfway through the next one. I was going to wait, but it's been so long that I figured I would go ahead and post this. No major happenings in this chapter, just more reminiscences, but I feel the need to fill in some of the gaps in the history. This is more of a set up chapter, next one will a doozy. Just warning you. Also, I don't own Glee. Oh, but "Silly Love Songs" has now become my #1 favorite episode of all time, just FYI. Because 1) Rachel's got some friends! _super squeal_ and 2) Firework and Lea's performance of it was flipping awesome! Made me happy! Okay, enough of that, enjoy!**

**P.S. Song credit goes to Plain White T's for 1,2,3,4**

**CHAPTER SIX**

Rachel brushed her hand across the soft comforter covering her old bed as she slowly walked through her old room in her father's house. She hadn't been here since Christmas of her sophomore year of college and yet the room was exactly as she had left it. It was obvious that her dads had kept up on the dusting and vacuuming, but they had been careful not to move a single thing in the room. She breathed in slowly as she closed her eyes and let her body remember the familiarity of home.

It was almost noon on Sunday and she couldn't believe she'd only been back in Lima for a little over a day and already she'd had run-ins with the two people she had wanted to avoid the most. Her dad had been released that morning and after a quick stop at the store to pick up some necessary items Rachel had forgotten in her mad dash to the airport they had headed home to shower and change clothes before going back to the hospital to be with a still unconscious Daniel. Marcus was still in pain and moving slowly, but he insisted he was okay and would be much better after spending some time with his husband.

Rachel grabbed her bag of toiletries and the shopping bag full of items she'd purchased and made her way into her en suite bathroom. She groaned as she looked at herself in the mirror. Two nights without much sleep and the limited lighting available at the hospital had not been good to her. She was thankful that no one had seemed to really recognize her, or if they had they weren't making a big deal about it. She was actually grateful for the anonymity at the moment because she really couldn't handle any more stress in her life right now.

An hour later she felt almost normal again as she exited the bathroom in clean clothing, her styled brown hair falling in soft curls around her shoulders and her freshly applied make-up making her feel as though she could take on another day. As she tossed her dirty clothing into the hamper beside her vanity her eyes fell upon the framed pictures cluttering its surface and then roamed over the ones she had taped to the mirror. She took a deep breath and tried to push down the sadness she felt as memories filled her mind with each picture she saw.

That was junior year, just after they won Regionals. Puck had pulled her aside just before it was taken to remind her that it was the anniversary of their first real kiss and then proceeded to reenact it. _For posterity, babe. _This one was taken at the lake the summer after graduation. Puck and Sam had bet on who could stay underwater the longest. When neither of them had come to the surface after a couple minutes Rachel and Quinn had become fearful and ran to the edge of the small pier, only to be pushed in by the two boys who had snuck up from behind them. They were dripping wet and laughing, the boys not the girls. _You're so not getting any tonight._ She could still remember the pout he'd given her and how he'd tried to pin it on Sam, claiming it was the blonde's idea and he couldn't leave his buddy just hanging out there so he had to join in.

She forced her eyes away from the pictures, trying desperately to stem the memories, and with them emotions, that were now flooding through her. Rachel felt as if the air in the room had become suffocating and she went to the window and pulled it up, letting the late spring air spill into the room. And suddenly she was sixteen again and worried about Puck because he was missing after just giving up his daughter and then elated when she saw his body vault effortlessly over her roof, through her window, and into her room. She could feel the warmth of his body as they had lain together that night. Feel the anticipation and trepidation as she gave herself to him completely.

"Honey, are you okay?" she heard her dad ask from behind the closed door and then she realized she was sobbing. With great effort she found her voice and answered, "I'm fine Dad. I'll be ready to leave in a few minutes." She heard him hesitate and then his footsteps faded as he slowly walked away and made his way down the stairs. _Now is not the time, _she told herself as she went back into the bathroom to clean off her tears and retouch her make-up. Even as she told herself that she would deal with her issues with Puck at a later date she heard herself answer. _You've already waited five years. When will it be the time?_

(***********************************)

Days passed and Rachel and Marcus settled into a routine as they waited for Daniel to wake up. They took turns returning to the house to rest, shower, and change clothes. When they were in the room with him they kept the conversation upbeat. After a heated conversation with Max about the fact that she was still in Ohio and not headed back to California as he insisted she should be, Rachel spent some of her time reading potential scripts aloud to both of her fathers. It had been the only compromise Max would accept. They avoided the subject of Puck and Rachel never mentioned her confrontation with Quinn. Just because they didn't talk about it, though, didn't mean it wasn't constantly on her mind. On her trips to the house she found herself changing her route with increasing frequency. Each time choosing a different street for the purpose of revisiting an old memory.

Until today she had avoided one of the places that held the most memories. But as she watched the windshield wipers work their way methodically back and forth on her trip from the hospital to her fathers house for the evening she found herself remembering another rainy day almost exactly ten years ago and before she knew what she was doing she had already pulled into the William McKinley High School parking lot. It was almost eight o'clock at night and the parking lot was deserted. She slowly drove the rental car to the area she was thinking of and let the headlights cast their glow through the wet night. They barely illuminated the football field, but she could make out the shadow of the bleachers.

_This was the moment, _she thought. Ten years ago she had stood on that field with rain pouring down around her and offered Puck a dry place under her umbrella and friendship if he wanted it as well. She hadn't realized at the time everything that simple offer would lead to. There was a heaviness in her heart, but her eyes were dry as she looked out on the field. She was thinking about all the time she'd spent with Puck. The adventures they'd shared. The things they'd learned, not just about each other and themselves, but about the world. She wondered if she had the opportunity to travel back in time if she would choose to change that moment. The ache in her heart told her _yes_, but underneath the pain she felt, there was another stronger voice that said _no, not for a million Oscars_. Her eyes glanced toward the dark shape of the auditorium and a faint smile crossed her lips.

"_Oh my God, Rachel, that was amazing," Tina gushed as tears streamed down her face. Rachel laughed and tried to brush her own tears away as she pulled her friend into a tight hug. Pulling away she gazed around the group of twenty glee club members engaged in varying forms of congratulatory gestures and heartfelt tearful hugs. It was the final assembly of their high school careers and New Directions had just brought the house down. She could still hear the crowd yelling and whistling from the other side of the curtain. Happiness and excitement rushed through her as she began to make her way around to all the other members, giving hugs and telling them how well they all did. Secretly she loved it when they told her how wonderfully she had performed her solo. Well, maybe not so secretly._

"_Rachel." The brunette turned toward the familiar voice and smiled up with tears in her eyes at the tall boy standing before her. Finn walked up to her and stood there awkwardly as he looked down at the tiny girl in front of him. He couldn't hide the tears that glistened in his own eyes. He gave her a lopsided smile and said, "Can you believe this?"_

_They both chuckled and he raised his arms for a hug. She accepted the embrace and felt her tears quicken as she held the lanky boy close to her, remembering how she had once felt for him, but in the same instant how he had also hurt her. But that was a long time ago and they had both moved on. Rachel pulled back and gave him a smile._

"_Three years ago, Rach, New Directions was just some geeky club that no one wanted to join and everyone made fun of. We got nearly daily slushie facials and almost constantly tortured. But you kept us together. Your determination and confidence in yourself and the team pulled us through a lot of tough spots and just look at us now. Twenty members strong and more planning to audition next year."_

_Rachel blushed at his compliment and laughed, "And we all know how Mr. Schuester's auditioning process works, so they'll all make the team."_

_Suddenly Finn became very quiet and then with a look in his eyes that seemed very much like regret he whispered, "I'm gonna miss you."_

_Rachel was about to respond that she would miss him as well when they heard a voice come over the loud speaker. "Before everyone leaves we'd like to thank you all for coming out tonight." She smiled as she recognized Mr. Schuester's voice and she joined the other club members as they gathered to watch from the side of the stage. She scanned the faces for Puck, but her brow furrowed when she couldn't find him. She focused back on what Mr. Schuester was saying._

"_Three years ago I took over as director for our glee club here at McKinley. We were a rag tag little bunch, but we had big dreams and even bigger voices. Tonight as I looked out on this crowd enjoying the performances that New Directions put on I couldn't help but think about all the things these kids have accomplished. We are the two-time defending Ohio Regional Show Choir Champions and now we are the defending National Show Choir Champions." He smiled wide and paused in his speech as the crowd erupted with cheers._

"_We started with five kids and quickly grew to twelve. Those twelve original members became a family and as more have joined they've become a part of that same family. I hope to continue that tradition and feeling for many more years. But what some of you may not know is that the original twelve members of New Directions performed for the last time tonight." Mr. Schuester had to pause as he became choked up with emotion. He cleared his throat as he tried to continue. "I've watched them grow from young teenagers trying to find their way and figure out who they are to young adults ready to take on the world and go after their dreams. And I am so proud of each and every one of them. Aren't you proud of them?" he asked the crowd which once again erupted in applause._

"_Now, I know you all thought the performance was over, but I have a special treat for all of you," Mr. Schuester continued with a smile as he looked to his right. Rachel followed his gaze and her heart jumped in her chest. Puck was standing in the wings, his guitar slung over his shoulder, his head down as he concentrated on the floor in front of him. "One of our senior members had something he wanted to do tonight and I figured why not? So without further ado, Noah Puckerman!" Mr. Schuester shouted as he ran off the stage._

_As Puck walked to the middle of the stage the curtain slowly rose behind him to reveal a few members of the band. He stood in front of the microphone and the now silent crowd and nervously adjusted the guitar strap. He cleared his throat and then glancing quickly to the left he began to speak. "Thanks, Mr. Schue. And not just for the introduction or for letting me do this, but thank you for caring. It wasn't just by chance that we all became like family. It's because you believed in us when no one else did and we all thank you for that." Turning his attention to the audience he said, "He was right about how much we've accomplished, but not just as a team or with glee club. Before glee club I was a screw up. I was failing most of my classes, tossing kids into dumpsters, and pretty much just being a pain in the ass to every adult I knew. Now I'm going to graduate with a music scholarship to Ohio State – Lima and most adults can at least tolerate me. Glee club changed things for me because I met a girl there that changed me."_

_Rachel's heart stopped beating in her chest and she held her breath. _Oh my God, _she thought, _what is he doing?_ Puck cast another look her way and she could see the faint hint of his trademark smirk pulling at his lips. "This girl is loud and opinionated. Sometimes she's self-centered, but she's working on that. She's also smart and talented and genuinely caring." He smiled as he shook his head. "She's crazy as hell and she pretty much saved my life. Babe, this is for you," he said as he and the band began to play._

_1..2..1,2,3,4_

_Give me more lovin' than I've ever had_

_Make it all better when I'm feelin' sad_

_Tell me that I'm special even when I know I'm not_

_Make me feel good when I hurt so bad_

_Barely getting mad_

_I'm so glad I found you_

_I love being around you_

_You make it easy_

_It's easy as 1, 2, 1, 2, 3, 4_

_There's only one thing to do three words for you_

_I love you_

_There's only one way to say those three words and that's what I'll do_

_I love you_

_Give me more lovin' from the very start_

_Piece me back together when I fall apart_

_Tell me things you'll never even tell your closest friends_

_Make me feel good when I hurt so bad_

_Best that I've had I'm so glad I found you_

_I love being around you_

_You make it easy_

_It's easy as 1, 2, 1 2 3 4_

_There's only one thing to do three words for you_

_I love you_

_there's only one way to say those three words and that's what I'll do_

_I love you_

_I love you_

_You make it easy_

_It's easy as 1 2 1 2 3 4_

_there's only one thing to do three words for you_

_I love you_

_There's only one way to say those three words that's what I'll do_

_I love you_

_I love you_

_I love you_

_I love you_

_Puck removed the guitar from around his neck as the crowd thundered with applause. Rachel felt as if she were propelled forward by some force other than her own will power. She flung herself into Puck's waiting arms and buried her head against his neck as he pulled her close and twirled her around. "Noah," she breathed against his skin as happy tears filled her eyes. "I love you so much."_

_He pulled her to the side of the stage as the final curtain fell and the audience began to noisily leave the auditorium. The rest of the club kept their distance, talking and laughing amongst themselves, as the couple spoke quietly in the darkened corner. "I can't believe you did that," Rachel breathed as she leaned up and placed a soft kiss against his lips._

"_Hey," Puck said with a smile, "I'm the stud of grand gestures. You should know that by now, babe."_

"_Yes, but usually you only resort to such grandiose statements of affection when you've done something to upset me." Rachel furrowed her brow. "What did you do that I don't know about yet."_

_Puck laughed and kissed her forehead to ease her tension. "This wasn't about me messing up, Rach. I promise," he added when she gave him a skeptical look. "Listen, even though you're excited about college and living in New York, I know that you're sad about leaving McKinley and New Directions behind. And I know you're nervous about the long-distance stuff. I just wanted to give you something special to remember our last performance together, because it's definitely not going to be your last performance."_

_Rachel bit her lip softly as she ran her hands along the smooth muscular lines of Puck's arms that were still wrapped around her, holding her firmly against his strong body. "I am sad," she admitted quietly, "and I'm nervous. Noah I love you so much, but I also know that time and distance are not healthy for any relationship. I don't want to lose you."_

_Puck reached his hand up and cupped her chin to force her to maintain eye contact as he said quietly with so much conviction in his voice that she had to believe him, "We're going to be okay. We can do this Rachel. I love you and we can do this." Without another word he pulled her into a deep kiss that lasted so long and left her so breathless that she completely forgot what exactly she'd been nervous about in the first place._

Rachel closed her eyes against the memory and breathed out harshly as she shook her head. _Why do you keep doing this to yourself? _"Screw this!" she said aloud to the empty parking lot and school that only held ghosts for her anymore. "I've spent the last five years not thinking about you," she growled as she angrily shoved the car into drive and squealed her tires on the wet asphalt in her hurry to leave, "I can spend the rest of my life not thinking about you." She started to turn to go towards home but realized there were too many memories there as well. She needed somewhere new. A safe haven where there would be no memories haunting her. No reminders of what she had once had. With a smile she remembered that she'd finally made it into the cafeteria at the hospital only to discover that the meals they'd been receiving had not originated there. Based upon her description of the containers the helpful young man at the cash register had informed her that the food was being supplied by a relatively new restaurant. It had only been open a couple years, but he had raved about the live music and excellent food selection. When she turned onto Washington Street she immediately saw the large gold star emblazoned with black cursive writing. She found an empty spot in the small parking lot it shared with a postal service annex and took a few moments in the car with the light on to check her reflection in the mirror. Even though she hadn't been recognized yet she couldn't take the chance of a bad candid photograph being taken. Max would literally fly to Ohio just to kill her if that happened. Looking back toward the sign she smiled and grabbed her umbrella. "The Gold Star Bar and Grill. Sounds like you and I were made for each other," she said with a smile as she walked toward the entrance.


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: Big surprise, I don't own Glee. Also, song credit goes to Patsy Cline for Crazy.**

**A/N: I apologize for the delay in updates. I know how anxiously I await updates on stories I'm reading and I feel badly when I can't get the next chapter up as quickly as I'd like. I have to admit that I rewrote portions of this chapter at least three times. I hope you all like it because I really struggled. Looking forward to hearing what you think. **

**CHAPTER SEVEN**

Rachel had to admit she was impressed. The Gold Star was a really nice place, especially for Lima. The decorations were upscale but not so much that it would make people living on a modest income feel uncomfortable. It was obviously a popular destination because there were hardly any available tables and she could see that the bar on the other side of the room was almost completely full of patrons. The hostess was very friendly and had accommodated Rachel's wish to find a quiet place at the bar, if possible. With an easy smile the petite auburn haired girl had led her to an empty table in the corner of the bar that Rachel hadn't been able to see. As soon as she'd removed her jacket to hang it on her chair a waitress had arrived to take her order. Rachel ordered a vodka cranberry and the veggie with dip appetizer, then she settled back into the seclusion afforded her by the position of the table and just watched the crowd.

There was a loud thump followed by a sharp squeal of feedback before a deep male voice came over the speakers that were placed strategically around the room to give the best auditory effect. Rachel turned her attention toward the speaker standing on the small stage diagonal from her. He had jet black hair that probably would have been long if it weren't so curly. It reminded her of Mr. Schuester's hair and she couldn't help smiling as she thought of the insults Coach Sylvester would be saying right now if she'd been there. His eyes were a piercing pale blue and yet that was not the most distinct feature. He was very tall. Probably 6'4" or 6'5". And he was large, well over 200 pounds, and most of it muscle. For a moment she thought he might be a bouncer, but then he introduced himself.

"Good evening ladies and gentlemen and welcome to The Gold Star's Karaoke Night. I'm Jack Davis, the manager of this fine establishment. I see some regulars in the crowd tonight and I'm sure you've already made your selections, but if you happen to be new to how this works I'll explain very briefly. There's a few song menus going around. Make a selection. Let our KJ, that's karaoke jockey for you first timers, know what you've selected and he will put you on the list. While you're waiting your turn feel free to enjoy some of our delicious choices from the food menu and libations from the bar. Also, when choosing how to react to a fellow performers choice of song or degree of talent, it may be wise for you to remember that you haven't had your turn yet." He said all of this with a smile and comical movements of his body that his sheer size made even more funny. She couldn't help smiling as he wished everyone a good night and handed the microphone over to an older gentleman with balding hair who was apparently the KJ and not nearly as entertaining as the manager.

Her drink and appetizer arrived moments later and she raised her eyebrows at the quick service. She wondered to herself if people were actually recognizing her, but not saying anything out of respect for her privacy. Or maybe it was just really good service. As she took a sip of her drink her eyes closed in appreciation. It had to be one of the best drinks she'd ever been served in any restaurant. They didn't skimp on the alcohol, but it also wasn't so strong that she felt as if she were doing shots. Rachel slowly sipped her drink and nibbled on the roasted artichoke hearts, brazed carrot sticks, and caramelized onion strings that made up her veggie plate. She could feel the tension easing from her shoulders and the warmth of the drink spreading through her weary limbs. When the waitress came to take away her empty glass and asked if Rachel wanted another, she thought, _why not, _and said yes.

As she drank her second drink of the night she realized her toes were slowly tapping along with the beat of each song that was chosen. Her nose felt slightly numb and she found herself gazing slowly around the room with a dopey grin on her face. She knew she was buzzed. She normally didn't drink. A glass of wine or champagne on special occasions, an occasional mixed drink if she was at a publicity function, but never more than one. As she swirled the ice around in her second empty glass she knew she shouldn't have any more.

She gazed lazily around the room and thought that coming here had been a good decision. It served the purpose of letting her finally relax a little bit. Her mind had desperately needed a rest from all of the worry she was doing about her father and all the buried pain she was exhuming just by being in this town. She had decided to ask the waitress for a water and then possibly call a cab when it happened. She would later call it the Perfect Storm even though in reality it was just bad timing, but then again isn't that what a perfect storm is for those trapped in it. Her waitress approached and took the empty glass. Smiling at Rachel she asked if she'd like anything else. Rachel opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out because at that very moment she heard the notes of a familiar song begin, followed by a not great, but not terrible male voice. _She's got a way about her. I don't know what it is..._ Rachel's heart clenched tightly as the song played and the waitress looked questioningly at her. "I'll have another of the same, please," Rachel choked out.

When the waitress returned the song had ended, but it didn't matter. Rachel drank what was in her glass as if it were simply juice and then ordered another. The waitress took her time bringing the fourth one and if Rachel hadn't already been completely drunk at this point she would have realized that this one had considerably less alcohol in it. She may as well have just ordered Ocean Spray. Now she sat at the corner table tapping her fingers in irritation across the table top. At first listening to the karaoke performers had been fun. She didn't mind the out of tune or off key singers. It had brought her amusement. But now each imperfect singer that left the stage reminded her of glee club, which reminded her of Puck, which was exactly what she was trying to avoid. Finally, she rose up on unsteady feet and made her way to the balding man who controlled the song selection. "Excuse me, sir," she said quietly, her cheeks flushed with warmth from the alcohol and her eyes sparkling with excitement at what she was about to do, "but may I look at a menu?"

(*************************)

Puck rubbed his hands vigorously over his face and then stared blankly at the computer screen in front of him. He'd been trying to put together a cost break down for both of his restaurants for the last couple hours, but he hadn't made much progress and it was beginning to frustrate him. Ever since seeing Rachel in the hospital he hadn't been able to get the tiny starlet out of his head. For days he'd been lost in a fog of memories and regrets. He had to keep forcing himself not to go to the hospital to see her because that's what he desperately wanted to do. Even if all she did was glare and yell at him at least he'd be in her presence. At least he'd be able to hear her voice. He reminded himself that he needed to not be selfish. That she was only here because Daniel was injured and she didn't need to deal with his issues on top of all of that.

Once again he tried to push her out of his mind and refocus on the reports in front of him. When his phone rang he was grateful for the interruption. "Puckerman," he said into the mouth piece.

"Hey Puck," Jack spoke loudly over the line as he tried to be heard over the background noise of the restaurant. "You'll never guess who's currently sitting in our bar listening to karaoke and sipping a vodka cran."

"You're right, I won't," Puck replied even as he smiled at Jack's obvious excitement.

"Rachel Berry," the manager replied almost gleefully.

"What?" Puck asked in shock as a knot instantly formed in his stomach.

Jack continued, oblivious to his boss' sudden discomfort. "Rachel Berry. You know, that actress that grew up here. She's been in a bunch of movies, mostly chick flicks, but she was in that really good drama a couple years back about the lady whose mom died and then she found out she was adopted and went on this whole search to find her birth parents. It was really good. Dani and I loved it."

"I know who she is," Puck growled. He had seen the movie and couldn't help but wonder at the time if Rachel had thought about Abigail at all when she'd been preparing for the role. "What I meant was what is she doing here?"

"I told you, she's sitting in the bar having a drink. When she came in she asked for a quiet place in the bar so Nancy put her in the farthest corner table. She recognized her, but waited until after she seated her to freak out in private. Puck, she's the first real celebrity we've ever had in here. I've already talked to the staff and told them to try to treat her like any other customer, but man, I have to admit I'm super excited."

Puck took a deep calming breath. "That's great Jack. Why don't you just keep me posted on what she's doing and what she thinks of the place?" When Puck hung up he leaned heavily against his desk and placed his head in his hands. _What the hell was Rachel doing in his place? Did she know he owned The Gold Star? Did she find out from the meals he'd been having delivered to the hospital? Was she trying to see him, but doing it in a round about way so she wouldn't have to directly search him out? No, that's ridiculous. Rachel Berry doesn't do anything in an indirect way._

Puck couldn't sit still anymore and he rose from his chair and began pacing the length of his office. She obviously didn't know he owned The Gold Star. She was probably just trying to find some place to unwind after a stressful day at the hospital. He would give her that space. He would remain in his office. Knowing that she was just a few feet away was absolute torture and he continued a routine of sitting down at his desk, then pacing, then sitting, until half an hour had passed and he finally called downstairs because he hadn't heard from Jack. "Did she leave?" Puck asked. He tried not to sound breathless, but his heart was thumping so hard in his chest it was difficult to pull off.

"No," Jack replied, "she enjoyed the appetizer, but she's working on her third drink."

"What!" Puck nearly shouted. There were many things he knew about Rachel Berry and he was sure that over the last few years there were new things to learn because people change, but there was no way her alcohol tolerance had changed that drastically. "Cut her off," he insisted.

"Hold on. Wendi's coming back this way," Jack said. Puck heard a thunk as Jack placed the phone down on the bar. A moment later the manager was back on the line, "She's already ordered another drink, Puck. What should I do? I can't tell the only celebrity we've ever had in here that she's cut off when she's not really exhibiting any signs of inebriation and she's not causing a disturbance."

Puck rubbed his head angrily as he tried to think quickly. "Water down her drink. She won't notice it, trust me. Just limit the vodka and bring her a water. Jack, I'm telling you, do not serve her any more." When he hung up the phone he began the rhythmic pacing again. _What the hell are you doing?_ he asked himself as he came to a sudden stop in the middle of his office. _Stop being a pussy and get down there._ As Puck made his way quickly down the stairs and through the kitchen he couldn't help feeling a little bit angry at Rachel. It had been obvious at the hospital that she did not want to see him and he had respected that and kept his distance. And now here she was, on his turf, making him feel unsure of himself.

He powered through the doors on that angry energy and made it to the bar before he even recognized the voice of the person currently standing on the stage. Puck stood next to a bewildered Jack Davis as Rachel gave the crowd an introduction to her song choice. "I haven't performed in front of a live audience since my days at Juilliard, but it's been even longer since I've been in front of a Lima crowd. You see, I was one of the founding members of New Directions. That's the glee club over at McKinley High for those of you who may not recognize the name of the National Show Choir Champions," she said with her brightest smile. Her eyes darkened a little as if she were remembering something and then she added, "My boyfriend always said I was crazy, but that he loved my kind of crazy. So this is for him, wherever he may be, and whomever he may be screwing tonight." She waved her hand in the air and repeated, "Whoever." After giving the jockey an impatient look she settled herself on the stage in much the same way she had prepared herself before her performances in glee club. Puck leaned closer to Jack and whispered, "Have a cab waiting for Miss Berry."

As the first few strains of Rachel's song selection made themselves recognizable to him he took a deep breath and steeled himself for the expected onslaught of guilt. As her voice hit him, soft and sultry, with so much hope and pain mixed into it, he remembered. He remembered what it had felt like to hear her sing, to watch her perform in her element. Many people had good voices, a few even had great voices, but Rachel was special. It was more than just tone and pitch, it was power and feeling. When she sang it ripped through you in such a way that you almost felt as if you were sharing that moment with her, that emotion, that essence of music. Puck unconsciously gripped the side of the bar as the song she had chosen tore through his chest in much the same way, he imagined, it tore through hers.

_Crazy. I'm crazy for feeling so lonely._

_I'm crazy. Crazy for feeling so blue._

_I knew you'd love me as long as you wanted._

_And then some day you'd leave me for somebody new._

_Worry. Why do I let myself worry?_

_Wondering, what in the world did I do?_

_Oh, crazy. For thinking that my love could hold you._

_I'm crazy for tryin' and crazy for cryin' and I'm crazy for lovin' you._

_Crazy for thinking that my love could hold you._

_I'm crazy for tryin' and crazy for cryin' and I'm crazy for lovin' you._

Rachel held the last note in a long melancholic tone that faded into the quiet that had enveloped the bar as she sang for them. The silence was suddenly split by applause and hoots and cries of encore. She smiled adoringly at her fans and gave a small curtsy as she replaced the microphone into the stand and then headed off the stage. On the last step she suddenly froze. Standing at the end of the bar, his hazel eyes boring into her, was Puck. She hadn't expected to see him, much less for him to hear her cathartic performance.

She snatched her purse off of the KJ's table and moved quickly and with purpose along the bar until she stood in front of him, her eyes flashing with sudden angry tears. "Why can't you just leave me alone?" she asked vehemently. Puck's jaw clenched reflexively at her request. He opened his mouth to try to explain why he was there, but Rachel pushed passed him and headed for the door. It took Puck a moment to realize that she was actually leaving, but when it registered he followed her with long strides of his muscular legs.

Reaching out he grasped her shoulder to stop her from walking through the doors. The tiny brunette spun around and faced him at the contact. "Rachel," he said quietly in an attempt to not draw any more attention to them than they'd already attracted, "you can't drive."

Her eyes narrowed as she glared at him ferociously. "Who are you to tell me what I can and cannot do?" she hissed as she spun back around and burst through the door. The cool of the late spring night hit her with such force she almost lost her breath. _At least it stopped raining_ she thought as she began to walk toward where she had parked her car. Suddenly she felt warm fingers wrap around her wrist and pull her to a stop. Turning around quickly she could see the concern in Puck's eyes and it made her even more angry. She pulled her arm away with such force she stumbled backward.

Puck instantly reacted as he rushed forward and grabbed her arms, his fingers wrapping easily around her small arms just above her elbows. Instinctively he pulled her close against him, using his strength and stability to hold her steady and keep her from falling. He could feel the stark contrast of the heat from her body being so close to him and the cold night air swirling around them. Time seemed to stop for a moment as he held her close. His breath caught in his chest as he gazed down into her dark eyes and he struggled with an overwhelming desire to feel her lips against his own.

Slowly he released his hold on her, letting his hands ghost softly along her forearms until he was practically holding her hands in his own. Rachel flinched and pulled away as if she'd been stung. Her eyes glistened with angry tears as the street lights cast an unearthly glow around them. "How is it possible," she asked sternly, "that after five years of not even hearing your voice I can't seem to go five days without you being in my space? Are you following me?"

"What?" Puck responded quickly. "No, I'm not following you. This is my place, Rachel. I own it."

She faltered at that revelation, her eyes glancing quickly between the building and the man standing in front of her. The name of the restaurant wasn't lost on her and she felt a sharp pain in her chest and the familiar tightening of her throat. She clenched her jaw tightly and then said bitingly, "Well I'll be putting it on the list of establishments I will not be returning to."

Puck's back went rigid and he glared at her. "You seemed to like it just fine when you were chugging back those drinks and shaking your ass on the stage." Even as the words left his mouth he regretted them. He could guess plenty of reasons why Rachel had chosen to drink a little too much tonight and she'd been amazing up on the stage. He'd always thought the stage was like home for her and she'd proven it once again just moments earlier, holding her audience captive in the palm of her hand.

"How dare you?" she sputtered. "How dare you speak to me that way? You are a loathsome, misogynistic, ape of a man Noah Puckerman and I can't believe I ever loved you." Her voice continued to rise as the words tumbled from her inebriated mouth. "You walk around like you're God's gift to women, telling them all whatever they want to hear just so you can get in their pants. You don't care! You don't care who you hurt along the way or what lives you destroy. People think I'm selfish," she scoffed at him as she flung her hands wildly and whipped her hair away from her face, "but you're the selfish one. All you care about is how _you _feel and what _you_ want. Did you ever once think about me? Did you ever once wonder what it did to me to see you with her?" As Rachel choked back a sob a yellow taxi pulled alongside the curb and rolled to a stop.

Rachel stood still as she stared at Puck, her chest heaving, tears streaking down her face. She watched him struggle as his Adam's apple bobbed up and down. Watched the play of emotions pass through his hazel eyes. And she waited. Waited for him to say something, anything. To apologize for his transgressions, to beg for her forgiveness, to tell her to go to hell and get over it. Anything. When he finally spoke she felt as if her heart were shattering all over again.

"Your car will still be here in the morning. You should take this taxi home." He wanted to say more. He wanted to tell her he was sorry that he'd hurt her so deeply. To tell her that she was right, he was selfish. That everything she thought about him was completely true and he couldn't take it back, but he'd spent the last few years trying to be the man she'd always thought he could be. He wanted to take her in his arms and tell her he did care and he never meant to hurt her and could she please forgive him. But he didn't deserve her forgiveness. He didn't deserve to have her in his life at all and the best thing he could do for her was to just let her go. Let her take care of her father and leave and forget that he was ever in her life.

Instead he gave twenty bucks to the driver and opened the back door for the crying brunette. As she slipped into the backseat she looked up at him and whispered through her tears. "I wish I'd never walked up to you that day in the rain. I hate you." Puck closed the door and stood on the sidewalk in the cold long after the taxi had driven away, her words playing through his head on a constant loop. He closed his eyes against the pain that beat in his chest and swallowed down the bile that rose in his throat. When he finally opened his eyes they were wet with unshed tears and there was a desperation in them that hadn't been present before. He glanced quickly back toward the restaurant and began to take a step toward the door only to stop and turn in the opposite direction and walk quickly into the night.

(***********************)

When Puck entered the room a woman with dirty blonde hair was speaking to the assembled group so he slipped quietly into a metal folding chair near the back. He hadn't been to this particular place before. He usually went to the groups that met at the community center because even as a non-practicing Jew he still felt weird being in a church. The woman that had been talking was now crying and Puck diverted his eyes toward the floor and focused on identifying the different colors of fabric in each of the little nubs in the cheap carpeting under his feet. A thin man with scruffy light brown hair and a goatee that didn't really work for him rose and gave the crying woman a hug. Everyone clapped as she slowly moved back toward her seat, including Puck. He scanned the walls, thinking he liked the community center better because at least they had a couple cheap landscape paintings on the walls rather than just a boring off-white paint. The scruffy guy was now talking about bravery and that courage wasn't something you had to find on your own. Sometimes people could supply you with courage. Then he asked if anyone else would like to share.

Puck hadn't intended to raise his hand. He didn't even realize he had until Scruffy Guy looked directly at him with a smile and gestured with his hand as if he were now giving up the floor. Puck rose slowly from his seat and rubbed his now sweaty hands across his thighs briskly, as if he were preparing himself. In reality he was. Sharing his thoughts and feelings had never been something that came easily to him. Rachel had understood that and had read between the lines of what he didn't say. Sometimes she even interpreted what he was feeling into words and explained it back to him in a way that made him think she really did have a sixth sense. He'd never met anyone that had known him and understood him better than Rachel had.

But when he lost her he'd had to figure out his own way of communicating. It had been a hard road. He stood in front of the small group of people, purposefully not focusing on any one person. They were just a sea of faces. A blurry mass of maybe eight people with similar problems who understood what he was going through and could possibly give some support. Clearing his throat with a soft cough he began to speak. "My name's Noah and I'm an alcoholic."


	8. Chapter 8

**CHAPTER EIGHT**

Rachel groaned loudly as she rolled over, pulling the sheets with her. The early morning sun shone softly through the pulled drapes in her room but it felt almost blinding when she initially opened her eyes. She immediately snapped them closed and burrowed deeper into the comfort of her pillow. As her mind began to waken to the new day she groaned again with the remembrance of the previous night. "Oh God," she groaned aloud as she tugged the covers up around her head to try to block everything out. Her first thought was that she hadn't drank that much since her senior year of high school. Her second thought was regret over what she had said to Puck. The last thing that entered her mind was what Max would do if he ever found out she had sung in public.

With a sudden burst of forced energy she flung back the covers and jumped out of bed before she could rethink her decision and walked straight to the bathroom to begin getting ready for her day. As she showered, dressed, and styled her hair she frowned slightly as she thought about her manager/publicist. He had helped her with so much through the years as she navigated the choppy and shark-infested waters of Hollywood. She felt a degree of loyalty toward him and yet sometimes she wondered if he truly had her best interests at heart. When he had first discovered her vocal talents he had asked her if she wanted to be an actress or a singer. When she had replied that she wished to be both he had informed her that she needed to choose one or the other.

Max had insisted that she would only be taken seriously if she devoted herself to one craft. After she was established then they might consider folding the other into her repertoire. Since she had already begun to gain acclaim as an actress in the Sundance film she had decided to take his advice and devote herself to the one medium. Her dream had always been to be on Broadway so that she could express both of her formidable talents in the one form and she had to admit that she desperately missed singing for a crowd. She had kept up with her vocal training and she sang almost constantly to herself when she was at home simply because she loved music.

She was unhappy and there was no avoiding it anymore. She still enjoyed her work, but it didn't bring her the fulfillment she had always thought it would. She sighed quietly as she found her purse and prepared to leave the house to go back to the hospital for yet another day of waiting for her father to wake up. As she pulled her keys out she remembered that her car was still at the restaurant and she growled in frustration. Putting the keys back she wrapped her hand around her phone only to discover that the battery was dead. "Ugh," she huffed as she dropped it back into her purse. Using her father's land line she called for a taxi and waited impatiently for it to come pick her up and take her back to her car.

As she waited her mind wandered back to where it usually wandered when she had any moment of free time. Puck. She had been cruel the night before. Honest, but still cruel. She could still remember the struggle she had watched him go through as she had waited for his response to her long overdue tirade. It had been unfair of her to expect him to have a conversation with her when she was obviously drunk. But the way her body had betrayed her when his warm hands had wrapped around her arms had sent her over the edge. She hated the tingling sensation she had felt long after he'd released her. Hated how her heart had raced at their close proximity to each other. Hated the way her breath caught in her lungs as she had inhaled the masculine scent of him and felt the warmth of that familiarity spread through her body. She had hated all of it and in the same instant wanted more.

Rachel was grateful when the yellow taxi finally arrived and she was on her way to The Gold Star. She shook her head at the name of his restaurant. _Why would he use his nickname for me for his business? __Why would he want that constant reminder? That's easy Rachel,_ she thought to herself, _because the reminders aren't as painful for him as they are for you._ She choked down the painful thought as they approached the almost empty parking lot and she paid the driver and got out. As she walked toward her lone car she was thankful that it was still relatively early and she'd be able to avoid possibly seeing anyone she knew or that had seen her last night.

Before she could even finish that thought or slide the key into the door lock she heard an engine getting closer and from the corner of her eye saw a dark pickup truck pulling into the parking lot. Her heart began to beat wildly in her chest and she felt sick to her stomach. Without even looking she knew who it was. She heard the door slam shut and footsteps on the still damp pavement. From the sound of them she also knew that he hadn't walked away, but was now standing just a few feet from her, waiting. Slowly she turned and gazed at the man who occupied so much of her thoughts and a good portion of her heart. Neither of them made a move toward each other as they tried to read body language and facial expressions.

Finally Puck spoke, "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," Rachel said and she winced at her own tone of voice. The words had come out more harsh than she'd intended. The only sign Puck gave of offense at her tone was a slight crease of his brow. He nodded his head in acknowledgment and began to turn to walk away. A sudden fear swept through Rachel that this was it. If she didn't do something now this would be the last interaction they would ever have. That they would never speak to each other again. Never see each other ever again. Her voice broke forth before she could even think of what she was saying. "Can we talk?"

Puck hesitated only slightly. He had expected to find her car already gone when he arrived at the restaurant that morning, but when he hadn't he had been determined to give her the space she apparently wanted. He was happily surprised at her request. "You want to come inside?" he asked tentatively.

Rachel swallowed hard and then with a slight nod she followed him toward the locked front doors. She fidgeted with the hem of her shirt as she watched him unlock the front door and pull it open for her to walk through. It was the first time she'd ever been in a closed restaurant and it felt strange. She gazed around the dimly lit room with all the chairs upside down on the tables as she waited for Puck to finish locking the door behind them. "My office is in the back," he said quietly as he motioned for her to follow him.

"So, the Gold Star, huh?" Rachel spoke up. "Why'd you name it that? I wouldn't think you'd want to be constantly reminded of me."

Puck stopped and looked directly into her dark eyes. He'd had enough of trying to give her space. Apparently she didn't want it anyway. He didn't lose eye contact as he stated simply, "I don't need a restaurant to be reminded of you. You're never far from my thoughts. But I chose to call it The Gold Star for a couple reasons. One, it was you who made me realize that I could have dreams beyond just trying to stay out of jail and two, it's a constant reminder to me of how quickly you can lose everything that matters."

Rachel was caught off guard by his straight forward answer and she swallowed thickly as she tried to process his words and the litany of emotions they evoked. Surprise that he thought of her, happiness and pride at his success and his inclusion of her in the process of said success, and sadness for both of them because they had both lost so much. She cleared her throat and finally pulled her eyes free from his stare. "I," she started then stumbled over her words as she tried to change the subject to something less personal than their past, "I think I left my jacket here last night."

Puck gave her a brief flash of a smile and said, "I'll check for you," as he moved around to the other side of the bar. He disappeared for a brief moment and then reappeared holding a dark leather jacket. "Is this it?" he asked as he held it up for her to view.

"Yes, thank you," Rachel replied as she reached out to take the article of clothing from him, being careful not to let her hand touch his. She knew what physical contact with him could do to her and she really wanted to avoid that this morning. For a brief moment she hesitated when Puck swung through the kitchen doors and held it open for her, waiting for her to follow him to his office. She didn't know what she was doing here. What was she hoping to gain by rehashing long dead relationships? She heard her inner monologue say _If your feelings were long dead it wouldn't hurt so much nor scare you so much to be around him._ With a shaky breath she forced her feet to move forward and follow him through a pristine kitchen and then up some stairs and through a red door that led to his office. The entire way Rachel was telling herself that this was good. It was progress. They needed to talk. She needed to know how he could just throw her away. She needed to know if he'd ever really cared about her or if she'd just been another conquest for him. High-maintenance virgin starlet – check. Maybe she'd save those questions for another day. She didn't feel quite ready for the answers, but she knew they at least needed to start a conversation. Something had to change because she couldn't deal with being angry anymore and she needed to be able to move forward somehow.

As she entered his office she paused in the middle of the room as her eyes soaked in the stylish furnishings. She had to admit she was once again surprised. She had been expecting some sort of bachelor pad with pictures of half-naked women covering the walls. Definitely not the warm tones and comfortable furniture that she found instead. "Wow," she whispered, "Puck this is really nice."

Puck chuckled softly as he turned to face her. "You sound surprised."

"I am," she responded honestly with just the hint of a smile.

Puck shook his head, tucked the tips of his fingers into the pockets of his jeans and leaned back against his desk as he watched the petite brunette slowly make her way across the room. She moved around the edges, slowly dragging her fingertips across the edge of an end table as she approached a wall covered in framed pictures. Neither of them spoke a word and he was content with the silence. Just having her be so close, being able to watch her move gracefully across the floor in front of him was so far beyond any reality he'd ever dreamed possible that he almost felt like pinching himself to make sure he wasn't actually dreaming. But the slight awkwardness in their conversation so far and the pensive look on her face made it all too clear that this was real.

Rachel couldn't seem to find her voice. There were so many questions running through her head, so many things she wanted to say, but she wasn't sure she was ready to just jump into a deep discussion or angry fight. She let her gaze pass slowly over the pictures hanging on his wall as she tried to figure out how to start a conversation five years in the making. She could feel Puck's gaze on her from across the room and it was unsettling, but she refused to make eye contact. She needed the time to compose herself and her thoughts. She hadn't planned on having this happen today. She hated not having a plan.

"You coach a girl's little league team?" she heard herself ask. She couldn't stand the silence anymore and the question was out of her mouth as soon as it entered her mind.

Puck stiffened slightly at the question but then he instantly relaxed. He'd been expecting an entirely different line of questioning and it took him a moment to realize she was trying to make small talk. She was easing herself into the conversation rather than jumping straight in. He shook his head with a smile. They had definitely both changed. "No, I sponsor it," he answered simply.

A small smile curved across her lips as she looked at the group of grinning girls. They looked like they ranged in ages from probably nine to twelve years. Their hair was done in all different styles, some were wearing baseball caps, some had theirs pulled back in ponytails, some wore it cropped short, but all of them had huge grins on their faces as they posed in their matching uniforms. White pants with black and gold stripes down the sides and a white t-shirt with a large gold star on the front and black writing scrawled across in large cursive. Gold Stars. Her eyes flicked to Puck standing to the side of the group, a huge, happy grin on his own face and she felt her heart ache because she hadn't seen that look on him in a long time.

She heard Puck saying, "They're in Cincinnati so I don't really have the opportunity to coach, but I'm going to be in Cincinnati more this year so I'm hoping to be more involved this season than I was able to be last season." She was only slightly listening to him. Something in the picture had caused her to hesitate. Something she couldn't quite put her finger on until she looked more closely at Puck. His hand was resting slightly on the shoulder of the girl standing next to him. Her light brown hair was pulled up into a ponytail and she was grinning just like all of the other girls. She looked like she was probably nine or ten years old and Rachel's heartbeat quickened in her chest as she moved the focus of her gaze from the familiar looking girl down to the list of names at the bottom of the picture. Front row, left to right: Noah Puckerman; Abigail Ellison. Rachel stopped reading as she let out a little gasp.

"Oh my God," she breathed as she slowly turned toward Puck who was now standing and walking toward her with a soft smile on his face. "You have contact with Abigail?"

Puck smiled at her and she couldn't restrain herself from returning it before quickly turning back to study the picture more. She hadn't seen the girl in ten years and had honestly never thought she would see her again. Her hair was darker than she thought it would be. It had been such a light color when she was a baby that Rachel had assumed she would be a blonde like her mother. She looked happy and healthy and at first glance like a darker version of Quinn. The more she studied the photo, however, the more she could see Puck in the young girl. Rachel saw him in the confidence and ease with which Abigail seemed to fit in with her peers. In the way she stood, with slightly more weight resting on her right foot. In the almost cocky smile and glint in her eyes that made you feel as if she were laughing about some secret joke you weren't privy to.

"She has your smile," Rachel whispered. Turning back toward Puck she wiped quickly at the tears that were forming in her eyes. How much had changed? How many other life-altering moments had she missed out on since her absence? She realized with a start that with as much history as she and Puck shared neither of them really knew much about the others life in the last five years. She was all too aware of how much could change in a split second, let alone years. She had a sudden urge to hug him and let his strong arms wrap around her and purely out of self-preservation she moved away from him and toward the couch against the far wall. "How long have you had contact?"

"A little over a year," he replied as he trailed behind her but took his place back at his desk rather than joining her on the couch, sensing that she needed some distance. "Man, it was a shock when I got that phone call from Drake," he continued with a soft laugh and a shake of his head. "I'd always kind of hoped that she'd want to meet me some day, but I refused to dwell on it because it was too painful to think about her maybe never wanting to know me."

Rachel remained silent as she let Puck work through his emotions and find the words to express himself. He couldn't help smiling inside as he made eye contact with the woman sitting on the couch a few feet away from him. _Some things haven't changed_ he thought as he realized she still knew how to draw him out, how to let him find his own way. "I jumped at the chance, but Quinn was a little hesitant. I think she was afraid to want what she couldn't have," Puck cleared his throat as he noticed Rachel instantly tense at the mention of the other woman, "but, uh, we ended up going to Cincinnati and spent the afternoon with them."

"How did that go?" Rachel asked quietly. Her curiosity about Abigail slightly outweighed her instinctive reaction at the mention of Quinn.

"It was amazing," he said with a huge grin which turned into a wry smile, "and awkward and strange. But mostly amazing. She's so funny and adorable, Rachel. And she's happy, which is the most important thing. Now it's kind of like we're friends. I sponsored her baseball team when the other sponsor dropped out. She's in band and basketball also and I've been to some of her games. Drake and Sara are really cool. I'd say we're almost like friends." He paused as he fought back the emotions that threatened to spill over. "It was the right decision, giving her up." His voice dropped to almost a whisper as he said, "Thank you for being there for me."

The air was heavy between them for a moment as they tried to figure out where to take the next step. Puck felt as if he were stepping through a mine field, unsure of each conversation topic, desperately trying to not set an unseen bomb off with one misstep. So far he'd let Rachel lead the way, letting her choose what was okay to talk about and what was forbidden. Carefully he ventured out a little on his own. "How's Daniel doing?"

Rachel took a deep breath and gave him a half-hearted smile. "The doctors say he's doing well. He's basically recovered from the surgery. Now we're just waiting for him to wake up. There's still some brain swelling but it's not nearly as bad as it was before. Right now it's just a wait and see situation, although they did mention the possibility of him getting moved out of ICU and into his own room if his morning rounds go well, which I'll be grateful for because those rooms are tiny and quite uncomfortable."

"Thank you, by the way," she said quietly. At Puck's quizzical look she added, "For the meals. I didn't realize they were from you. That's part of the reason I came here last night. I already knew it was really good food and I didn't think it had any tie to you." Puck flinched slightly but tried not to show the hurt he felt at her statement. "Not that I was trying to avoid you," Rachel hastily said and then corrected herself, "but I was, I mean." Rachel stopped and let out a sigh. "It's just difficult," she finally half whispered, "everywhere I look there's a memory."

"I know what you mean." Rachel gazed at Puck and he gave her a half smile as muscles in his jaw jumped. "I live in this town and I drive by places every day that remind me of either you or Sam. Sometimes that's good and sometimes it's bad, but I imagine it's easier to forget when you're not constantly reminded. Coming back after five years away must be incredibly jolting for you."

Rachel nodded her head in agreement. "I wanted to apologize for what I said," she started, but Puck quickly interrupted.

"Don't. There's absolutely nothing you need to apologize for."

"Okay," she acquiesced. Rachel bit on her bottom lip slightly and then said, "But I do need you to know that I didn't mean it." Puck shot her a look that said he didn't believe her. "Well, some of it I meant," she conceded with a quirk of her lips. Her face became very serious as she said, "I don't hate you Puck."

He clenched his jaw tightly and heaved a sigh. "You should. I hate me."

Rachel opened her mouth as if she were about to say something else but the sudden interruption of Puck's phone startled them both into silence. Puck rose from his reclining position and walked around the desk to look at the caller id. He didn't recognize the number. Raising his finger to Rachel in a quick motion to let her know that he'd just be a moment he lifted the receiver and said, "Gold Star Bar and Grill, Noah Puckerman speaking."

A small smile flickered on Rachel's lips as she listened to how professional he sounded when he answered the phone. She took a calming breath and ran her hands lightly over her thighs in a nervous habit she'd had since high school, only now she wore jeans instead of a skirt. They'd been on the verge of serious conversation and she was a little disappointed by the phone interruption. When she heard Puck say, "Actually, she's here," she looked up quickly. Her brow arched at him as he motioned for her to come take the phone. "It's your dad," he replied at her unspoken question and she rushed to his side, quickly grasping the receiver to her ear.

"Dad what's wrong?" she asked, her heart suddenly pounding hard in her chest. Puck stood nervously next to her as he watched her brow furrow at the words coming across the line. The corners of her mouth turned down slightly as she shook her head. "No, my phone died and I haven't had a chance to recharge it," she replied to whatever was being said. Puck couldn't help but note the slightly angry hint to her tone and he wondered what was going on. He'd been surprised to hear Marcus' voice on the other end of the phone when he'd answered and even more surprised when the older man had asked if Puck could possibly go to his house and check on Rachel because he'd been trying to contact her all morning and she wasn't answering her phone and he was worried.

"No Dad, I'm on my way to the hospital." She paused as she listened to him and then glanced quickly at Puck. "It's fine. We can talk later. I'll charge my phone and take care of it. Don't worry. Okay. I love you and I'll see you soon," Rachel said as she hung up the phone with an angry sigh.

"Is it Daniel? Did something happen?" Puck asked Rachel worriedly.

"No, Daddy's the same. It's work," she replied, clearly trying to hide her anger as she dramatically swept her tongue across her top lip in an effort to not say something she'd regret. Puck smiled at the familiar quirk. "Apparently my manager's been trying to get a hold of me and since my phone is dead and he wasn't able to reach me he decided it would be a good idea to call my father and worry him to death." She looked with regret into Puck's hazel eyes. "I have to go take care of this, but I do want to talk to you," her eyes flicked to the floor, "about what we didn't get a chance to talk about."

Puck nodded. "Whenever you're ready I'll be here."

Rachel flashed him a small smile and walked to the door after picking up her purse. Puck's words stopped her with her hand on the doorknob.

"Rachel I know I hurt you and I know that seeing me and being in this town is really painful for you and I don't want to cause you any more pain," Puck paused as he took a deep breath and forged ahead. "But I also know that you're dealing with a lot right now and you're trying to be strong for both of your dads and it doesn't really seem that you have anybody to help you. I'm sure you have tons of friends in L.A. and your boyfriend and everything, but they're not here right now so I want you to know that I'm here. You know, if you need a friend. Because even if I'm not your friend, you're mine and I want to be there for you."

Rachel took a painful breath and tried to fight down the tears that were threatening to spill from her eyes. Puck was wrong. She had no friends in L.A. that would support her. She had no boyfriend. She had no one to help her be strong and his decision to use the same words she had said to him all those years ago on a rain soaked track just made her heart ache even more for everything she no longer had in her life. She cleared her throat and slowly turned to look at him as he stood there expectantly. "I understand that you and my dads have reached some sort of friendship. Although I'm not yet aware of the details of that friendship I'm sure that my dad would like to see you. He could probably use your support and while I know that he loves me I also know that people can grow tired of me quickly and the change in conversational topics would most likely be welcomed." With a final nod toward him she turned the doorknob and quickly walked down the stairs and out of the restaurant.

Puck stood rooted in the same spot for a long time before a smile slowly crept across his face until it became a grin. They still had a lot to discuss, but this was a first step and the fact that Rachel hadn't shut him down was a really good sign. For the first time in five years Puck could see a little sliver of hope and that sliver was all he needed.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: This was more of a filler chapter, but there's some pretty good Puck/Rachel interaction. Rebuilding takes time. Anyway, thanks for the reviews and alerts, I don't own anything. Oh, and after this chapter a slight warning, a bit more angst ahead. I've already written most of the next chapter so if my muse keeps working you shouldn't have to wait too long for an update. Thanks so much for reading and reviewing!**

**CHAPTER NINE**

Rachel tossed her phone on the side table and ran her fingers through her hair in frustration. Upon arriving at the hospital that morning she had discovered that Daniel was indeed well enough to be moved into his own room. While it would seem like a simple task to roll a gurney down a hallway, into an elevator and then down another hallway Rachel was quickly discovering that there wasn't much that was simple when dealing with a hospital. There was paperwork to read over and sign and then they had to wait for a new room to be assigned and for people to come and actually move her father to this new room. There was equipment to be set up and more paperwork if that was even imaginable. She had to admit it was a comfort to know that her daddy no longer required the constant attention the intensive care unit provided. Plus the new room was much larger. There was room for two comfortable chairs and they had a window that looked out over the street and onto the small park Rachel had wandered into days before. The window ledge actually stretched almost the full length of the room and was wide enough that it was serving very well as a sort of bookshelf/desk/sometimes chair.

As soon as they had been allowed into Daniel's new room Rachel and her dad had wasted no time in setting up camp. Marcus had his laptop and Blackberry with him so that he could keep up with work. Over the days of waiting for Daniel to recover in ICU they had acquired a couple pillows and blankets from home, travel size games of Scrabble and Yahtzee!, and a plethora of magazines and books to keep them busy. Once they had finally settled in Rachel had plugged her own phone into an outlet specifically set aside for long-term visitors. Her stomach sank as her phone began to vibrate with the effects of 27 missed texts and ten voice mails. All of them from Max.

It was now noon and Rachel had spent the last hour arguing with Max and she was exhausted and frustrated to say the least. As her stomach gave an insistent growl she realized that she was also starving. The morning had been so busy that she hadn't even realized she'd failed to eat anything since the appetizers the night before.

Marcus had given her the space she needed as she had spoken to her manager even though he'd frowned worriedly at some of the things she'd said. He was waiting for the right opportunity to begin a conversation when the audible proof of her hunger gave him what he'd been hoping for. "I'm pretty hungry myself," he said with a smile when Rachel looked sheepishly at him. "Do you want me to go get something and bring it back here?"

A soft knock on the door made them pause. Usually the nurses would knock once and then enter without waiting for a response. When the door didn't open immediately Marcus responded. "Yes?"

The door swung slowly open and before they could even see who was coming through the doorway they were hit with warm, mouthwatering aromas that made them almost moan with anticipation. "Puck," Marcus said with surprise as he slowly rose from his chair and walked across the room to take one of the packages from the young man's hands.

"I thought maybe I'd bring you two lunch today instead of just having it anonymously delivered." Puck looked anxiously toward Rachel as he tried to gauge her reaction. They had appeared to come to some sort of tentative truce this morning and he had wanted to continue that progress in the right direction, but he was also afraid that he might be pushing for too much too quickly. He had discovered that he often did that and he was trying to work on it, but he had no patience. "I hope I didn't overstep." He addressed Rachel with his words and waited hesitantly for a response.

"You're timing couldn't have been more perfect. Thank you Puck," she said with a soft smile. The relief she saw wash over Puck's face made her lower her head to hide the even larger smile that threatened to appear.

"Yes, thank you Puck," Marcus echoed as he pulled containers from the bag and handed Rachel the one with her name scrawled across the top.

"Is it okay if I..." Puck trailed off as he gestured toward the small man lying comatose in the hospital bed.

"Of course," Marcus quickly replied as he took his own meal and reclaimed his chair positioned on the near side of the room and close to Daniel.

Puck walked around the bed, skirting Rachel in her chair, and stood beside Daniel's bed as he looked down at the older man. "So I heard somewhere that people in coma's can hear what's being said even if they can't respond. I'm kind of betting on that because Daniel, man, you have to wake up." He spoke to the uncommunicative man as if he were expecting a response. "Oh, hey. I wanted to thank you for the contract you wrote up for Treble Clef when we were having the plumbing done. Superb job and I never knew it would come in handy so quickly. A couple days ago we had a pipe burst because of sub-par materials and I called the contractor that did the job. Because of our contract that you totally nailed he's replacing everything for free."

Puck moved back against the window ledge and leaned against it as he continued to speak to Daniel Berry as if the two of them were simply carrying on the most normal conversation. "So I totally owe you now and I'm trying to think of what I could do to show you how appreciative I am, but for the life of me I can't come up with anything. I'm thinking you need to tell me what you'd like. Anything you want, well within reason, I'll do it. You just have to wake up and tell me what it is. And if that's not incentive enough, you have to have realized by now that Rachel's home. I know how much you've missed her being around. We all have. And you don't want to miss out on any of that time, so you have to wake up as soon as you can Daniel because we're all just sitting here waiting for you."

Rachel had forgotten completely about the food resting warmly on her lap as she listened to Puck speak to her father in such a kind way. She and Marcus had been making an effort to speak to him in the same way, to treat the situation as if he could hear everything they could say. But still sometimes they would slip into speaking about him and his condition as though he weren't really there, as if he couldn't hear them. Tears formed in her eyes as she gazed at the man just a few feet away from her, the sun shining brightly down on his shoulders and she had to force herself to remember why they weren't together anymore to keep herself from throwing her arms around him and hugging him until her arms ached.

Puck suddenly rose from his reclining position and began shuffling toward the door. "Well, I should probably be going now," he said quietly, almost self-consciously. "I'm glad you're doing better Daniel and I hope to speak to you all again soon." His hand was reaching for the door handle when he heard Rachel's voice.

"Puck," she said quickly. When he looked at her expectantly she continued tentatively, "Would you like to stay and join us for lunch?" With a motion toward the food he had brought she said, "There's plenty to share."

Puck's jaws clenched as he tried to control the grin of pure happiness that threatened to explode over his face. "I already ate," he replied but then added, "but I'd like to stay and hang out if that would be okay with you?"

"It would be lovely," Rachel responded. She glanced toward her dad to gauge his response to the entire exchange and she caught the flash of a smile before he lowered his head to seemingly concentrate on the food he was suddenly trying to shovel into his mouth. When Puck made his way back to his seat on the window ledge Rachel asked, "So what's Treble Clef?"

With a smile Puck teased, "I thought an accomplished singer such as yourself would know the answer to that."

Rachel made a face and stuck her tongue out at him. "Very funny No...Puck," she quickly corrected as her face flushed and she looked down at the container of food instead of anywhere else. Everything had felt so comfortable for a moment. His teasing was so familiar that she had responded as if by muscle memory, the same way she could still remember most of the choreography to "Don't Stop Believing", not like it had been difficult. But now the room was filled with an awkward silence because they all knew she had started to call him Noah and had stopped herself. And they all knew why she couldn't call him Noah now. Her father saved her.

"Treble Clef is a jazz club Puck owns in Cincinnati. It's really quite nice. Daniel and I went there the night," he paused and took a slow shaky breath, "well we were coming back from there the night of the accident. You loved it, didn't you Danny?" He finished with a shaky laugh as he leaned forward and gently rubbed the arm of the unresponsive man.

"You should have told me you were going Marcus. I would have made sure you had the best seat in the house."

Marcus smiled at him. "We had a great table and the band was really good. Three Moon Alley, I think?" he shot a questioning look toward Puck.

The dark haired man nodded his head with a smile. "Yeah, Artie just signed them to his label but he's keeping them in smaller venues to build some grassroots fan base. Just next time you need to call me so I can hook you and Daniel up, alright." He didn't leave it as a question, more a command. Rachel's voice joining the conversation suddenly drew his attention.

"You own two restaurants?" she asked quietly. The look on her face made his chest ache and he wasn't sure why. She seemed proud of his accomplishments, but at the same time he could see a trace of hurt and he didn't understand why she'd feel hurt by his success. He was so proud of her's.

As Puck relayed the details of how long he'd owned each restaurant and how he'd gone about opening each one Rachel struggled to fight the hurt that welled up inside of her. She was trying so hard not to be selfish, to show Puck only how proud she was that he'd accomplished so much. Without her. She knew that's where the pain was coming from. Over their years together they had talked so much about the way they wanted their lives to turn out. The things they wanted to do. Together. It had always been together. And now here they both sat, each of them still having made a success of their lives, but without each other. It made her incredibly sad to realize that he hadn't needed her all along because if she was honest with herself, her dream of success had always felt incomplete without him by her side.

The conversation between the three of them ebbed and flowed as they ate together. They talked about work and the weather and other safe topics. It actually felt good and comfortable. _Natural_ Rachel thought with a smile as Marcus and Puck laughed about some joke she hadn't picked up on because she'd been so lost in her own thoughts. Suddenly Puck turned to her and asked, "So how did that work thing work out this morning?"

"I've been wondering that myself," Marcus chimed in as he noticed his daughter instantly tense across the room.

Rachel sighed as she placed her now empty food carton in the trash can sitting a foot away from her. "Max was just in crisis mode this morning because my little performance last night made it onto YouTube." At Puck's quizzical look she explained, "Max is my manager and publicist."

"Why should it matter? You were amazing," Puck responded emphatically.

"Thank you," Rachel blushed, "but when I hired Max we decided that I would be an actress, not a singer. He was very upset that I had chosen Lima, Ohio to debut my musical talents. Although, after our conversation this morning I'm beginning to wonder if he ever had any plans on directing my career toward music at all. Either way, he's upset and wants me to come back to L.A. immediately so that I can do some interviews about _Lay Over, _my new movie that's getting ready to come out and draw attention away from whatever is posted on the internet." At the concerned looks that she received from both Puck and her father she continued hurriedly.

"I informed him that it was out of the question that I should leave Lima before Daddy's recovered and I know that he's going to be okay. He argued back that I was under contract to the studio to do publicity for the film and it didn't matter what Daddy's condition was. Well, of course, that infuriated me so I told him in no uncertain terms that I would not be leaving the state of Ohio until I was good and ready and there was nothing he could do about it. And since he's _my_ manager and _my _publicist then he'd better figure something out to either keep the studio at bay or save my career. Not that I think a simple video on YouTube that no one would watch anyway would ruin my career."

Both men were silent for a moment as they took in everything that Rachel had said. When Puck spoke up he almost sounded angry. "Okay there are so many things wrong with what you just told us, but first of all, why would you even have to choose between singing and acting? All of your favorite stars are both. Barbra Streisand, Patti Lupone, Bernadette Peters. They're all actors and singers. In fact, most people on Broadway are double if not triple threats." When Rachel looked shocked he replied, "Come on Rachel, we dated for five years. I picked up a few things along the way."

Marcus chose to speak up at this moment. "And is he seriously trying to threaten you with legal action from the studio? I thought he was supposed to work for you, sweetie. On your behalf. Not the studio's. It sounds to me like he has far too much control over you and I'm concerned that you're giving him that control."

"Yeah," Puck added. "This is your career and your dream, Rachel. Why would you let some guy who's known you for less time than anyone you went to high school with make such huge decisions about the dream you've had since you knew what a dream was?"

"He works for me," Rachel said, her tone defensive as she realized that many of the things they said were all too true. "If I do well then so does he and vice versa. Of course he's going to make good choices for my career."

"No, Rach," Puck argued, "he's going to make good choices for _his _career. He obviously doesn't care about you personally since he's trying to force you to leave your injured father's side so you can go be on _Ellen_ or something and try to convince people that you're less talented than you are. You're not his only client Rachel. This guy's like an evil musher or something." When he said that Rachel looked at him as if he'd lost his mind. "You know," he clarified, "he's riding on the hard work of the pack of dogs dragging his sled, but instead of taking care of them he's the kind of guy that's just going to cut the weak or injured dog loose to fend for itself."

"You don't even know him," Rachel huffed. "All you're going off of is this one incident. You think you can judge my life and who's in it after a few minutes of me recounting a conversation? You don't get to do that. One day of pleasant conversations doesn't make up for five years of heart break." The room went suddenly silent at her words. She cast her eyes to the floor, unable to look at the hurt in Puck's eyes. _So what,_ she thought, _he should hurt a little. He can't just expect everything to go back to the way it was._

After a few moments Marcus cleared his throat. "So, I have a question perhaps you two could help me with?" When two brunette heads lifted their eyes to look at him he asked, "Exactly what performance is it that's causing such a fuss?" Puck laughed out loud and Rachel groaned and put her head in her hands.

"We should totally check it out," Puck said as he reached for Marcus' laptop. While he found his way to the website and searched for the video he explained. "Rachel showed up for karaoke at The Gold Star last night. She needed to blow off some steam and I guess at the time she wasn't thinking about how quickly one little video can go viral. Bingo!" he said as he found what he was looking for. He moved across the room so that Marcus could see the screen.

"Puck, no!" Rachel protested. "I don't ever look at anything about myself online. I learned a long time ago that people can be cruel," she said as she thought about what the Cheerios used to post on her MySpace page.

"Oh come on sweetheart," Marcus cajoled as he looked at the screen, "You don't have to watch it. I haven't seen you sing in ages and I want to watch this little performance you seem to think is no big deal." The video had begun shortly after Rachel had taken the stage and included her introduction of the song. A small smile was on Marcus' face as he heard his little girl's voice come through the tiny laptop speakers. He couldn't help tearing up a little at the obvious pain she felt while singing the song and he glanced at her across the room. Her hands gripped each other in her lap as her eyes flickered to every spot in the room except the two men watching the video. He could see that her breath was coming in quick gasps as she tried to control her emotions and anxiety and he felt badly for forcing the issue of the video. He could have waited and watched it on his own later.

Puck felt badly as well. He'd only been thinking about hearing her voice again, but had forgotten that the song she had chosen to sing had been an emotional plea about him. In an effort to lighten the mood he said, "Rachel you have to see some of these comments." The tiny brunette just shot him a glaring look from across the room but refused to answer.

"I'm serious," Puck pushed. "I'm a huge fan of Rachel Berry, but I had no idea she could sing like this. Amazing! I love her even more now." He looked up to see if there was any reaction from the young woman, but when she remained stone faced and angry he continued. "Wow! Not only is she a stone cold fox but she's got pipes too!" Puck smiled as he scrolled down and picked out comments to read aloud. He had to admit there were a few that weren't flattering and it made him instantly angry because who were these people to judge anything about her, a woman none of them even knew. "I hope she does Broadway. She'd be amazing." He saw a small smile pull at the corner of Rachel's mouth and decided to keep going and make a few up as he went along. "Who's the guy she's talking about in the beginning? He sounds like a total douche!"

"They did not say that," Rachel suddenly spoke up with a slight laugh.

Puck smiled and continued, "She's so beautiful and talented. Where was this taken? I'd love to see her perform live." "I was there. It was amazing. She just got up and sang in this awesome restaurant called The Gold Star. They serve great food and it's so much fun. The best restaurant I've ever been to, especially now there's a chance to run into Rachel Berry there."

"Oh my God Puck," she burst out laughing, "nobody said that."

His grin stretched from ear to ear as he looked up at her from the computer screen. "They totally did, babe." And that was it. The term of endearment had slipped from his lips so easily, so quickly, that he hadn't had time to edit himself. He saw the flash of pain and the sharp intake of breath that she couldn't help at his words. He looked at her with such regret as he whispered, "I'm sorry. It was a slip. I'm sorry Rachel."

Rachel tried desperately to swallow past the lump in her throat as she took a shaky breath. She shook her head as she gave him a half-hearted smile that looked more like a grimace. "It's okay," she breathed as she waved her hand in the air. As if she could brush away the pain along with the word that hung between them.

"I should probably go," Puck said quietly as he closed the laptop and handed it back to a very quiet Marcus.

"Thank you for coming Puck," Rachel said quietly as he moved toward the door. He stopped and looked at her and she forced herself to make eye contact with him. His hazel eyes were more green today. She had always loved his eyes, how expressive they were. She held his gaze wanting desperately to let him know that it truly was okay. "I think we all enjoyed your visit very much." With a tentative breath she added, "You're welcome to visit again whenever you have the time."

Puck's heart leaped inside his chest. He wanted to shout out a loud whoop of joy. He wanted to run over and pull the petite brunette out of her chair and crush her in an embrace that he'd never release. He wanted to spin her in his arms until she laughed and her eyes sparkled with happiness the way they had before everything had gone so terribly wrong. He wanted to kiss her until she lost her breath. Instead he said with a soft smile, "Thank you Rachel. I'll definitely be taking you up on that." There was a slight skip to his step as he walked out the door.


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: Still don't own Glee. Sadness.**

**A/N: I feel badly that I haven't been updating regularly, but I love that so many of you are enjoying this story. I hope you continue to like where it goes, although I have to warn you that I like to blend my "happy stuff" with angst, so it won't be all sunshine and roses. You're all pretty intelligent though, so I'm guessing you already figured that out by now. ;) Thanks for the alerts, favorite, and reviews and I hope you enjoy this chapter.**

**CHAPTER TEN**

Days slowly drifted by in a steady routine of doctors and nurses, of tests and speculations. Marcus and Rachel tried to remain optimistic, insisting to themselves and others that Daniel would wake up, that he would be fine. After all, he was breathing on his own. His initial wounds from the accident and the ensuing surgery were healing well. He wasn't brain dead. The tests the doctors had performed had confirmed that and the swelling around his brain had finally returned to normal. He simply hadn't woken up. Nearly three weeks had passed since the accident and he still hadn't woken up.

After that first lunch Puck had become a part of the routine. Every day he brought them lunch and dinner. Only now he brought some for himself and the three of them would eat together and talk and laugh. Rachel hated to admit it, but it was actually the two hours, sometimes more, of the day that she looked forward to the most. They hadn't really discussed any of their deeper issues, but through the many conversations they had slowly been able to piece together portions of each others lives. There were subjects that were strictly avoided. Puck never mentioned Quinn and Rachel never mentioned Craig. She didn't want to have to outright lie about that relationship. They had once again become comfortable with each other and for right now that was all Rachel really wanted. That was all she could handle.

They had all laughed about the non-issue of her karaoke performance. It turned out the studio didn't care. They actually liked the free publicity since every time Rachel's name was mentioned anywhere it was always followed with "who will be starring in the upcoming feature film _Lay Over_ scheduled to be released June 8". Max had apologized for becoming overly excited and even though her father and Puck still had their reservations they kept them to themselves. Even so, Rachel still felt anxious. She knew that very soon she would have to make a decision about what she was going to do if her father didn't wake up and she had to go do press for the movie. However, she tried to keep her worries from showing. She was trying to keep all of her worries from showing.

Her constant optimism and determination that her father would soon wake up and everything would return to normal was, she believed, an Oscar worthy performance. Doctors, nurses, her dad, and Puck all believed what she wanted them to believe; that she could make her daddy wake up by shear force of will. Today she had walked Puck out to his car after lunch with the excuse that she wanted to stretch her legs when really she had just needed to get out of the room for a moment. It had suddenly felt oppressive and suffocating. There had been a pressure in her chest and she couldn't breathe. Getting away from the sight of her father lying prone in that bed with tubes feeding him and monitoring him had given her the temporary relief she had needed in order to return and be her normal bright self with her dad.

Only when she'd returned to the room and had quietly opened the door she'd been stopped by the quiet sobs she heard escaping from her father's throat as he held his husband's hand and begged him to wake up. She had just as quietly retreated and closed the door without notice. The feeling she had lost in those few minutes of walking with Puck had returned with such force that she nearly fled down the hospital hallway. She had burst through the main doors and continued blindly down the sidewalk at an almost flat out run until she found herself at the same park she'd visited over two weeks ago.

She collapsed on a bench as she tried to regain control of her breathing, but it was as if her lungs refused to remember how to breathe as she tried to take in air in large gulps. Her body shook and tears streamed down her face unchecked. From what seemed like a great distance she heard a voice saying her name, but it felt far away and she didn't pay attention. "Rachel," she heard the voice say again, closer now, and she looked up through her tears to see a blurry blonde figure standing in front of her.

Quinn looked desperately around the park to see if there was anyone else that may be able to render assistance to the broken girl in front of her. She didn't think Rachel would want assistance from her, but with a soft sigh she sat beside her on the bench and tentatively rested her hand on the small girl's back. "Rachel," Quinn said softly as she began soft circular motions with her hand, "I need you to take a deep breath. Listen to my voice and concentrate on the act of breathing. Breathe in." Quinn was careful to keep her voice methodical and when she felt Rachel's lungs expand under her hand she said, "That's good. Now let it out. Good and breathe in." The young blonde sat beside the hyperventilating brunette, coaching her through breathing exercises until Rachel was finally able to feel partially normal again. When Quinn heard Rachel's breathing finally return to a natural rhythm and felt her muscles tense under her still circling hand she gently removed herself from the contact, but remained sitting beside the woman until she was certain she would be okay.

"Is it your dad, Rachel? Did something happen?" Quinn asked quietly, tentatively. "Should I call someone for you?"

Rachel shook her head and leaned back against the bench as she took a shuddering breath and wiped the tears from her face. "Daddy's going to be fine," Rachel answered with the same determination she'd used with anyone else who had asked about his condition. "I'm fine," Rachel insisted as she glanced quickly at the blonde woman sitting beside her. They hadn't seen each other since their confrontation in the cafeteria and Rachel felt ill at ease, but she was also surprised that Quinn would have stopped to help her and that the blonde had been so gentle and caring with her. "Thank you for your assistance," she whispered quietly and then reiterated, "but I'm fine now."

Quinn moved as if she were going to rise from the bench, but then she hesitated and looked at Rachel. "I know I'm probably the last person you want to be around, but I'm meeting someone here and if you'd like someone to talk to I can be a good listener." Quinn was apprehensive and Rachel could feel it. She was certain the blonde was waiting for her to attack her in some way, which would have been completely deserved. Except that Rachel felt suddenly exhausted. She didn't even have the emotional energy to be angry with Quinn.

She shook her head again. "I don't want to talk," Rachel said quietly and when Quinn nodded her head and began to rise she added, "but it's a public park and if you're waiting for someone there's no reason why you can't wait for them here."

Quinn looked at Rachel for a moment before she decided to sit back down. There were other free benches she could have occupied. She could have gone and sat on one of the swings if she wanted to, but something about the way Rachel had made the offer for her to stay made her feel as though she should. She sensed that the brunette actually needed the comfort of someone nearby and even though she didn't want it to be Quinn, she would settle for what was available.

After a few moments of uncomfortable silence in which each of the women studied the other through furtive glances and peripheral vision Rachel finally spoke up. "So are you on a break?" she asked as she motioned toward the soft pink scrubs the blonde was wearing.

Quinn startled a little at Rachel's sudden question and then quickly hid the smile that threatened when she realized of course Rachel Berry would be incapable of sitting more than ten minutes without speaking. "Um, no. I just finished my shift."

"Oh," Rachel answered as once again silence reigned between them. "So who are you waiting for?"

Quinn turned toward her and raised an inquisitive eyebrow.

"I'm just trying to be civil," Rachel said defensively.

Quinn cleared her throat and stated, "My son."

"You have a son?" Rachel asked in shock as she felt the air once again leave her lungs.

Quinn nodded her head and bit her lip nervously. "I'm fortunate that he has grandparents nearby that are willing to watch him while I work. Childcare is extremely expensive. Today they're bringing him here so he can play a little before we head home."

Rachel was silent for a moment. When she finally spoke again her voice was shaking with unspoken fear. "How old is he?" she choked out. She watched as Quinn's jaw clenched and she turned her golden hazel eyes on the brunette.

"He's four," she answered and then hurriedly added, "I know what you're thinking Rachel and it's not true. Sam is his father. I was already pregnant when..." and she let the last part trail off, unable to speak the words.

"And I'm just supposed to believe you," Rachel choked out angrily past tears that threatened to spill once more. A cry of "Mommy!" caused both women to turn quickly toward the voice of a little blonde boy running toward them.

Quinn rose from her seat and walked toward him, wanting to put distance between her son and Rachel's anger. But Sammy was too fast and had already reached his mother before she could step two feet. She lifted him into her arms and hugged him close, dipping her nose into his soft blonde curls as she breathed in the scent of him that she loved so much.

Rachel watched the exchange and she felt her heart clench tightly. It didn't take much to do the math. She wished she knew exactly what month he'd been born, but it must have been close if Quinn had been quick to insist that he was Sam's son and not Puck's. But if he were Puck's son then wouldn't he have mentioned it at some point over the last few days? Wouldn't he have said something? _Oh, by the way Rachel, you know how I cheated on you with Quinn? Well it turns out that history has repeated itself and I once again knocked her up only this time we kept the baby and we're raising him together._ No. He wouldn't have said anything, she realized, because he'd been very careful to never mention Quinn's name in her presence or to bring the blonde up at all. Rachel pulled herself out of her thoughts as she finally really looked at the boy and realized she recognized him and that he was currently talking about her.

"She's the one that was crying," Sammy was explaining to his mother. "Remember I thought she was lost and then Ben told on me and I got in trouble." Quinn turned questioning eyes toward Rachel.

"Yes," Rachel spoke up as Quinn set Sammy back down on the ground. "We met a few weeks ago. He was very helpful and concerned for my well being. Although we haven't been formally introduced," she smiled as she forced herself to stick out her hand toward the young boy standing in front of her. "My name is Rachel."

The young boy took her hand in his own, his face serious as he said, "I'm Sammy."

"I'm sorry if you got in trouble for talking to me Sammy, but it's very nice to know you. I used to go to school with your mom." Rachel tried not to think about the soft warmth of the tiny hand pressed into her own and the possibility that she was currently holding onto yet another child Puck had fathered with someone other than her.

"Sammy," Quinn said quickly, "we only have thirty minutes before we need to go home so if you want to play you better get to it."

"It was nice to meet you Rachel," the boy said before he flashed her a huge smile and took off at a dead run for the slide. Rachel sat in shock, staring after the boy as he climbed the ladder.

Quinn slowly sat back down as she kept her eyes on her son. "I know you have no reason to believe me Rachel, but I swear he's Sam's," she finally said quietly into the silence.

"I know," Rachel answered her. "He has Sam's smile. I thought he looked familiar a couple weeks ago when he came up to me here, but without a point of reference I couldn't place him. But he's Sam, isn't he?"

Quinn nodded slowly, grateful that Rachel was able to see the resemblance. Her heart stopped with Rachel's next question.

"Did you know the night you went to Puck's? Did you know that you were pregnant?"

"No," Quinn replied, the pain evident in her voice. "If I had known there's no way I would have even been at Puck's that night."

"So you went there with the intent of sleeping with him. Knowing how much I loved him. Knowing it would break us all apart, you went anyway," Rachel accused.

"No," Quinn insisted, "that's not what happened. That was never my intention." Quinn took a deep breath. She would have liked to make eye contact with the brunette, to read her reaction and make certain that Rachel believed what she was telling her. But she refused to remove her eyes from the movements of her son on the playground. She knew all too well how a single moment of carelessness could cost you everything.

"I loved Sam in a way that I never thought I was capable of. All of my previous relationships had been about getting what I wanted. Getting what I could from them, whether that was status or respect or some feeling of worth." Quinn paused and her eyes took on a gentleness as she thought of her former fiance. "Sam was kind and gentle. He truly cared about other people and the fact that he loved me just completely boggled my mind. I mean _me. Quinn Fabray_. How could someone so wonderful love someone who was such a bitch? Who treated others as if they were the scum on the bottom of her shoes? I never could understand it, but he did. And his love made me want to be better. I wanted to deserve him."

Rachel saw a tear streak down Quinn's face as she spoke softly to her even as her eyes never left the small blonde currently pumping his legs hard to make the swing go higher. "When Sam died," Quinn continued, her voice growing husky with emotion, "I can't even describe the pain. It was a physical ache. I thought that once I accepted that he was gone it would go away. Be replaced by numbness perhaps so that I could cope. I felt as though I were drowning. I could hardly move through my life my body felt so heavy, like an anchor weighing me down. The only thing that kept me floating were the little things I had left to remind me of Sam. The smell of him on his clothing. His shaving kit in the bathroom. That night I realized these were just things. They weren't Sam. They weren't things he loved or people he loved. And that made me think of Puck. All of the sudden I had to see him. It was like I was sinking in this sea of grief and Puck was the life raft." For a split second she chanced a glance at Rachel before turning her attention back to her playing son. "What a drowning person often doesn't realize is that sometimes the person they think can save them is drowning themselves. When I said that if I'd known I was pregnant I wouldn't have gone to Puck, what I meant was that if I'd known I wouldn't have needed to. Knowing that I was carrying Sam's child, that he had left me with part of him to keep forever was enough to keep me afloat until I could find the strength to move again."

Both women remained silent on the bench as the sound of passing cars, twittering birds, and a four-year old's laughter drifted around them. Rachel could understand how Quinn had been feeling after losing Sam. She couldn't say she'd ever felt that kind of grief, but she could understand the suffocating weight, the feeling that there was no end in sight. She had loved Sam too. He had been a wonderful friend to both her and Puck and she had grieved for his loss. She could even understand Quinn's reasoning in turning to Puck. He was like a brother, like family. But Rachel couldn't let go of the pain their actions had caused, not yet, perhaps not ever.

"I assume Puck is involved in Sammy's life?" Rachel finally asked, unable to hide the hurt in her voice.

"He's a wonderful uncle to Sammy," Quinn answered. She curled her lips against her teeth. "They love each other very much."

"I always knew he'd be a good dad," Rachel said so softly it was almost to herself.

Quinn considered correcting Rachel to explain that she and Puck weren't together and that Sammy didn't view Puck as a father, but she remained silent, letting the comment pass between them as if she hadn't heard it. "I've come to believe that we all make decisions every day that not only effect us, but can and do effect the people around us whether we're aware of it or not. Sometimes they turn out to be extremely bad choices that wreck lives. Someone makes a choice to drink and then get behind the wheel and that choice ripples out to effect people they have never met in their entire lives. But in the same way we make those decision we can also decide to forgive. We can make a conscious decision to move forward, to either accept that person back into our lives or cut them out. But whichever choice we make, for good or for bad, it's still a choice. Forgiveness doesn't just happen. Moving forward doesn't just happen. It takes an active decision on our part to make it happen."

"I don't expect you to ever forgive me Rachel and I'm not asking for you to. I regret so much the choice I made that night and if saying I'm sorry could change the past I would say it every day until I died. But nothing can change what's already been done and I've said I'm sorry. Whatever decision you make to make your life either better or worse, that's up to you now." Quinn turned toward Rachel with tears shimmering in her eyes and said, "I am so sorry."

"Mommy watch this!" Sammy yelled as he hurdled over a small plastic tube as though it were a great mountain.

"That's amazing baby!" Quinn yelled back at him with a laugh. Slowly she rose from her seat beside Rachel, feeling that their conversation was over and she would probably never hear from the brunette again. When she was less than five feet away and walking toward her son Rachel's voice pulled her attention back to her.

"Quinn," Rachel called out. When Quinn met her eyes she said, "I was just wondering, did it save you? That night, did being with Puck help either of you to stay afloat?"

Quinn looked down at the grass as she thought about everything that had happened after that night and then she looked up with pain and tears in her eyes. "No, Rachel. Sammy saved me. But that night just dragged Puck down faster." Then she turned and grabbing her son's hand, she left the park.

(*************************)

_Quinn rolled her head against the sheets as she slowly left sleep behind. "Sam," she whispered as she stretched her hand across the bed. When she felt nothing beside her but empty space the memories of the last weeks crashed down on her and the tears she thought would have been dried up by now started rolling down her cheeks once again. Suddenly she remembered where she was and what had happened the night before and she thought she would be sick. Quickly scanning the room she could see that Puck wasn't there so she grabbed her clothes off the floor and made her way to the bathroom._

_She quickly dressed and ran a brush through her hair as her mind raced with thoughts. _How could you do this to Sam? To Rachel? Oh God, what have I done?_ She looked in the mirror at her reflection and felt disgust well up within her. Before she knew what was happening she was throwing up in the sink. Turning the water on she rinsed out her mouth and splashed her face. She was so disappointed in herself. She'd never meant to sleep with Puck. She had no feelings for him beyond the friendship they had managed to form based upon their mutual love of Sam._

"_Sam," she cried softly, but it echoed against the bathroom walls and seemed to taunt her. Choking back the sobs she felt welling up within her she realized she needed to get out of here before she completely fell apart. Yanking the bathroom door open she hurried down the hallway and had almost made it to the front door when she heard a sound that startled her._

_She had assumed that Puck had left. That he had woken up with the same regrets she felt and had decided the best thing to do was to be gone when she woke up so that they wouldn't have to face each other. She'd been wrong. He was sitting in the same chair he'd occupied last night only now he only wore a pair of boxers and he held a glass filled with dark liquid in his hand. He raised it and took a slow drink as he stared at her over the glass, his eyes dark and glazed. She glanced toward the clock and realized it wasn't even nine o'clock in the morning yet._

"_Puck," she whispered, "what are you doing?"_

_He half smiled, half leered at her before he answered. "I could ask you the same thing, but I already know the answer. I'm drinking my breakfast Quinn. My version of corn flakes." He paused as he studied the liquid in the glass as if it would give him all the answers he needed. "Well it's from corn anyway."_

"_What happened last night," Quinn started to say, but Puck interrupted her._

"_What happened last night was inevitable. You see Quinn, I'm a screw up and you're a bitch. It was them that made us better. And without them, we just have to be who we've always been."_

_Quinn winced at his words. "You don't have to lose Rachel over this Puck," she finally whispered. "She would never have to know." Puck's sharp laughter made her jump._

"_She already knows. I imagine she was worried about me because I've been an ass and didn't call her for the last week. So she came all the way from New York and let herself into my apartment because I'm an awesome and trustworthy boyfriend and I love her, so really what would she have to worry about." He laughed again and then with a gulp of liquid that was almost too much for his mouth to hold he finished what was in his glass and began pouring more._

_Quinn felt sick again. Rachel knew. She had seen them. Had she been so drunk that she had slept through the screaming, hurt tirade she was sure Rachel had unleashed? "I'm so sorry Puck. I didn't even hear anything. What did she say?"_

"_Nothing," Puck whispered against the ridge of his glass. He looked at Quinn and she could see the pain in his eyes. "That's how I know it's over. Rachel Berry doesn't say nothing. She screams and yells. She plots and plans. She makes lists and puts together presentations on why you should see things her way. She doesn't say nothing. Unless there's nothing to say," he finished as he took another drink._

"_Did you call her? You should call her. Explain things. Tell her we were drunk and that it meant nothing. Tell her it was my fault. Tell her I seduced you, just do something Puck," she pleaded. She couldn't stand the knowledge that her actions had taken away one of the best things in Puck's life._

"_I'm not going to call her," Puck responded angrily. "I'm not going to explain things to her. I'm going to let her go. I'm going to give her the best damn gift I've ever given her. Freedom. Freedom from a loser who can't get out of Lima, Ohio. Freedom from a screw up that would just drag her down."_

"_You need to stop drinking," Quinn replied, her own anger rising up at his inebriated conclusions that didn't take Rachel's heart into account. "You're drunk and making poor decisions. Don't let her go Noah."_

"_Don't call me that!" Puck suddenly screamed at her as he threw the glass across the room._

_Quinn flinched as it shattered two feet away from her, spraying tiny shards of glass and dripping brown liquid down the wall. "I'm sorry," she whispered as tears sprung to her eyes and began flowing down her face. "I'm so sorry Puck." She looked at the broken man sitting across the room from her. His chest heaved with frustration. His eyes were dark and moist. The muscles in his jaw clenched tightly as he seemed to resign himself to his current situation._

"_Not as sorry as I am," he murmured as he picked up the bottle and took another long pull. With eyes full of regret he looked at the blonde shaking in the doorway. "Just go, Quinn. Get out of here before I destroy you too."_

_With unsteady feet and a heavy heart Quinn opened the door and walked into the midday sun._


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: I apologize profusely for the delay in this update. I had some serious writer's block to work through. I hope you guys like this chapter. There's probably only about three or so more chapters left to this story. Thank you to everyone who has been reading this and everyone that's reviewed and favorited and all that...you're all awesome.**

**Disclaimer: I know this is a huge surprise, but I don't own Glee. Never have, unfortunately never will. Sadness.**

**CHAPTER ELEVEN**

With relief Puck let out the breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding as he pulled up next to the rental car. He'd been searching for Rachel all afternoon; ever since Marcus had called and asked him if Rachel had mentioned going anywhere because she hadn't been back to the room since walking Puck to his vehicle. Puck had been mildly concerned because he had watched Rachel walk back into the hospital before he'd pulled out of the parking lot, but he didn't want to worry Marcus further by telling him this, so he simply offered to swing by the house and see if she was there. After making sure she wasn't at the Berry residence and his phone calls and text messages continued to go unanswered his mild concern escalated to stomach roiling worry. When he received a phone call from Quinn saying she was concerned about Rachel and related to him briefly what had happened at the park it quickly turned into heart thumping panic.

He'd been everywhere he could think that she might have gone. He'd checked her house twice just in case she'd arrived there after he'd already checked it the first time. He went to McKinley and nonchalantly asked Will Schuester if the former glee club captain had made an appearance. He made a grid in his mind and drove up and down the main thoroughfares of Lima searching for her rental car. When he still hadn't found her he pulled over and tried calling her again. Still with no response. He slammed his fist against the steering wheel in frustration as he yelled to the empty cab, "Where are you?" Taking a calming breath he ran his fingers through his short dark hair and rubbed the back of his neck. _Okay Rachel. Where would you go if you were as upset as Quinn said you were?_ Suddenly the thought struck him and without second guessing himself he'd pulled back onto the street and headed quickly toward his destination.

Now he sat quietly in the cab of his truck as he looked at the empty rental car parked beside him. He was relieved to have finally found her, but he felt trepidation about the state he'd find her in and if he was really the right person to be trying to help her. He fiddled with his phone as he considered calling Marcus. Biting the inside of his lip he looked at where he was. At where she had chosen to go and with a resigned sigh he lifted the door handle and stepped out of his truck, his shoes crunching loudly on the loose gravel as he passed her car.

The lake hadn't changed much over the years. The trees were taller and the brush thicker. A few years ago the city had built a new water park which gave families without pools in their backyards a place to go during the summer heat. While the park had decreased the amount of traffic the lake received during the day, it still maintained its use as a party hangout for teenagers and college kids. Even though it was late spring it was still early in the year for anyone to be making use of the lake in the middle of the day so it was easy for him to spot the lone figure sitting at the edge of the small pier that jutted out into the water.

Puck pulled out his phone and tapped out a quick text to Marcus. **She's safe. More later.** At the first sound of his tread on the wooden planks of the pier he saw Rachel startle and glance quickly over her shoulder. When she saw it was him she turned back toward the water, her hands now furiously wiping at her face. Puck remained silent as he settled down beside her. She kept her head turned away from him but he could hear her sniffling and her hands continued to try to wipe away the evidence of her tears. Without a word he reached into his pocket and pulled out a clean white handkerchief and handed it across the short space between them. She cast a grateful look toward him as she took the offered cloth and wiped her face. She startled him a little when she gave out a sharp bark of laughter and he shot her a raised eyebrow.

"Noah Puckerman just handed me a _handkerchief,_" she laughed as she shook her head incredulously. "I must be in the _Twilight Zone_ or something."

Puck chuckled along with her, their shared laughter carrying across the water with an open echo. It died off quickly and they once again were wrapped in the quiet of nature. The soft lapping of the water against the wooden pilings; the rhythmic twittering of the myriad of birds flitting through the surrounding trees; the occasional rush of a car passing on the distant main road all seemed to be magnified by the fact that the two sitting on the pier remained absolutely silent.

Rachel cleared her throat and broke the silence. "I'm guessing Quinn called you."

Puck nodded his head in affirmation. "But your dad called me first. He was worried when you didn't return to the room after walking me out." At the worried gasp she released Puck assured her, "I already let him know I found you and you're safe. I figured you just needed some space, but when I got Quinn's phone call I really started to worry. Especially when you wouldn't answer your phone," Puck finished.

"I'm sorry I worried everyone," Rachel whispered. "I just needed some time to think. To try to sort out my mind. I left my phone in the car," she concluded as an explanation for why she hadn't responded to anyone. She turned to look at him and Puck met her gaze. Her eyes were bloodshot and slightly puffy from crying and still she took his breath away. Every muscle in his body was yearning to pull her into his arms and hold her. To tell her that everything would be okay. That he would move heaven and earth to make everything okay for her. He pushed the feeling away, knowing that the woman beside him wouldn't be receptive to his desire. "How did you find me?" she asked quietly as she gave him a puzzled look.

"It took me a while," he responded honestly. "we haven't spent any time together in the last five years so I honestly didn't think I'd know where you'd go, especially after Quinn said you were so upset. I was getting a little frantic when I still couldn't find you, but then I asked myself where would _my_ Rachel go and this was the first place that came to mind." He looked at her with concerned eyes and so many unspoken feelings. "So I gave it a shot," he finished with a husky whisper.

Rachel nodded slowly as she took in all that he had said. Puck half expected her to make some comment about not being _his _Rachel, but she didn't. Instead she let out a shaky breath and said, "So, Sammy seems like a really great kid." Puck nodded as he stared down at the wooden planks, his fingers idly picking at small imperfections in the wood.

"Yeah, he is," he finally replied, his voice thick with emotion. "He's not mine Rachel," he quickly added.

"I know." Her voice was soft but firm as she spoke. She turned to him and gave him a soft smile. "I have to admit when I first saw him with Quinn and she told me how old he was I thought he was yours. I thought how unfair that she gets to have two of your children without ever loving you and I didn't get any even after I gave you my heart." Puck's heart skipped and quickened in his chest at her words. He opened his mouth to speak, but couldn't find the words before she was speaking again.

"Then he smiled and I knew he was Sam's child, not yours. It's good, though, that you're in his life. I bet he loves to hear stories about his dad and who better to tell them than his best friend."

"Yeah, he does love to hear stories about Sam," Puck answered. He let a beat pass between them before he asked, "Is that why you're out here? Because of finding out about Sammy?"

Rachel sighed as she stretched her legs out in front of her and let them dangle over the edge, her sandal clad feet barely staying out of reach of the water. "I'm out here for a lot of reasons." Slowly she placed her hands slightly behind her as she leaned back, elongating her back and neck as she continued to stretch her muscles. She stayed in that position, her hair falling like a waterfall behind her as she looked up at the sky above the tree line. "I wish you had told me."

Puck couldn't keep himself from watching her, from letting his eyes travel the length of her still well-toned body as she reclined in front of him. "I'm sorry. I wish I had told you, too. Honestly, I just didn't know how to bring it up and I wasn't sure you'd even want to know."

She nodded absently as if she'd already come to this conclusion. "I assumed as much." In one fluid motion she pushed herself back up and pulled her feet back from the brink of the lake, curling them underneath her Indian-style. "I did go back to the room," she all but whispered. Puck frowned as he tried to keep up with her train of thought and then he remembered that Marcus had said Rachel never returned.

"He was crying." Her voice was soft and full of a kind of pain he'd never heard from her. He wanted to reach across the small distance and take her hand, but he was afraid it would pull her out of the moment and she'd stop talking. He knew she needed to be able to talk about whatever was going through her mind so he once again forced himself to remain still. "Dad, I mean," she continued softly, "he was crying. I closed the door and left without him noticing me. I don't think I've ever seen my dad cry. Daddy was always the emotional one. I'm like him in that way, very dramatic you know." Rachel gave him a sad smile and a knowing wink and Puck returned her smile. He knew.

"I'm scared Noah."

Puck quickly tamped down the elation he felt at the sound of his given name falling from her lips for the first time after so many years. He cleared his throat gently and asked, "What are you scared of Rachel?"

He watched as a couple tears slowly leaked from the corner of her eye and she quickly brushed them away. "I'm scared that Daddy will never wake up. I'm scared that if he does wake up he won't be the same. I'm scared of the toll either situation will take on Dad. I'm scared that I'm too selfish to help him. That he'll forgo dealing with his pain and loss in an attempt to help me, to be strong for me. And that I'll let him. I'm terrified that I'm not strong enough." With her last confession a strangled cry broke from her lips and her shoulders shook with the weight of the grief she'd been trying to hold in.

Without another thought Puck bridged the distance between them and pulled her tightly into his arms. She collapsed against him, her face buried against his chest, her body shaking as he adjusted his arms to try to pull her closer. His hands rubbed soothing circles across her back as he lowered his head next to hers. Her dark brown hair tickled his cheek and nose as he made hushing noises in her ear. Eventually her crying quieted to a few hiccups, but he continued to hold her close to him. His hands gliding over her back as if they too remembered how good it felt to hold the tiny girl again.

"I'm sorry," she mumbled as she slowly pulled away and wiped her face again with the handkerchief she still clutched in her hand.

"Don't apologize Rachel," he said kindly. "You have every right to be scared. The whole thing is scary. I'm sure your dad is scared too. And you're right, he's probably trying to stay strong for you and that's why he chose to have his little break down while you were out of the room. But you're not being selfish Rach. Just because you need some time to deal with everything doesn't make you selfish. Leaning on your dad or," he paused, "on me. It's not selfish to need other people to support you, especially through difficult times. And you are strong enough. Rachel, you're one of the strongest people I know. But being strong doesn't mean that you don't need people. So I'm here, when you need me."

"Where did you come from?" Rachel shook her head slowly back and forth as if she were trying to clear away an old image that just didn't make sense.

Puck smiled at her. "What do you mean?"

"You're different than what I remember." Her voice was soft, wistful as she spoke. "You own two businesses. You're someone other people rely on. You're kind and caring."

"It's always been easy to care about you," he answered before he could censor himself.

Rachel shook her head softly as she struggled with the well of emotions threatening to spill over. "You're a good man Noah," she whispered.

"When did that happen, right?" Puck chuckled self-deprecatingly. She rewarded him with a soft smile and it helped break the tension building between them. "It didn't happen overnight," he answered his own question. He gruffly rubbed his hand across the back of his head in a nervous habit that made Rachel's lips twitch with a barely contained smile at the familiarity of it. He swallowed thickly and focused his gaze on the dark water rippling methodically around them. His voice was thick when he spoke again.

"After Sam, and," he paused and cast her a quick glance, "and you, I kind of got lost. To say I was self-destructive would be putting it mildly. There are whole chunks of time I still don't remember. I lost my job and spent the first summer passed out or on my way to being passed out. When school started back up what few classes I attended I was wasted for so I really didn't care when they kicked me out. My mom tried to help me," he smiled ruefully, "even Mr. Schue tried to help me." Puck turned his attention to the brunette sitting beside him as she quietly listened to his recounting of a very dark time in his life. Her eyes brimmed with tears and she was biting on her lip, but she didn't look repulsed by him. Mostly she looked sad and that hurt just as much.

"I think Quinn was trying to help me when she told me she was pregnant," he continued softly, unsure how this portion of his tale would effect Rachel, but she didn't seem any more upset by the mention of the blonde than she was by anything he'd already said. "We weren't sure at that point if he was mine or not and I think she was hoping that either way, having someone else to worry about would push me to clean up my act." Puck took a deep breath as he plowed ahead. He hadn't planned on telling Rachel all of this when he'd first sat down beside her, but somehow the conversation had led here and he figured he might as well get it out there while he could. Just rip the band-aid off.

"It kind of backfired, though. It brought back all of these old feelings from high school about Abby and giving her up. Only this time you weren't there to keep me sane. I got in fights, spent a few nights in jail, just pretty much anything I could do to prove to myself that I was as worthless and messed up as I already thought I was."

"Oh, Noah," Rachel whispered. Slowly she reached her hand out and gently placed it on his hand that had been resting on his knee. Puck looked down at her small hand covering his and felt the warmth of her spread up his arm. Cautiously he turned his hand and when she didn't remove her's from him he laced their fingers together and closed down gently on the flesh of her hand, taking comfort in how well she still fit him.

"After Sammy, well Quinn needed help, whether he was mine or not I owed it to Sam. She was finishing up nursing school and was a single mom with a newborn and I told myself that I needed to stop drinking." Puck shook his head and bit the inside of his cheek as he remembered the first time he'd tried to stop drinking. He let out a painful chuckle. "It turned out it doesn't work that way. I told myself I didn't have a problem. I made deals with myself that I'd only have a certain number of drinks if I was watching Sammy or that I'd stop at a specific time of day. Then I convinced myself that I was fine going through my day with a buzz because it wasn't like I was fully drunk. I could walk and talk and no one would know the difference between me fully sober and slightly drunk."

Puck took a deep breath and stared at the watery depths without really seeing it. It felt as if he was back there in those years where every movement was clouded by alcohol, every emotion was dulled with a false sense of warmth. _This_ was hard. _This_ was painful. Telling Rachel about the years he spent without her, even in broad strokes, was one of the scariest things he'd ever done. They'd reached some sort of tentative friendship, a place where he could see looks from her that weren't riddled with the pain he'd put in her eyes. He didn't want to destroy that with the truth of who he'd become after losing her, but he knew she needed the truth. He just wasn't sure how much he was ready to tell her. He felt her squeeze his hand and realized that he'd stopped speaking. Pulling his eyes back to look into her soft brown eyes he didn't see judgment or hatred. There was pain, there was no doubt about that. And sadness. But there was understanding too and he gave her a soft smile and continued.

"I was able to pull that off for almost two years. Eighteen months. That's how old Sammy was when I hit rock bottom. Everyone has their turning point. The moment when they realize that if they don't do something they're going to lose everything, including their own life. So, I had mine and I started going to AA meetings. At first I didn't talk, but then one night I got up and told my story. All of it. Afterward, your dad came up to me. I didn't even know he was there. He offered to be my sponsor."

Rachel let out a small gasp. "So that's how you two became friendly."

"He didn't tell you?"

Rachel shook her head and smiled. "Dad takes that very seriously. I asked him how it was that you two were so friendly, but he was deliberately vague. He said if I wanted details then I would have to get them from you."

Puck smiled. "He's a good man. A good friend."

"Yes," Rachel agreed. "Yes, he is." They were quiet for a moment before Rachel asked, "What was your turning point? What finally happened to make you get the help you needed?"

Puck sighed deeply and clenched his jaw tightly. Tears welled up, unbidden, in his eyes and he blinked to push them back. "I want to be honest with you Rachel. I really do. But is there any way we can save that for another day? I'm really enjoying you calling me Noah again and that you're willing to hold my hand, even as just friends. You need me as a friend right now, and I kind of need that too. I don't want to lose it just yet."

He watched her struggle with her own curiosity as she tried to let the subject go. "You think that telling me will make me suddenly hate you that much? As if I don't already have my own reasons for being wary of being around you?"

"Just a few weeks ago when you would look at me all I could see in your eyes was the evidence of my betrayal. The pain and anger you felt toward me. How much I hurt you. And I deserved that. I still do. Lately, though, I've caught glimpses of something else. Something really close to the way you used to look at me. Something really close to," Puck paused as he searched for the right word, "affection." He watched as she looked everywhere but at him. She was swallowing hard and the muscles in her throat were jumping with the effort. "Maybe I'm wrong," he whispered.

Rachel's head snapped quickly to him and he could see the conflict in her eyes as she shook her head slowly and breathed, "You're not wrong."

Puck's heart swelled within him at her admission. He hadn't been making it up. "So maybe," he said slowly, "maybe I don't want that look to go away."

Rachel pursed her lips together as she thought about what he was saying. She squeezed his hand softly as if to let him know everything was okay before she slowly released his hand. The two sat in comfortable silence as the sun began to dip beyond the line of trees, settling a soft dusk around them. Each of them lost in thoughts and regrets of the past. Once again, to neither one's surprise, Rachel was the first to speak.

"Quinn said something to me today that I've been thinking about."

Puck raised his eyebrow at her and mentally prepared himself for whatever was about to come. Any time Rachel mentioned Quinn he felt himself go on the defensive. He couldn't help it. He didn't want to upset Rachel and he knew that it was his fault everything was so difficult, but Quinn was his friend now and because of Sammy and his loyalty to Sam he'd never be free of her. For that reason alone he knew he'd never get Rachel back in his life the way he wanted her to be. "What was that?" he asked to prompt her and let her know she had his attention.

"She said forgiveness doesn't just happen. It's a choice we make. I've been thinking about that. I think she's right." Rachel sent him a joking grimace. "As much as I hate to admit that." Puck laughed softly. Her voice was shaky when she spoke again. "I never asked you why...or how it happened. I just ran."

"I let you run," he husked painfully.

"I'd never felt so much pain. It was actually a physical ache I hurt so badly. I kept hoping you'd call and tell me I'd misunderstood. But you didn't and eventually I decided to put it behind me. To move on." Rachel chewed softly on her bottom lip as she prepared herself to share her pain with the man who had caused so much of it. "I honestly thought that I had been successful until I saw you in the hospital that first time. It just all rushed back. This gut-wrenching pain and blinding anger that I had no idea where to put or how to deal with. It felt as if it had all just happened and five years hadn't passed. I realized that I hadn't really put anything behind me. I'd just ignored it and ran. The thing is, when I started actually dealing with the pain and the hurt, it didn't feel so fresh anymore. And then with you hanging around and having the opportunity to get to know you again, it just kind of fell away." Puck looked surprised by her confession until she added, "I'm not saying it's all gone."

"It still hurts sometimes to look at you and seeing Quinn is just," she pushed out a shaky breath and ran her fingers through her hair as she shook her head, "freaking painful. But when it doesn't hurt. When I forget for a moment what it was like to see you with her. When I let myself forget what the last five years have been like without you, I feel, I don't know." Puck waited with bated breath as Rachel searched for the words to express herself. "I guess, when I'm not remembering the pain I remember what we were like together and it feels good. Because we were good, you know, before. Weren't we?"

"We were great," Puck choked out.

She smiled wistfully at him, her eyes brimming with tears as she pushed out a slow breath. "So I'm going to try. I'm tired of hanging on to everything Noah. The anger and the pain that I've fed off of the last few years hasn't done me any good. Sometimes I barely recognize myself anymore." She nodded her head as she bit her lower lip and gave him a determined half smile. "I've decided that I'm going to try to forgive you for breaking my heart the way you did."

He started to speak but she raised her hand to stop him. "Don't tell me that I don't have to do that or that you don't deserve my forgiveness. Whether I forgive you or not is my choice, not yours and I'm choosing to give it a shot and I don't want to hear any arguments out of you." The way she said it made Puck feel like they were sixteen again. He studied her face for a moment as he tried to blend the adult woman before him with the teenage girl he'd fallen in love with. Something had changed between them and he couldn't quite place what it was yet, but he saw the determined set of her jaw and the spark in her brown eyes that had been missing as of late and he decided to just accept what she was offering without further digging. They were raw enough with what they'd already discussed.

He nodded his head as a large smile began to spread across his face. "On one condition," he said. She quirked her eyebrow at him and then set her shoulders and waggled her hand in front of her face as if she were tapping a fake cigar.

"You think you can negotiate with me," she said in a perfect mafioso impression.

Puck didn't miss a beat as he grinned at her and lowered his voice to mumble, "I'm gonna make you an offer you can't refuse, doll." He forced his face to go serious and said, "I won't argue with you about whether or not I deserve your forgiveness, but you have to lean on me Rachel. You may want to be strong for your dad, but you don't have to be strong for me. Let me help you. Let me be the person you go to when you need help, whether it's dealing with whatever happens with Daniel or anything else you need. Don't run again. Promise you'll come to me."

Rachel let the smile drop from her face as she carefully considered what Puck was offering. "Okay," she finally whispered. She couldn't help returning Puck's huge grin. When she shivered a little Puck suddenly realized the sun had almost finished setting and the surrounding area was falling quickly into darkness. "You ready to head back?" he asked. As she began to rise from her seated position Puck quickly jumped up and grabbed her hand to pull her up. He smiled in the gathering darkness when she didn't release his hand as they made their way back to their respective vehicles. After such an emotionally charged afternoon Puck couldn't keep himself from trying to lighten the mood. "What are the chances I could get you to try skinny dipping again?" Even as he said it he wasn't sure what to expect from the tiny brunette walking beside him. If she'd be offended or angry or take the comment the way it was intended. He was rewarded with one of the first truly genuine laughs he'd heard from her in a very long time as she punched his arm playfully and said, "Not a chance Puckerman!" Their laughter carried easily over the calm waters of the lake, rippling over the dark water and disappearing into the thick surrounding brush.


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: I apologize for the extended length between updates. I have been writing, I was trying to write the final few chapters before posting the next, but I haven't quite finished it. I do however have one and a half chapters after this one already written. They just need to go through my proofreading process. Also, I got a new computer (laptop) yea! so now I can write more because I don't have to be tied to a desk. So again my sincere apologies. I hope you all like this chapter, I personally think there's some nice moments in this one.**

**Disclaimer: Once again, I don't own anything. Fox, Ryan Murphy, Brad Falchuk, and Ian Brennan do, lucky dogs.**

**CHAPTER TWELVE**

"I don't think you're hearing me. I'm telling you I can't go anywhere. I'm not leaving here until my father is doing better." Rachel tightened her jaw as she breathed deeply, trying to maintain some semblance of control as she spoke with Max for what seemed like the hundredth time about the same thing. It was worse than _Groundhog's Day_.

"I'm hearing you Rachel," she heard Max reply from thousands of miles away. "I'm hearing you tell me that you're reneging on your contract with the studio. I'm hearing you throwing your career away. A career, may I remind you, that I've worked very hard building for you the last few years."

"You've worked hard building?" Rachel fumed. "You listen to me very carefully. I've spent my entire life working toward this goal and I won't let you take credit for my hard work. You have no idea the kind of hell I've endured, the things I've sacrificed to reach this goal." She was becoming overly emotional and she knew it, but Max was being unreasonable and had really pushed one of her many buttons. She heard the click and whoosh of the door opening and turned to see Puck and her father entering the hospital room followed by the neurologist that was currently reviewing her daddy's case. "I can't talk about this right now anyway. I'm going to have to call you back." She could hear him protesting even as she disconnected the phone.

She saw Puck give her a quizzical look and she shook her head and let out the frustrated breath she'd been holding in as she ran her fingers through her hair. "Max," she gave him as the answer for her upset appearance and she knew he understood when his brow furrowed and he walked over to stand beside her, his arm coming around her back as he ran his hand quickly up and down her arm in an effort to calm her. She gave him a grateful smile. In the days that had followed their conversation at the lake they had almost seamlessly fallen into the friendship they'd had before they'd ever dated each other. Puck was almost always around now. There were moments when Rachel felt as though she couldn't take one more moment with her father still in a coma, one more phone call from Max insisting that she immediately return to L.A. The closer they got to the movie release date the more insistent her manager was becoming. But the way Puck dealt with everything, the way he just seemed to know when she was reaching her breaking point, reminded her of how he'd been there for her in high school. In the days leading up to Regionals when she felt as if her heart were broken by Finn's betrayal and she couldn't stand another moment singing and dancing beside him, suddenly Puck would be by her side. In much the same way he had then, now he never really did anything specific for her. He was just there as a presence, someone who was on her side, who was there if she needed to talk but who wouldn't force her.

Rachel let herself lean into the warmth of his body as his arm remained snaked around her. As the doctor examined her daddy and looked over the reports in his chart she let her mind wander a little as she thought about the man standing beside her. She smiled softly as she realized that a man was exactly what he was now. While they had fallen back into their old friendship, it was still different because they were now different. They were adults with years of life experience between them and somewhere in those years of trials and heartaches and joys, Puck had become the man she had always known he could become. When she would stay the night at the hospital and let her dad go home to get a good night's rest, Puck would usually stay with her until night became day.

They passed the time together by watching reruns of sitcoms on the small television hanging in the corner. Rachel would quickly become bored with that and they would find themselves in conversation, moving fluidly from casual topics to deep-seeded issues they both had. A few times he had pulled her up on the oversized window ledge with him and tucked her safely against the length of his body as she cried into his chest, unable to voice all the pain and worries that she'd spent so long burying. One morning she had woken up like that, her head resting against his chest, his arms wrapped warmly and protectively around her and she had let herself enjoy it. She had listened to the steady beating of his heart and felt the rhythmic rise and fall of his breathing and she let herself have hope that one day they could forge a new relationship. But she knew there were still so many obstacles to overcome. She couldn't bring herself to tell him the truth about Craig and even though she was working very hard at letting the past go, Quinn was still a very touchy subject.

She felt Puck gently squeeze her arm as if he knew she wasn't listening to what the doctor was saying. It was enough to pull her out of her reverie and she now focused on the physician standing beside her daddy's bed. She studied him for a moment as she tried to focus on what he was telling her dad. He looked like he was probably in his late forties, with sandy brown hair that was cut short on the sides but kept long enough on top to see that he had a slight wave. His eyes were a deep blue and she thought he looked kind, with soft laugh lines beginning to form with his age. She caught herself wondering if he had a happy family life, because she couldn't imagine a reason for laugh lines when he had such a depressing job.

"Daniel suffered a severe trauma and while his EEG and MRI scans show normal brain patterns and activity it's obvious that the trauma was just too much for him to completely recover from. He's breathing on his own, which is good. But what I think you'll want to start considering is some long-term care options."

Rachel interrupted him. "What do you mean by long-term care?"

The doctor turned his attention from her dad to her as he answered her. "There are facilities that specifically function to take care of Daniel's needs for the long-term."

"And why can't the hospital take care of his needs until he wakes up?" she asked stubbornly.

The neurologist looked at her and she could feel his pity clear across the room, as if he were thinking this poor delusional girl can't accept that her father is never going to wake up. She suddenly hated him for it and changed her mind about him looking kind. "This hospital is not run as a long-term care facility and I'm sorry, but Daniel may never wake up."

Her muscles tensed at the doctor's words and she felt Puck's hand tighten on her shoulder as he tried to anchor her. "I want another opinion," she spoke angrily.

"Rachel," her dad spoke up tiredly from the foot of Daniel's bed, "you know this is the second opinion and both doctors have come to the same conclusion."

"Then I want a third opinion or a fourth or however many it takes to hear what I want to hear," she nearly shouted. "I want a doctor to come in here and tell us that Daddy's looking well and that there's hope; that he could wake up at any time."

"He could wake up at any time," the doctor spoke up softly. Rachel shifted her eyes quickly to him. "That's not the issue Miss Berry. The issue is that this hospital is not the place for him to receive the kind of around the clock care that your father will require until he wakes up."

"If he ever wakes up," she finished for him with venom and hurt in her voice. "That's what you left off isn't it _Doctor?_ Because that's what you all say. None of you know what's wrong. None of your hundreds of tests tell you anything. You poke and prod and shove him into machines and nothing tells you a damn thing! Except that for some reason my daddy can't or won't wake up and you don't know if he ever will. Well what good are you then?"

"Rachel," Puck said softly beside her as he tried to calm her down. Rachel was about to protest when she saw the look on her dad's face. It had been almost a month and a half since the accident and he looked as if he'd aged ten years right in front of her. His eyes were tired with dark circles and for the first time she noticed that his normally clean shaven face had been replaced with almost perpetual scruff. His shoulders sagged and his movements seemed slower and less deliberate.

"I'm sorry," she whispered as she felt the tears sting her eyes. Her dad gave her a reassuring smile.

"Why don't we take a walk and let Marcus and the doctor talk for a bit?" Puck asked gently. She nodded her head in assent and let him lead her from the room, but not before stopping to wrap her arms around her dad, pulling him into a tight hug. "I'm sorry Dad," she whispered in his ear. Marcus rubbed her back reassuringly as he returned her tight embrace. He placed a kiss on her cheek as he pulled away and replied softly, "I know. I love you princess."

They were days away from the first of June and the air was warm and heavy with the scent of blooming plant life as they exited the temperature controlled comfort of Lima General. Rachel took a cleansing breath as they walked slowly down the sidewalk, automatically moving in the direction of the now much visited park. Puck strolled easily beside her, but she could sense that he wanted to talk and he was waiting for her to choose which subject to broach first. She let herself smile as she bumped her shoulder against him. "Aren't you getting tired of trying to make sure I don't revert to "Classic Rachel Berry" and affect some sort of grand tirade that terrifies the hospital staff so much I make the front page of the tabloids?"

"Ha!" he laughed out loud. "I'm flattered that you think I actually hold that kind of power. As far as I'm aware there's no one on this earth that could possibly hold back the powerhouse that is Rachel Berry."

Rachel let a soft sigh escape her lips. "I used to think that was true. Lately I haven't felt much like a powerhouse of any kind. And besides," she lowered her voice as she moved to slide her hand into Puck's grasp, "you've always had a calming effect on me."

Puck smiled at her compliment mixed in her confession and squeezed her hand slightly in his, partially to let her know he appreciated the gesture and partially to keep himself from pulling her hand up to place a soft kiss there the way he wanted to so badly.

"Max wants me in L.A.," Rachel said with a defeated sigh. "I told him I'm not leaving Ohio until Daddy wakes up, but the way the doctor's talk that means I'll never leave this town again. I've done as many phone and satellite interviews as I can, but my contract with the studio says I have to do at least one interview in person before the release date. He tried to make it sound like he was compromising when he offered to set something up in New York, but I know as soon as I give in to one thing he'll have a dozen more lined up for me to do and I'll never make it back here."

"New York isn't that far," Puck reasoned trying to find a solution for her current predicament. "You could fly there, do your interview, and be back in probably six hours or less."

"I actually thought about that," she agreed. "It still feels too far away. I know Daddy's stable and everything, but the idea of leaving him for something as trivial as work and then something happening while I'm gone and not being able to get back right away," Rachel shook her head as she let her voice trail off. "I can't take that risk."

"Your career isn't trivial and you know Daniel would understand." He wasn't trying to push her into leaving. He wanted her to stay. But he also wanted her to be able to see all the different angles, to not regret whatever decision she made.

"I know he'd understand. My dads have always been two of my biggest supporters. I just don't want to leave him." Rachel turned to him with watery eyes and he pulled her into a hug. "It feels like I'm giving up on him," she whispered against his shoulder.

"What do you mean?" Puck asked quietly against her hair.

Rachel pulled back and turned toward the swings they had just reached. She slowly lowered herself onto the one on the far left and began lazily dragging her feet along the packed earth below her as she let herself sway. Puck followed and took the swing immediately to her right. As he waited for her to begin speaking he began to spin himself in a slow circle as he gazed up at the twisting chain link suspending him from the ground. Rachel's voice pulled his attention back to her.

"I know I'm being ridiculous. I hear what the doctors say and I've done so much research over the last month trying to find something, anything really, that could give us some kind of hope that Daddy will wake up. I hear myself arguing with the doctors and nurses and I know it's pointless. I know they're doing all they can, but I just can't help myself. I feel like someone has to fight for him until he can fight for himself. And maybe a part of me thinks that the harder I fight for him, the more I insist that he will wake up at any moment, then maybe he'll hear that or feel it and he'll find the strength to come back to us." She's quiet as she continues to lightly swing, her body barely moving forward and backward. "I'm afraid that if we move him to the facility like the doctor suggests that he'll think we're giving up and then he won't fight to wake up. Or if I leave for an extended length of time maybe he'll think I don't care or that I've given up on him and then he'll give up on himself."

Puck raised his legs slightly and spun slowly as the chains above him unfurled. When he was once again straight on the swing he rose and walked behind Rachel, grasping her hands where they held tightly to the chains. He pulled her toward him and leaned down so that his lips barely brushed against her soft brown hair as he said against her ear, "I could tell you that you're crazy to be thinking that way, but we both know it would do no good because I've been telling you you're crazy for years."

He smiled when he heard the soft chuckle escape her lips and then he released his hold on the chains to let her swing forward. He continued to push her slowly on the swing until she started pumping her own legs to go higher. When it became dangerous to stand behind her anymore he moved to the side and watched her as she let the methodical motion transport her back to the simplicity of childhood. After a few moments she slowed herself until she came to a complete stop. Her cheeks flushed with warmth and exertion, her eyes sparkling with the few moments of fun she had allowed herself she smiled up at Puck and not for the first time felt the familiar tug in her chest whenever she made eye contact with him.

"I have an idea."

Rachel pretended to almost fall off the swing in shock. She laughed when he responded with a sarcastic, "Ha ha, very funny."

His face turned serious as he looked down into her brown eyes that for the moment were twinkling with mischievous laughter, but that he knew could be filled with sadness at the drop of a hat. "I think you're dealing with too many different things right now. You need to be able to focus on the most important problem and right now that's Daniel, but you keep getting distracted by Max and that just causes you more stress. So here's my proposal. You let me make some phone calls to see if I can find a solution to this whole Max/studio/leaving the state issue and you focus on your dad and what's going to be best for him and your family in the long run."

"Noah, I don't mean to sound rude, but how exactly would you be able to fix my Max problem?"

"What? You mean just because I'm a born and raised Lima Loser who's never left this town and probably never will you think I don't know how to get things done?" He dropped his eyebrows low and grimaced at her in an effort to make her think he was joking about what he'd said about himself even though he was being completely honest. Then in his best sexy "made-man" voice he whispered, "Babe I've got connections the phone company would be jealous of."

Rachel laughed aloud as she stood from the swing and closed the short distance between them. "Out of necessity for what remaining sanity I apparently have left I will let you make your phone calls and let me know what you can come up with Mr. Mafioso." Her voice softened as she added, "Mostly because you're right. I need to focus on what's most important and right now that's Daddy and trying to help Dad as much as I can." Gazing up into his dark hazel eyes she slowly raised her hands so that she was cupping his face in her palms. Her voice was soft and husky and sincere as she said, "And you are not a Lima Loser Noah Puckerman. You never have been." Ever so gently she lifted up onto her toes and placed a soft kiss against his cheek. "I don't know what I would do without you right now," she whispered softly as she pulled away.

Puck visibly swallowed and then smiled softly as he said, "I'm just grateful to have the opportunity to be there for you Rachel." He gently brushed a lock of dark brown hair from her face and tucked it behind her ear as he moved his hand to cup her cheek in his hand. For a long moment their gaze locked on each other, neither of them moving or saying anything as the air became thick between them. Abruptly Rachel took a shuddering breath as she tried to break the tension that had suddenly formed between them. Puck took a step back to give her the space he sensed she needed and took her hand as he nodded in the direction of the hospital. "Do you think it's safe to go back?" When she quirked her brow at him questioningly he answered seriously, "For the doctor. You're not going to go all diva on him if we go back now are you?"

"Well," she huffed indignantly as she pulled from his grasp and took a step away, "considering how temperamental I apparently am I don't know how anyone would be considered safe." When she flipped her hair over her shoulder and started to stalk toward the hospital Puck worried that he'd set the tiny brunette off, but when she paused, turned around and laughed he realized she'd been joking. "You should see your face Noah!" she laughed as he approached her. Slipping her hand back into his she leaned against his muscular arm as they slowly made their way back the way they had come.

"I have to check in at the restaurant and get some paperwork done that I've been neglecting. I'll call you when I have any word on the plan I have for the Max issue," Puck said as they reached the hospital entrance. He grasped both her shoulders firmly as he forced her to focus on him. "Promise me you're not going to worry about Max and the studio. Just focus on your dads and let me take care of this for you."

"I promise," she replied as she engulfed him in a hug. "Thank you Noah," she whispered against his shoulder. He gently ran his hands across her back in response and then quickly releasing her he turned and walked toward the parking lot. Rachel watched him go for a moment before she turned to enter the building.

She entered the room slowly in hopes that the doctor had finished and was now off helping another patient. Rachel breathed a soft sigh of relief when she saw only her dad in the room. He was lying on the wide window ledge staring out at the bright cloudless sky, but he turned his head and gave her a tired smile as she entered the room. She walked over to Daniel's bedside and took his warm unresponsive hand in her own as she leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to his cheek. "It's a beautiful day outside Daddy. I can't believe it's already almost June. It's warm and the birds are singing and the air is full of the scent of blossoming flowers. You're going to have to wake up soon if you expect to salvage any of the flowers in our yard because you know Dad and I are no good at that." She waited quietly as she tried to gain control of the irrational urge to shake him awake, as if that would work. Placing another kiss on his cheek she whispered, "I love you," and then walked over to join her dad in his quiet repose.

"I'm sorry Dad," she said sadly as she quickly wiped away a stray tear that had escaped. "I know this is not an ideal situation and I never intended to make things more difficult for you."

"You haven't made anything more difficult for me Rachel. Just having you here through all of this has been the best possible thing I could have ever asked for. I know that you're getting pressure from the studio to leave and take care of the press for the movie and, honey, I don't want you to take this the wrong way, but maybe you should do that." Marcus could tell from the look on her face that she had taken his statement the wrong way. "Rachel, Daddy and I spent your first eighteen years supporting your dream to become a star and we have been so proud of your work ethic and success. We always knew that you would make your dreams come true and knowing that it was finally happening for you these last few years gave us such joy, even though it meant we didn't get to see you as much as we would have liked. Daniel wouldn't want you to give that up and neither do I."

"But this is a family emergency Dad," Rachel argued. "And yes, my career is important to me, not just because it's my dream and I've worked so hard to get where I am, but because it's pretty much all I have." She paused as she realized the desperation and sadness she felt in making that statement. When she had been younger, sitting in her room or recording her MySpace videos, she had always imagined what it would be like to accomplish her dream, to become a huge star. She knew there would be drawbacks to it. She would have to deal with paparazzi giving her no privacy and the occasionally bad review or non-fan berating her performance or her looks, but she had channeled her high school experience into using it as a training ground so that those things would hopefully not hurt as much when they did happen. Mostly, though, when she thought about being a star she had imagined a jet-setting lifestyle with friends she would meet up with in Paris, New York, and Los Angeles; with late nights spent in camaraderie with cast and crew on whatever movie set or Broadway play she was currently performing in; with fans stopping her on the street to tell her how much they had enjoyed her performances and how much joy she had brought to them, in the same way she had practiced what she would say to Barbra Streisand if she ever had the opportunity to tell the woman what an impact she had had on her own life; and what she had imagined most frequently was the handsome man who would stand by her side as they walked the red carpet together, who would be frequently photographed holding her hand as they walked through Central Park, who would whisper words of encouragement and support before each show or movie premiere, who would hold her close at night when she fell apart from the critics harsh words, who would make her believe in herself again.

"Honey," Marcus said sadly as he watched Rachel struggle with her emotions. "That's not all you have. No matter what you always have me and Daddy, you know that."

"I know Dad. That's not really what I meant." Rachel sighed as she gazed out the window. "I love my career. I love performing. I love inhabiting another person's life for a while, trying to figure out their motivations and how they would react to things. I love being the conduit for other people to see how others live or see things through someone else's perspective, or even to just be entertained for a few hours. I think of all the time I spent watching movies and the joy and hope some of those stories brought me and I love the idea that I could do that for someone else."

"But the truth is, I'm lonely," she said softly as she turned sad eyes back toward her father. "I haven't really made any true friends since I graduated from college. I've made passing friendships on a couple of my movies, but nothing that's lasted beyond post-production. My closest friends right now are still the ones I made in high school and college, which there's nothing wrong with, but even with most of them I've lost contact over the last few years. I just think I'm realizing that sometimes a dream means more when you have other people to share it with."

Marcus nodded his head in understanding. "Does this realization have anything to do with how much time you and Puck have been spending together?"

Rachel couldn't hide the smile that instantly formed at the mention of the man's name. She bit her lip in contemplation before answering. "I never thought I'd be able to share the same space with him again, let alone…" she trailed off as she shook her head, afraid to voice the confusing emotions she felt about Puck.

"Have you forgiven him?" Marcus asked after a brief moment.

"I think I have. It seems like there are fewer moments that remind me of what he did and how he hurt me. I don't know, Dad. Part of me is terrified to forgive him. What if I do and he hurts me again? I don't think I could survive that. But I've also noticed that the more time I've spent with him the less I think about that, the less I hurt." She let out a deep breath and ran her fingers lightly through her hair. "Do you think I'm being foolish to forgive him, Dad?"

"I've always admired your ability to give second chances, Rachel. You remind me so much of Daniel in that respect. I think the only reason it's taken you so long to find the forgiveness for Puck is because you've held onto that hurt rather than letting it go or really trying to move forward from it." Marcus cleared his throat as he gazed at his daughter. She wasn't a little girl anymore. He could see a grown woman before him, dealing with grown up issues and emotions.

"I'm going to tell you something, Princess and I truly hope that it doesn't change the way that you look at me, but you're an adult now and while Daniel and I felt that it was something you didn't really need to know about I think that right now it's especially relevant and something you should know."

Rachel looked at her father and saw the emotional struggle in his eyes. He looked worried, fearful and it made her stomach clench with anxiety. She had no idea what he was about to tell her. "Okay." She couldn't keep the slight tremor out of her voice.

"You know that I'm a recovering alcoholic. We never hid that from you because we both felt it was important for you to understand not only the dangers of alcohol, but also why we didn't want it in the house. I had stopped drinking a few years before you were born so you were never exposed to who I was before I made those changes in my life, before I realized that if I didn't give up drinking then alcohol would be all I would have."

"Daddy would have left you?" Rachel asked quietly.

"Daddy did leave me honey," Marcus responded. There was pain in his voice and he couldn't stop the tears from forming in his eyes as old painful memories flooded his mind. Rachel gasped in shock and then confusion spread over her face.

"I was not the same person that I am now. I think you may be able to understand that an addiction like that can change who you are, how you react to things, even what you set as a priority. When I was drinking that's all I cared about. My next drink and myself were my priorities, not Daniel, not anyone else. What I put him through," Marcus paused and took a breath as he shook his head in disappointment over his past actions, "no one should have to go through. He stood by me through so much until I pushed him too far and he had to leave me or lose all respect for himself."

"What did you do?" Rachel asked quietly even though she was unsure she wanted the answer.

Marcus swallowed hard and looked down at his own hands clenched in his lap before he spoke. "There were a lot of things leading up to our separation, but the one thing he couldn't live with was unfaithfulness." He choked on the word and forced himself to look up into his daughter's eyes. Rachel was crying. She couldn't believe her dad was telling her these things. Her entire life she had been under the belief that her parents had the perfect relationship. Sure there had been arguments, but they had always made up and even when they disagreed on things she had always felt the strong undercurrent of love that flowed between them. She had always based her idea of a good relationship on what she had seen every day growing up and now her father was telling her that he had cheated on her daddy; that there had been a time when things had not been perfect, when they had not even been together.

"I know this must be shocking for you to hear Rachel, but you've always been a very mature, reasonable girl and I hope that the years of love and devotion that you've personally seen will negate the revelation that neither of us are perfect."

Rachel had to turn her eyes away from her father for a moment as she composed herself. It was shocking and she fought against the feeling of betrayal she felt on behalf of her daddy. When she turned back to look at her dad sitting across from her she saw how he was clenching his own hands nervously and his shoulders sagged. She saw the fear in his eyes. Fear that she wouldn't respect or love him anymore. She felt a wave of sadness and compassion for him wash over her as she realized the strength it took for him to be able to share something so personal with her that he could have kept to himself. There was obviously a reason he was choosing to share this now and she wanted to reassure him. Reaching across the short distance she took his large, dark hands in each of her own and squeezed them gently until he raised his watery eyes to meet her own.

"I love you Dad. Whatever happened, it was the past and Daddy obviously forgave you. The man who raised me, the man I love so much, that's who you are to me. That's who you'll always be to me."

Marcus let out a shaky chuckle as he continued to hold his daughter's soft hands in his own, not wanting to release the comforting contact. "You are your daddy's daughter," he said affectionately. When each of them had composed themselves after a moment he continued. "That was my moment Rachel. Realizing that I had hurt the man I loved with all my heart to such a degree that he would finally give up on me. It took some time, but I stopped drinking, turned my life around and eventually, miraculously, he forgave me. It wasn't easy. It took a lot of hard work on both of our parts and time, a lot of time. But I'm so thankful every day that he found it in his heart to forgive me. I can't imagine what my life would have been like without Daniel. I don't want to."

Rachel bit softly on her lower lip as she realized why her father had chosen to tell her something so personal and painful. The parallels were glaringly obvious. "Is that why you connected with Noah? Because you understand how he could have cheated on me? He told me you're his sponsor."

"You're my daughter Rachel. I love you more than anyone else on this earth, including Daniel and he would say the same thing. I am always on your side, no matter what. So when it happened I didn't care that I had done the same thing at some point in my life. What mattered was that someone had hurt my daughter and it made me so angry with Puck. I hated him for breaking your heart. I definitely didn't sympathize with him as a former cheater myself."

"But that night, at that meeting, when I saw him stand up in front of those people and truly bare his soul, honey, I barely recognized him as the young man I'd known for all those years. He was a broken shell, so wracked with guilt and remorse and it reminded me of how lost I had been at one point. I thought about how Daniel had forgiven me and given me the hope and faith in myself that I needed to pull myself out of the gutter that had become my life. I knew then that I couldn't walk away, even though I risked upsetting you."

"I'm glad you were there for him Dad," Rachel replied quietly. "It hurt at first, knowing you had fostered a relationship with a man that had hurt me so deeply, but I'm so grateful that you were there for him when I couldn't be."

"I guess what I want you to understand is that it's not foolish to forgive someone. If your daddy hadn't forgiven me," Marcus grimaced at the thought, "I don't even want to think about what my life would have been like. I would have missed out on having the most amazing, beautiful, talented daughter imaginable. I would have missed out on so many wonderful, happy years with the love of my life. Forgiveness isn't foolish Rachel, but it's also okay to be cautious. The fact is, Puck cheated and nothing can ever make that go away. But trust can be rebuilt if both parties are truly committed to it. My personal experience with Puck leads me to believe that he's a changed man. Speaking from the perspective of someone who was given a second chance, it can be the most amazing thing in the world."

Rachel was quiet for a while as she mulled over the things her father had told her. "He is different," she said quietly as a smile formed on her lips. "But he's the same too. He's become everything I always thought he could be and I'm so proud of him. I want to believe that he'd never hurt me like that again, but I also know that sometimes I want something so badly that I make myself believe it's the truth rather than facing the facts of the situation. It scares me Dad, how quickly I've let myself love him again."

"Maybe it was so quickly because you never really stopped loving him," Marcus proposed.

"Maybe," Rachel laughed with tears in her eyes. She glanced out the window and nodded her head as she thought about that. "Maybe," she whispered again.

"So," Marcus said a little louder as he decided to change the subject for a moment to give them an emotional break, "what are you going to do about work?"

Rachel laughed. "I promised Noah that I wouldn't think about it." At the questioning look from her dad she continued, "He wants me to focus on you and Daddy. He said he was going to look into some things and see if he could find a solution for me that would keep me from leaving the state. I don't know what he has up his sleeve, but he's so sincere about trying to take care of me that I'm going to let him have this one and just see what he comes up with."

"That's very trusting of you."

Rachel gave a slight shrug and smiled sheepishly at her father. "Baby steps, right?"


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: I'm going to start this update by stating that I am not an attorney, nor am I in the entertainment industry so I don't know if this is even possible. However, like most fictional books and television shows I am taking creative license in order to further the story and make what I need to happen, happen. Sorry if any of it seems far fetched. Thanks to everyone who's been reviewing and alerting this story. And well, thanks to anyone who even is taking the time to read it because when you think about it even that is kind of awesome. I don't own anything. Enjoy!**

**CHAPTER THIRTEEN**

For the tenth time in as many minutes Rachel checked the time on her phone and let out a soft sigh. "You have time," Marcus spoke up from across the room. "They're not even late yet." Rachel smiled at her father.

"I know. I'm just anxious." She heard her father chuckle softly as she once again couldn't stop herself from checking the time. She'd only had to wait a couple days and by some miraculous fete Puck had found a solution to her in person interview problem. He had always been the type of person to do kind things without trying to draw a lot of attention. In high school he had used the excuse that it would harm his rep as a badass. Rachel had always known better. It had been surprisingly difficult to get the details from him on how he had put something together so quickly. He had finally told her that all it had taken was a phone call to the studio where he purported to be her attorney well enough to get them to fax a copy of her contract so that he could see for himself the extent of her promotional responsibilities rather than trying to go through Max; then discovering that the one in-person interview didn't stipulate network or size of viewership. From there it was a matter of one phone call to a friend of his that had a morning talk show in Cincinnati, who jumped at the opportunity to have Rachel Berry as a guest on their show. Problem solved. She had squealed with delight and jumped in his arms to hug him, thanking him profusely. It had been a huge weight off of her shoulders and she had taken an inordinate amount of pleasure in informing Max that she had indeed scheduled an interview and if the studio chose to negotiate with the Fox Network to re-air the interview from their affiliate in Cincinnati to a larger audience then they should take care of that, but her obligation would be fulfilled as of Saturday.

It was now Saturday, exactly six days from the premiere of her movie and she was anxiously waiting at the hospital for Puck to pick her up so they could drive to Cincinnati together. He had said he had things to do in the city and both he and her dad had conspired together to get her to go with Puck with plans to spend the day away from the stress of the hospital. She stood from her chair with a sigh of relief as the door to Daniel's room finally opened and Puck walked through followed by a small blonde haired little boy. The smile on Rachel's face faltered only a moment out of surprise before it became even larger. "Hello Sammy. I haven't seen you in a while."

With a gentle hand on the crown of the blonde locks Puck guided the four year old further into the room. "Quinn got called in for a double shift and I offered to bring Sammy along with us today. I hope that's okay," he told Rachel, his eyes hopeful.

She smiled reassuringly at him and leaned down to shake the little boy's hand. "Of course that's okay. We'll have so much fun." Sammy grasped her hand and gave her a huge smile, once again reminding Rachel so much of his father that it made her chest clench painfully.

"Hi there Sammy," Marcus spoke up from where he was as he walked over and lifted the little boy into his arms. "How have you been little man?"

"I've been good," he answered seriously. "My Grandpa and Grandma Evans are in Chicago visiting my Aunt Stacey and they promised to bring something back for me. I'm hoping it's a puppy but Mama said it better not be because she doesn't need two tornadoes." Sammy smiled as all three adults laughed even though he wasn't sure what he'd said that was so funny. Adults were weird sometimes. He looked at the man lying asleep in the bed. "Uncle Puck said your daddy was sick Rachel. Is he going to be well soon?" the little boy asked with concern as he turned his big blue eyes back toward the brunette.

Rachel smiled at him as her father gently placed him back on the ground. "I really hope that he will."

"My mama should be his nurse. That's what she does. She helps the doctors make people better so they can leave the hospital," he replied simply as he walked back toward his Uncle Puck and slipped his small hand into the much larger one offered him.

Rachel could see Puck tense at the innocent words and she wanted to put him at ease so that he wouldn't have to feel on guard all day about Sammy saying things about his mother, worried that she may become upset about the constant reminder of Quinn. "Well Daddy probably isn't going to be here much longer, but we'll definitely have to give that a shot," she said with a smile.

Puck smiled thankfully at her and then announced that they'd better hit the road if they were going to get to Cincinnati in time. "Yea! Aunt Cedes," Sammy said boisterously. Rachel looked questioningly at Puck and he gave her a grin before explaining.

"The friend I have in Cincinnati that has her own talk show. She's your friend too Rach."

"Mercedes?" she asked in disbelief as a smile spread across her face.

Puck nodded. "I'll let her catch you up on stuff, but yeah, she's the host of a morning TV show _Wake Up with Cedes, Cinci_. She's so psyched to see you again and you being on her show is going to give her a ratings boost just before she renegotiates her contract so you're actually helping her out too."

"You're full of surprises Noah Puckerman," she said with a laugh.

"I thought there was just one?" Sammy said at his side. Rachel shot her eyebrow up when Puck laughed nervously and steered the young boy toward the door suddenly insisting that they really needed to leave now or they'd be late and Mercedes would accuse Rachel of being a diva.

"Please," Rachel scoffed, "that woman has no room to talk." With that she kissed both of her dads goodbye, reminding Marcus to call her immediately if there were any changes in Daniel's condition and then quickly followed the two male figures that were already retreating down the hall.

Rachel had been concerned that an hour long car trip with a four year old would be an arduous undertaking, but it was turning out to be a lot of fun. It was adorable to watch Puck and Sammy interact and the young boy was a fountain of entertainment. He turned out to be extremely talkative and after exhausting all avenues of his pre-school education, what his favorite games were to play with his friends, and how difficult the levels were on the latest _Sonic_ videogame, he and Puck had started doing imitations of their favorite cartoon characters. When their perfect imitation of Spongebob and Patrick from _Spongebob Squarepants_ left Rachel laughing hysterically Sammy laughed aloud.

"Rachel I really like your laugh. It makes me want to laugh too."

Rachel smiled at him in the back seat. "Why thank you Sammy. I really like your laugh as well."

"Mama and Uncle Puck say I have my dad's laugh."

Rachel thanked her years of acting classes for the fact that she was able to keep her smile on her face and her voice from betraying the catch of emotion she felt at the young boy's declaration. "I would have to agree with them," she said kindly.

"Were you friends with my dad, too?" he asked curiously. "Like Uncle Puck?"

Rachel glanced quickly toward Puck. She could see the muscles in his jaw jumping even as he kept his eyes on the road and a soft smile on his face. Without thinking about her actions she gently reached across the small space between them and cupped his cheek gently in her soft hand. "I was friends with your dad, but not like your Uncle Puck. No one was friends with your dad like Puck was," she finished softly. Puck turned his gaze on her for a brief moment and she could see the unshed tears glistening in his eyes as he took her hand in his own and silently intertwined their fingers, resting them both on the center console.

"Yeah," Sammy continued from the back seat, completely unaware of the moment taking place in the front seat, "they were like brothers. I wish I had a brother."

"Well, Little Man, you know I never had a brother growing up, but when I met your dad it was like I'd found the brother I'd been missing my whole life. Maybe one day you'll find a friend like that, too. You could have a friendship like Sam and I had and then you'll have a brother, too." Rachel squeezed Puck's hand reassuringly. Even with five years the loss of Sam was still painful. She imagined that it always would be, but as with all things time gave distance and strength to cope, or to at least make it bearable.

"That would be awesome," Sammy said excitedly. "I can't wait to have a friend like you Uncle Puck. Are we almost there?" he asked and Rachel had to laugh at the sudden change of topic. Talking with the four year old felt similar to an improvisation class she'd taken in college.

She smiled softly as Puck pointed out the digital time showing on the dashboard and explained to Sammy that when the two became a four then twenty minutes will have passed and we should be there then. The next five minutes were taken up with the four year old complaining that the two still hadn't even changed to a three and exactly how long was this going to take.

The studio looked like any other office building in downtown Cincinnati. The only designations separating it were the large Fox and WOHN symbols on the concrete face. Rachel was immediately escorted to hair and makeup while Puck and Sammy were shown to the green room after a quick stop in the men's restroom. Rachel was stepping out of the makeup chair when she heard a voice behind her. "Hey there Hot Mama."

Rachel spun as a huge smile spread across her face. "Mercedes!" she squealed happily as she flung herself into the waiting arms of her old friend. "It's so great to see you!" Rachel continued excitedly as she released the woman. "This is just so amazing. I didn't expect to see you until our ten year reunion, but I'm so happy that it happened this way."

Mercedes laughed as she hooked her arm through Rachel's and began leading her down the hallway. "I know girl. I mean, as jealous as I was of you in high school, I still always knew you'd find a way to become the star you were meant to be. But I honestly never thought my career would take this course."

"Okay, so you have to bring me up to date. Tell me about your life."

"As you know I went to Northwestern. Even though I knew I wanted to do something in entertainment I still wasn't decided completely and my parents were on me to choose something stable. So I did sort of a shotgun class schedule, hoping to find something I truly loved and I stumbled into a communications class. I actually found something I enjoyed just as much as singing and once I realized that I was really good at it I decided I was going to be the next Oprah, and here I am," she finished with a flourish that reminded Rachel of so many moments walking the halls of McKinley.

"And what about your personal life? Anyone special?" Rachel asked with a conspiratorial smile as she bumped her hip playfully against Mercedes' hip.

"Oh, you know how I am. That's never really been a priority for me and right now I'm just so focused on my career I haven't really had the time for anything more than casual dating. I could ask you the same question, but I think I already know the answer." Mercedes chuckled as she opened a door and they walked into the room to find Puck wrestling with Sammy on an overstuffed couch. Rachel couldn't hide the blush that flushed across her cheeks as Puck looked up and smiled at the two women.

"Aunt Cedes!" Sammy yelled as he scrambled free of Puck's hold and ran across the room to leap into her waiting arms.

"Sammy E!" Mercedes laughed as she hugged the boy close then set him back down. "Pound it," she said as she raised her closed fist to the boy.

He laughed as he pressed his own closed fist to hers and said, "Blow it up!" as they both pulled back and released their fingers in explosive gesture. "Mama said to give you a kiss and tell you to call her for a girl's night."

"I will definitely do that. Now where's my kiss?" she chuckled as she leaned down so he could quickly peck her cheek.

Puck smiled at the exchange as he strolled over to the group. With a smirk on his face he said, "Hey, where's my brown sugar?" The two friends laughed as they embraced. "So Mercedes, are you ready to give our gold star here the diva equivalent of the Spanish Inquisition?"

"Hey!" Rachel huffed as she playfully slapped his shoulder. "Mercedes and I have long ago put aside any rivalry that may have had a detrimental impact upon our friendship. I'm sure that she will be a complete professional and the interview will turn out lovely."

Mercedes laughed and gave Puck a knowing smile as she saw the familiar attraction sparking between the two of them. "Yeah Puckerman, it'll be absolutely lovely," she said with a playful smirk as she lightly teased Rachel. "Come on," she encouraged as she turned to leave the room. "You and Sammy can watch. We're just going to be taping today so there won't be an audience," she explained as they all followed her down the hallway until they walked through a wide door and the room suddenly opened up into a medium sized studio with about 100 seats and a comfortable set that looked very much like a living room.

"This is nice," Rachel murmured as she appraised the space with a practiced eye. There were a minimum number of crew milling about the stage as they adjusted wires and lights. Mercedes left Puck and Sammy in the front row as she led Rachel to a pair of large, comfortable looking chairs. Once they were both comfortable they waited patiently as the lighting guys made adjustments and makeup swooped in for some final touch ups.

"Before we get started Rachel, I just wanted to tell you how much I appreciate you doing this. Puck explained your situation so I know it's a positive for you as well, but seriously girl, snagging an interview with you is going to be a real coup for me and I can't thank you enough."

Rachel flashed Mercedes a brilliant smile. "You have no idea what a relief it is to be able to do this. It's been a major stress for me and you're really helping me out, too. Honestly Mercedes if I'd known you had your own talk show I would have insisted on an interview much sooner and now that I do know you can be assured that every media blitz I have to do for a movie from now on will include an interview with you."

"I feel bad that we've lost touch over the years. We should definitely make more of an effort to stay in touch," Mercedes said as she reached across to grasp Rachel's hand.

Rachel squeezed her hand in response and flashed a brief smile. "I feel the same. Most likely I'll be spending a lot more time in Lima from now on so we'll have opportunity to become reacquainted."

"How is your dad?" she asked with concern.

Rachel took a deep breath before she responded. "He's still in a coma. Dad and I are looking into some long-term care facilities because he can't stay in the hospital forever. I'm still holding out hope that he'll wake up, but with what the doctors are saying it would seem that they're not as hopeful."

"Don't lose that faith and hope Rachel. Doctors may understand medicine, but they don't understand the human heart. I've learned that faith and determination can go a really long way in recovering from trials, including what medical experts may deem hopeless. Please know that my prayers are with you and your dads."

"Thank you," Rachel whispered as she tried to keep the tears from welling in her eyes. She took a shaky breath and let out a soft laugh. "Are you trying to sabotage me? We're about to tape an interview and you're going to make my eyes puffy from crying."

Mercedes laughed and let the moment become light again. "Oh girl you caught me! Speaking of the interview I need to ask you, is there anything that's off limits as far as questions go? I don't want to blindside you with anything."

Rachel thought for a moment and then gave a soft shake of her head. "No, I can't think of anything."

"Okay. Well we are going to tape it so if I stumble onto anything that you don't want to talk about we can always edit. It will air on the Monday show so there's always time to fix anything if you want to. I just want you to be comfortable with everything, so I thought we'd just talk for a little bit about the movie to ease us in and then go from there."

"Sounds good," Rachel agreed as the crew bustling around them suddenly left the stage. The camera men took their places and a "Quiet on set" was heard from the director standing in the darkened wings beside a podium with a small overhead light that dimly illuminated her notes.

Mercedes took a few deep breaths, squared her shoulders and then looked directly toward the camera labeled with a number one. "Good morning Cincinnati," she said with a bright smile, "and welcome to _Wake Up With Cedes_. We have a special treat for all of you this fine Monday morning as Ohio native and Hollywood "It Girl" Rachel Berry has joined us for an exclusive interview to talk about her movie opening this week. Of course, I know how you all love some good dish so we'll definitely be talking about more than just her movie. Rachel, it's so good to have you here with us. Your movie _Lay Over_ opens nationwide this Friday. Can you tell us what it's about?"

"Of course and thank you so much for having me Mercedes. It truly is a pleasure to be here. I had a wonderful time filming _Lay Over_ and I'm so excited for the premiere and to see if the audience enjoys it as much as I did. I play Samantha Bennett, a U.S. Marshall who's transporting a witness in a federal investigation to give testimony when our plane gets diverted to a small airport in the middle of Wyoming due to a storm. Samantha and the witness, David Connor, played incredibly by my co-star and friend Craig Landon, are then put in danger when the people he's going to testify against find them stranded in this small town and then the adventure begins," Rachel finished with a smile.

"It sounds like it's a bit of a departure from your previous movies."

"There will still be the romantic element, for all my female fans, of course, but I think this really appeals to all audiences because there's also a lot of action. It was quite exciting. They let me do some of my own stunts. It was very empowering," she chuckled.

"They actually let you do your own stunts?" Mercedes asked incredulously. "Did you ever get hurt?"

"Oh, not all of them," Rachel laughed. "I'm not going to take any of the credit away from the amazing stunt team. They really made me feel safe when I was able to do a stunt myself and my stunt double was absolutely amazing. They were all so wonderful and careful I didn't get hurt at all. I got worse bruises in glee than I did filming this movie."

Mercedes laughed and then turned her attention back toward the camera. "For those of you wondering what Rachel's talking about, she's referring to glee club. This is a little known fact, but she and I went to high school together. We spent three years in glee club and Rachel here led our team to the National Championship two years in a row." She turned back toward Rachel with a smile. "You were destined to be a star girl; I just always thought it would be more on Broadway than in the movies. It wasn't until just recently that your fans were even made aware of your incredible vocal talent with that YouTube video that was released recently. I have to ask, was that a planned performance?"

Rachel smiled and lowered her head bashfully as she shook her head no. As she rose up to make eye contact with Mercedes she caught sight of Puck over her shoulder. He had Sammy in his lap; his head resting atop a pile of soft blonde curls, a soft smile playing across his face as his eyes never strayed from her. She felt her heart do a little flip as she locked onto those intense hazel eyes and she could feel the love and pride pouring across the distance and into her. She felt a sudden rush of joy course through her entire body as she realized in an instant that this was what she'd been missing all those years. It wasn't the path her career had taken that was making her unhappy. It was the part of the dream she'd lost. Having someone to share her dream with, feeling their love and support. And not just anyone. Noah. She missed Noah. "It wasn't planned." Her voice was almost a whisper she'd become so choked up with emotion and she cleared her throat and reached to the side table for the mug of water that had been left there for her. She took a drink quickly as she brought her mind back into focus and concentrated on the fact that while she was sitting talking with an old friend, she was also in the middle of an interview that would be broadcast to the public.

"My fathers were in a car accident, which is why I've been back in Ohio for a while now. My daddy, Daniel, is currently still in the hospital. I had been spending so much time there and I had just needed a release for all of these emotions I'd been feeling so I went to dinner at this wonderful restaurant in Lima called The Gold Star Bar and Grill and they happened to be having a karaoke night. I just couldn't resist. For me, music and singing has always been a way for me to express my emotions and that night was no different."

"I'm sorry about your dad Rachel. My prayers are with your family and I'm sure your fans hearts and prayers go out to you as well. How has that been with the pressure of the movie's release and staying at the hospital? It must be a very stressful time."

"It has been," Rachel concurred, "but the studio has been amazingly helpful and understanding. They've made it possible for me to do a lot of phone interviews and while I'm sorry to be missing the L.A. premiere they've been so supportive. I'm grateful also because I was able to come here and see you and do this interview because it's closer to my father than New York or L.A." Rachel smiled as she continued to lay it on thick with her praise of the studio. "Everyone's just been so wonderful and supportive. And then I have my friends, too, who've helped me so much." She shifted her gaze once again to Puck's to let him know that she was really talking about him. At Mercedes' next question she felt the breath go out of her lungs and her heart nearly stopped in her chest.

"And what about your co-star and boyfriend, Craig Landon? Is he going to be joining you here soon?"

Because she had been looking at Puck when Mercedes asked her question she was able to see his reaction when Craig was mentioned. His jaw clenched, his eyes darkened and narrowed and his arms pulled Sammy just a little tighter in their grasp. Rachel instantly felt sick. She knew what she should do. She knew what Max would want her to do. But looking at Puck, at everything she'd lost and everything she wanted, she couldn't bring herself to do it. So she took a deep breath, plastered a fake smile on her face and focused back on her unsuspecting friend.

"No," Rachel said, "I imagine Craig will be attending the premiere of our movie _Lay Over_ along with everyone else who's able to make it. The truth is, Craig and I aren't currently seeing each other."

"Oh," Mercedes replied, her eyes going wide with surprise even though she wasn't able to quite hide the satisfied smile that quickly followed. She'd been right when she'd seen the chemistry between her two friends.

"You know how it is," Rachel continued as she leaned toward Mercedes and flourished her hands in the air in a gesture that seemed to brush everything aside as if it were nothing. "Sometimes you meet a person and you think there's potential for something else, but then the more you get to know them you realize that while they're a wonderful person, they're just not the right person for you." Now that she was finally speaking the truth about her fake relationship she felt as if a tremendous weight had been lifted from her shoulders. She couldn't stop the broad smile that lit up her face as she spoke to Mercedes. "Craig is a wonderful man and we had dinner a few times, but there just wasn't anything there. You know, no spark. But I consider him one of my dear friends and I think that our friendship really translates well on the screen. It's part of the chemistry we have that makes our characters so believable. I think when people see _Lay Over_ they'll really be able to see that."

Mercedes smiled. She couldn't believe how far this girl had come. From a brash, over-confident, socially awkward girl who sometimes said too much, too bluntly to the young woman who now sat before her seamlessly spinning a personal question into another plug for her movie. "Well I know I'm excited to see it. Thank you so much for joining us today Rachel. _Lay Over_ opens nationwide this Friday, check it out Cincinnati."

As soon as the cameras stopped rolling Mercedes leaned forward and said quietly, "I'm sorry Rachel. If you didn't want to bring up any of that Craig stuff we can re-tape this and I won't ask about it."

Rachel laughed and patted Mercedes' hand reassuringly. "I think the interview turned out lovely, just as I anticipated it would. I'm not upset about anything that was said and I'm glad that people will know that I'm not romantically involved with him any longer." She couldn't bring herself to say that she'd never been romantically involved with him. That would be too detrimental to her career and really all anyone needed to know was that she was no longer dating him. "My manager, Max, on the other hand is going to kill me."

Mercedes nodded her head and then raised her voice to speak to the director. "Lisa, if everything looks good on your end then according to Miss Berry she's happy with the interview."

"It's good," Lisa said and then raised her voice to the crew. "Alright everyone, it's a wrap. Let's shut it down." Instantly, crew members began scrambling to put everything away and get back to their Saturday.

"Aunt Cedes!" Sammy yelled as he bounced toward them with a huge smile on his face. "Can I get a baseball hat like that?" he asked as he pointed toward one of the crew wearing a cap with the shows emblem scrawled across front.

"Of course you can," Mercedes smiled as she took his hand and began to lead him away. "We'll be right back," she said over her shoulder to Rachel and Puck as she left them standing beside each other on the sound stage. Mercedes chuckled softly to herself as she led her pseudo-nephew away to find him some show merchandise. From the looks she'd seen her two friends giving each other she figured it wouldn't be long before there was a Puckleberry reunion. She made a mental note to herself to be sure to call Kurt tonight and give him all the good gossipy news.

"Well, I think that went very well," Rachel said quietly as she watched Mercedes and Sammy disappear. Puck was standing so close to her she could feel the heat radiating off his body and it was doing things to her that she hadn't felt in a very long time. She couldn't bring herself to look in his eyes until she gained control of herself. She knew that it would be her undoing.

"It did," Puck agreed. "You give good interview." He smirked sideways at her and Rachel couldn't help laughing. She was grateful for his joke because it helped break some of the tension she was feeling. "So, you and that Landon guy," Puck drawled out. He seemed uncertain about what to say. "I was thinking you two were either having problems or he was a complete ass because he hadn't come to see you at all during this whole thing with your dads."

Rachel steeled herself for the repercussions of what she was about to do, but she knew she had to say it anyway. It was one thing to let the public believe something to be true, but it was an entirely different thing to let the people actually in her life believe it. She realized that any relationship she rebuilt with Puck would have to be built on complete honesty. She would not have any more lies tainting her personal life. "He's not an ass Noah. He's actually a very nice man." She saw Puck stiffen beside her and she couldn't deny the little thrill that ran through her body at the realization that he was jealous.

Rachel turned to face him. "The truth is," she paused as she took a calming breath. "The truth is that Craig and I have never been more than just friends and coworkers."

She saw Puck's questioning look and plowed forward. "We were photographed having lunch and dinner a few times while filming the movie. The papers speculated that our work relationship was more intimate in nature. Max is Craig's manager as well and when the rumors surfaced he proposed that we not deny the relationship. He felt it would help publicize the movie, make it more interesting for people to go see. You know, the way that Brad and Angelina's on set romance helped publicize _Mr. and Mrs. Smith_."

Puck looked confused as he processed what she was telling him. "But in some of your interviews you did more than just not deny it."

"Noah, I'm not proud of it. I'm not proud of what I've let Max talk me into, but at first I didn't see the harm in it. Craig and I are friends. We'd go to dinner occasionally and Max would make sure a few paparazzi would be there to catch it on film. At first it was kind of nice, the attention and everything, but recently the lie of it all had begun to weigh me down. I'm tired of living my life simply for my job. I'm tired of living a lie. Mercedes gave me the perfect opportunity to end the charade in a way that won't adversely affect my career."

Puck nodded as he everything seemed to click into place for him. He'd wondered why she had brought up her boyfriend the entire time she'd been home. He'd wondered why there'd been no phone calls. If she were his girlfriend he wouldn't have left her side during this crisis. He'd just assumed he'd been right about the guy being a total douche, but now it made sense. They weren't really together. They'd never been together. He was pulled from his thoughts when he felt the warmth and softness of her hand slip into his.

"Noah, I know it may make you think less of me, but I needed you to know the truth." Rachel bit her lip nervously before continuing. "I feel like over the last few weeks we've rediscovered a friendship that I thought we had lost. I spent the last five years feeling so angry and hurt by what you did that I didn't want to admit to myself that I missed what we had. I missed the friendship we'd formed. You were more to me than a lover, Noah. You were my best friend. The first real friend I'd ever had and now that it feels as though we've gotten that back I don't want to lose it. I don't want any lies between us. You know how important honesty is to me."

"I do know," Puck interrupted her, "and I don't think less of you Rachel. I feel the same way. There are so many things I regret, but losing you, losing your friendship." Puck paused and shook his head as he tried to find the words he needed to express how he felt. "I never thought I'd get the chance to have you in my life, even as just friends, and Rachel just having that, having you as my friend is so much more than I ever even wished for. So much more than I deserve."

"That's not true, Noah. You deserve so much. You're a wonderful man. A wonderful friend and I," Rachel stopped herself before she could say the words that were on the tip of her tongue. She wasn't ready yet, to say those words. "I am so grateful and happy to have you in my life." She pulled her hand free of his grasp and then slipped her arms around his waist and pulled him close, resting her head against his chest as she let the warmth and strength of his arms wrapping around her envelop her.

The sound of Sammy laughing pulled them apart and they looked over to see Mercedes and the young blonde boy walking toward them. Rachel didn't miss the smirk that graced Mercedes face and she couldn't stop the warm blush that once again flamed across her cheeks at her old friends knowing look.

Puck laughed at the sight of Sammy. He was now sporting a white t-shirt with the show's name splashed across in bright red cursive and a red baseball cap advertising the show in white. "Well look at you. You sure got hooked up with some swag."

"Did you thank your Aunt Mercedes for the hat and shirt?" Rachel asked before she even thought about what she was saying. Puck glanced toward Rachel and smiled. He liked that Rachel and Sammy got along so well and that she apparently felt comfortable enough with the young boy to remind him about being courteous.

"Thank you Aunt Cedes," Sammy said with a smile.

"You're very welcome Mr. E. And I also had them put together a couple bags of stuff for you all to take with you. Now I know you all have places to be so why don't you give me a hug," she said as she reached down to embrace the young blonde.

"Where do we have to be?" Rachel asked Puck quietly. She became even more curious when Puck didn't answer her and instead moved in to give Mercedes a goodbye hug before lifting Sammy up and whispering conspiratorially with the little boy.

"Rachel," Mercedes said as she pulled the petite brunette into a tight hug, "it was so good to see you again. Stay in touch this time, okay girl."

"I will. I promise," Rachel said as she returned the embrace.

As Rachel pulled herself up into the cab of Puck's truck she heard Sammy whispering to Puck as he settled into his booster seat and let his uncle buckle him in. "I'm so excited Uncle Puck. Do you think Rachel's going to like the surprise?" Rachel quirked her eyebrow at the comment. She had caught a few comments through the day that had made her think Puck had something up his sleeve, but now her suspicions were confirmed.

Puck cast a quick glance toward her as he settled in the driver's seat and she gave him a smile as she squinted her eyes at him. "Surprise?" she asked. He laughed out loud.

"I'm amazed we were able to keep it this long. Four year olds aren't exactly known for keeping silent."

"I'm quite impressed," she laughed. "Now, where are we going?"

Puck gave her a little smirk as he reached out and pressed a finger quickly to the tip of her nose. "Wouldn't you like to know?" He laughed when Rachel widened her eyes at him, crossed her arms petulantly and flung herself back in the seat.


	14. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything.**

**CHAPTER FOURTEEN**

As Puck pulled into a parking spot and placed the truck in park Rachel gazed around their surroundings with curiosity as she tried to figure out what kind of surprise Puck could have planned that would involve them being at a public park. She couldn't help but smile when she turned in her seat to see Sammy bouncing irrepressibly in his own seat. A large smile spread across his face, he said, "Come on Uncle Puck. We're gonna miss it all!"

Puck laughed as he climbed out of the truck and opened the back cab door to lift Sammy out and to the ground. "We're not going to miss anything Sammy. The game's hardly started."

Rachel joined them around the side of the truck. "So what kind of surprise am I in store for?"

Puck smiled down at Sammy. "Do you want to tell her?"

Sammy jumped up and down with excitement. "It's a baseball game!"

"A baseball game? Here at the park?"

"Yep," Sammy replied as he took Puck's hand and they all began walking toward a green baseball field that already had adults sitting in the stands and a group of children in the middle of a game. "Abby's game," he said excitedly as he reached up with his free hand and took hold of Rachel's.

Rachel looked down with surprise as the tiny hand slipped into her own. She was surprised not only by how soft the small boy's skin was but also by the feeling that swelled up within her at the feeling of his small hand within hers. Rachel had been small her entire life. She was always shorter than everyone she met. Never had she held a hand smaller than her own and it filled her with a sense of protectiveness she couldn't describe. It felt almost maternal. She was so wrapped up in the young boy's gesture of trust and affection by taking her hand that she almost missed what he had said. "Wait, what?" she said as she glanced at a smiling Puck. "Abby's game?"

"First game of the season," Puck replied. "I figured since we were already in town we could go to it. I thought you might like to meet her and I know she'd love to meet you."

Rachel suddenly felt extremely nervous. She was going to meet Puck's daughter; the daughter that had, in a way, brought them together in the first place. Before she could truly get her bearings they were already at the bleachers and Puck was pulling them up to the third row. "Rachel Berry," she heard a woman say as they sat down on the bench.

"Mrs. Ellison?" Rachel questioned as she recognized the older woman.

"Please, it's Sara," the woman said with a smile. "I'm so glad you were able to come with Sammy and Puck. Abby's going to be so excited to see all of you. I don't think she's ever quite believed her father and I that we met you before you were famous."

"I saw a picture of her in Noah's office," Rachel replied with a smile. "She is absolutely beautiful and she looks so happy."

"Thank you," Sara said kindly before turning her attention back to the game. "Oh she's coming up to bat."

Rachel's attention instantly swiveled to the young girl currently stepping up to the plate. She swung the bat in a practiced swing as she walked toward the white pentagon. Her brown hair was held back in a ponytail and Rachel couldn't really see her face because of the hard black helmet she wore as protection. She could easily see the athleticism in the unhurried and natural rhythm with which she approached the plate, swinging the bat as she loosened her muscles. "Come on Abby!" Sammy and Sara yelled beside her. "Let's go Ace," Puck joined in. The young girl let the first pitch go by her and she heard Drake Ellison shout out encouragement from his seat beside Sara. "That's okay sweetie, you just wait for your pitch."

Rachel smiled and then let a laugh escape her lips as she realized how much fun she was having. She watched the young girl step away from the plate and push the helmet further down on her head as she concentrated on not letting the strike psyche her out. She took a couple swings at the air and then stepped back up to the plate. Her gaze was serious but Rachel could see a slight smirk playing across her lips as she stared down the young red head getting ready to pitch to her. There was a loud crack as the bat connected firmly with the fastball and the stands erupted with shouting as Abby took off in a sprint for first base. Rachel rose to her feet in the excitement along with everyone else as she cheered the young girl on.

In between the third and fourth innings Sammy said he was thirsty and Rachel offered to go get drinks, taking the y0ung boy with her so he could stretch his legs. As they stood in the short line at the concession stand Sammy bounced on the balls of his feet as he gave Rachel a play-by-play of the game she had just been watching. She laughed as he said, "And Rachel did you see when Abby hit that ball and she made it all the way to second base? And then did you see when she made the run and scored the point? Oh, and then Rachel did you see her catch the ball when that other girl hit it and she threw it so far and got that girl out? It was so awesome. Abby's a really good baseball player. My daddy and Uncle Puck played football. I'm going to play football when I get bigger. Next year Mama said I can join the pee wee team if I want to."

"That's wonderful," Rachel said as they reached the front of the line. "So what kind of drink do you want?"

"I usually get either orange or root beer as long as it doesn't have caffeine. Mama says I'm not allowed caffeine because it makes me hyper. And sugar. She says sugar makes me unbearably hyper, but Uncle Puck still lets me have sugar sometimes and then he calls me Tigger because I'm bouncy and full of fun, fun, fun." Sammy finished his statement with an example of how bouncy he could be and Rachel just laughed at his antics as she asked for a small diet root beer, a medium coke for Puck, and water for herself.

"Now hold onto that," Rachel warned as she gave Sammy his drink as they started back toward the seats.

"Rachel what's a wagon?" Sammy asked her completely out of nowhere.

Rachel looked down at the young boy. His blue eyes were suddenly serious as he looked up at her, both of his hands grasping tightly around the paper cup holding his soda. "A wagon is kind of like a car," she replied. "It has four wheels but it doesn't have an engine so it has to be pulled by something else. Back before there were cars they were pulled by horses, but now they're usually pulled by a truck or a tractor. What brought that question up?"

Sammy shrugged. "I was just wondering. I wasn't sure what one was and I was worried Uncle Puck would get hurt when he fell off, but if it's only as big as a car then he shouldn't get hurt because he can get in and out of his truck all the time without getting hurt."

Rachel looked quickly back down at the boy. "Why would you think your Uncle Puck was going to be around a wagon?"

Sammy took a sip of his drink before answering. "I heard him and Mama talking. She said she didn't want him to fall off the wagon, but he promised he wouldn't. He told her not to worry. That he'd be okay. I just wanted to be sure. Are you taking a wagon with you when you leave?"

"No, I'll most likely be flying," Rachel answered honestly. "Why do you think I'd take a wagon?"

"Because they were talking about Uncle Puck falling off the wagon when you leave," he said as he climbed the stairs leading to the bench where she could see Puck laughing over something Drake had just told him. Rachel paused at the bottom of the stairs as she watched Sammy take his seat next to Puck. Puck turned and asked Sammy something. She realized what he'd asked when Sammy pointed down toward her and Puck's gaze found her, a smile instantly flashing across his face. Realizing she was still standing at the bottom of the stairs she slowly made her way up to the bench they were all sitting on. She handed Puck his drink and took her seat, her head still reeling with what Sammy had told her.

Puck frowned slightly as his gaze once again was pulled from the field toward Rachel. Ever since she'd come back with Sammy she'd been extremely quiet. She cheered in all the right spots and clapped her hands, but he noticed it was always a split second behind everyone else. Almost as if she were just taking cues from everyone around her rather than actually watching the game. He also noticed that she wouldn't make eye contact with him. The day had been going even better than he'd hoped and now he was concerned that something had happened to turn that around. He wondered if she'd received a text about Daniel, but he pushed that quickly aside because he knew she would tell him immediately so that they could leave if that had happened.

He tried to push his concerns aside as the game came to an end and everyone rose from the bleachers to make their way down to the field to congratulate the kids. The Gold Stars had won by two runs and Abigail had been amazing. She was very athletic and he couldn't help the feeling of pride that rose in his chest at watching her move amongst her teammates with confidence and natural ease. He returned her bright smile when she spotted the group of them standing beside the chain link fence waiting for her. He let himself feel the jealousy for just a moment before pushing it away when she ran into Drake's arms for a hug. "You were amazing Pumpkin," he heard Drake tell her with warmth in his voice as he gently brushed sweaty bangs out of her face. "Thanks Dad," she smiled up at him before moving into Sara's waiting arms.

Puck had to laugh out loud when Sammy didn't wait for the young girl to be free of her mother's embrace before he flung himself around her legs. "You were great Abby. You can throw the ball really far. Can you show me how you did that?"

The young brunette laughed as she pulled free to give Sammy a hug in return. "Well first of all you have to have a lot of muscles to throw really far. See?" she asked as she raised her arm and flexed her small biceps for Sammy to view. The blonde boy nodded his head sagely as he gave her all his attention. Puck glanced toward Rachel and he could see her smiling at the exchange. As if she could feel his eyes upon her she turned and gave him a slight smirk before winking at him and gently placing her small hand on his own bicep. He heard her whisper, "Lovely arms", and he chuckled and flexed his own bicep discreetly under her gentle touch. He held in his laughter as he returned his attention to the half-siblings and their current conversation.

"Let me see your muscles," the nearly ten-year old girl demanded of the four-year old.

He lifted his right arm and clenched his fist tightly in the same way he'd watched her, but he looked disappointed when it seemed to produce no difference in the size of his upper arm. Abby reached forward and gently squeezed his bicep, her face serious as she felt for the muscle. "Well, they're there," she replied as she pulled her hand away. "They're just small Sammy. The way you need to make them bigger is you have to eat all the vegetables your mom gives you and you have to practice. I bet Puck would throw the ball with you and he'll show you how to do a push up. That will make your muscles big and you'll be able to throw the ball really far." She finished with a nod and a smile as she finally turned toward Puck.

"Hey Puck," she smiled as she walked up to him with a smile on her face. "Did we do the restaurant proud?"

Puck laughed as he pulled her into a quick hug and released her. "Always." He tried hard to keep the emotion from his voice, but he could tell that Rachel had heard it. "Ace, I wanted you to meet an old friend of mine. I think the last time your parents and I mentioned that we knew her you were skeptical."

"Oh my God, you're Rachel Berry!" the young girl squealed. "You're Rachel Berry!" she repeated in shock.

Rachel laughed softly. "I am. And you're Abigail Ellison," she said as she held out her hand for the young girl to shake. "We've actually met before, but you don't remember because you were just a baby. It's wonderful to see you again Abigail. You did really well out there today. Noah will tell you that I really don't know very much about baseball or really any sports for that matter, but I do recognize excellence when I see it and you, my dear, are an excellent athlete."

Abby giggled and then smirked at Puck. "She calls you Noah." The comment came out sounding like a mixture of a question and a bit of teasing and Puck quirked his eyebrow at the young girl. He couldn't believe she was teasing him, but at the laugh that burst forth from Rachel he really didn't care anymore. "And he calls you Ace," Rachel commented with a chuckle. Abby smiled. "My initials," she answered, "Abigail Claire Ellison." Rachel nodded her head in understanding. "Noah likes to give nicknames. He calls himself Puck, Sammy here is Little Man I've noticed, and I've had a few different ones over the years. Isn't that right Noah?" Puck shrugged his shoulders with an impish grin. "Guilty as charged," he answered.

They all visited for a moment and then the subject of lunch was brought up and it was quickly decided that the three Limaites should join the Ellison's for a celebratory pizza. They all piled into a booth at a local pizza shop and Puck relished the warm feeling that threatened to swallow him whole at the image of Abby and Sammy sitting side by side, Abby flanked by Sara and Drake and Sammy flanked by Rachel and himself. They all discussed the game for a while as Abby dissected her own performance looking for places for improvement even as the adults around her heaped praise upon her.

Soon the conversation evolved into other topics with Sara and Drake both showing interest in Rachel's life and career since they had last spoken with her. Puck was mildly surprised with how humble Rachel was as she downplayed her achievements, but he also realized that this adult version of Rachel Berry was much more humble and down to earth than the high school version, or even the college version for that matter. _I guess that's what heartbreak does to you_ he thought bitterly, but then forced his depressing thoughts quickly away as he was pulled back into the conversation when Drake asked how the restaurants were doing. They all spent an hour together, eating and talking and laughing and when it was over they hugged and made plans to see each other again in a month. "And next time try to bring Quinn also," Abby said with a smile before they all parted for their own vehicles.

Puck buckled Sammy into his booster seat before climbing into the driver's seat of his truck. As he pulled the seatbelt strap across his chest he noticed Rachel staring at her phone and biting her lip pensively. "What's up?" he asked with concern. "Did you get a text from Marcus?"

"Yeah, everything's fine," she answered. "Well, everything's the same." Rachel glanced out the window and then turned toward him to lock him in a gaze with her big brown eyes. "I've had such a wonderful day, Noah and meeting Abigail was such an amazing surprise. This is going to sound terrible, but I really don't want to go back to Lima right now."

Puck smiled reassuringly at her as he reached out to take her hand and squeeze it comfortingly. "That doesn't sound terrible Rachel. You deserve to have a little fun and having such a relaxing day will help rejuvenate you so you can deal with everything else."

"I was thinking," Rachel said tentatively as she glanced quickly back at Sammy in his booster seat as he waited patiently for them to leave the restaurant's parking lot, "maybe we could stay for a little while longer and go do something else."

"What did you have in mind?"

"Uncle Puck! Rachel! Look at me!" Sammy squealed with delight as he passed the couple once again on his trip around on the carousel. Rachel laughed and waved at the small blonde as he slowly disappeared from sight on his ceramic rhino.

"This is really nice of you Rachel. You're going to be his new favorite person."

Rachel smiled and looked up at Puck's profile as he continued to watch the carousel go round, waiting for Sammy to come back into sight. "Do you know how long it's been since I've been to the zoo? God, I think I was twelve, maybe thirteen. I'd watched a special on the Discovery channel about endangered species and it upset me so much that my dads thought they'd cheer me up by bringing me to Cincinnati so I could see the work the zoo does to ensure the propagation of endangered species even though they're not able to be in their natural habitats. The three of us had a wonderful day." Rachel sighed wistfully as she remembered the weekend spent with her fathers.

She felt Puck's warm hand encase her own that was resting on the railing separating waiting parents from their smiling children. Taking a deep breath Rachel decided to dive in to the conversation she'd spent most of the afternoon trying to figure out how to start. "So, um, Sammy mentioned something to me earlier that has me slightly concerned. I'm just not sure how to bring it up." She paused when Puck chuckled and squeezed her hand.

"I thought something had been bothering you. I just figured you'd talk about it when you were ready. You know, Rach, you can talk to me about anything."

Rachel nibbled nervously on her lower lip. "Sammy overheard a conversation you and Quinn apparently had. He was worried that you would get hurt falling off a wagon when I left." She saw Puck visibly wince at her words, but she didn't pause as she plowed ahead. "He didn't understand the euphemism and thought it was an actual wagon. In the one respect I thought it was important that you realize he hears more than you think and you and Quinn may want to be more careful about what you discuss within his auditory range. Mostly though, and you know it pains me to say this, but I share Quinn's concern. I'm not saying that I think I would have that amount of influence over your life, especially considering how many years we've been apart. But it feels to me as though we've made a lot of progress in our relationship in just a short amount of time and I obviously can't speak for you, but for me….for me having you back in my life has been amazing and to lose that again would be devastating. I just worry about you and I don't want you to relapse, because even though I wasn't here during the worst of it I know how hard you worked to pull your life together and I wouldn't want you to lose any of that progress."

Finally she took a breath and looked toward Puck to gauge his reaction. He was looking down at her with a soft smile playing across his lips and if she had to guess at what the look was in his hazel eyes she would have guessed it was adoration, with a mixture of something else that she hoped for but didn't want to admit just yet. "Rachel I'm going to tell you the same thing I told Quinn. You need to not worry about my addiction. Yes, when bad or stressful things happen it makes me crave a drink more than normal. What's different now is that I have tools and support to deal with those urges and I want to use those tools. I want to stay sober. I'm not going to let myself ruin everything that's good in my life the way I did before."

"And you're one of those things that's good in my life Rachel. I honestly never thought I'd get the chance to see you again, let alone to forge a friendship with you again, to...just be around you again. And yes, I know that eventually you're going to leave. You're going to go back to L.A., back to your career and your life, but that doesn't mean that we have to end. I'm not willing to lose our friendship again Rachel. You mean too much to me." The afternoon was warm but Rachel could feel her body heat up even more at the intensity of his gaze. She gently bit her lower lip and watched as his eyes quickly drifted down and watched as her tongue darted out to wet her lips. It was almost imperceptible as her body drifted toward him. She could see the desire in his eyes, the hazel irises becoming slightly darker as she tilted her head up and waited with anticipation and a little fear as he tentatively began to lower his lips toward hers. She felt her breath catch in her throat in anticipation.

"Uncle Puck, can I go again?"

Neither of them had realized the carousel ride had come to an end and the sudden appearance of Sammy beside them broke the tension that had built between them. Rachel stepped back and took a breath as she nervously ran her fingers through her hair.

"One more time Little Man," Puck answered as he led the boy back to the line. As Puck paid for Sammy's ride and lifted him up onto the animal he wanted for this ride Rachel used the opportunity to calm herself. They had almost kissed. Puck had almost kissed her. She had almost kissed him. She didn't know what she thought about that, but based on the electricity of excitement that was currently coursing through her body apparently she really liked the idea. By the time Puck returned to her side she had regained her composure and the moment between them had passed. They both waved at Sammy as he yelled for their attention and waved at them from the rhino he was seated on, once again. "He loves that rhino, doesn't he?" Rachel said with a smile.

"It's his favorite animal," Puck replied softly. Rachel cast a quick glance his way. Something had changed. In the time it had taken for Puck to get Sammy settled on the carousel and come back to her side he had suddenly become morose in some way. He seemed sad and she was worried that she had done something to upset him. She was about to ask when Puck began speaking again. His voice was almost monotone and it worried her at the same time that it entranced her. She knew that whatever he was going to tell her was incredibly difficult for him to say and he was trying to disconnect from the emotion it made him feel.

"Sammy was eighteen months old," he started quietly. "I was deep in denial about my problem and trying desperately to keep it hidden from everyone. It was a Saturday and I'd been drinking most of the day when I got a call from Quinn. She'd been called into the hospital for a shift. Her mom wasn't available and the Evans' were out of town. She couldn't find a sitter on such short notice and she needed me to watch Sammy. I was completely wasted. I should have told her. I should have said no. But I knew she needed me so I told her yes." Puck paused as he looked down at the ground and shook his head, running his fingers through his short dark hair as he composed himself.

"I main lined some coffee and chewed a box of Altoids before I got there, but honestly I think Quinn was in such a rush to not be late that she wouldn't have noticed if I'd had a bottle of Jack in my hand. It was already pretty late when I got there so all I really needed to do was feed him dinner, play a little and put him to bed. So that's what I did. But the house was so quiet and I started thinking about Sam…well it doesn't really matter what I was thinking about. I figured Sammy was asleep; that he'd be asleep all night. So I got a bottle of vodka that I had in my trunk and I had a shot and then another and another."

Rachel wanted desperately to comfort Puck in some way because she could see how difficult it was for him to share this with her. She wanted to reach out and hold his hand or offer a kind word, but instead she remained silent and she didn't move.

Puck swallowed hard as he readied himself to tell her everything. "I don't know when I passed out. I just remember coming to on the couch and I could hear him crying in his room. Just these tired little whimpering sounds coming from his room. I got to his room as soon as I could. He must have woken up while I was passed out. He must have cried for me, but I didn't hear him. So he tried to climb out of his crib himself. When I walked in his room," Puck shook his head as if trying to rid himself of the visual, "he was upside down, half his body on the floor, his little foot caught between the mattress and the wooden railing. I don't know how long he'd been there, how long he'd been crying for me. As soon as he saw me he started crying even harder. I got his foot free and it was all red and bruised. I wasn't sure if it was broken or not." Puck paused as he tried to clear his throat of the emotion threatening to choke him. Rachel finally reached her hand out and covered his as it grasped the railing tightly.

"Noah, I don't want to diminish what happened or how you feel about it in any way, but children get hurt. It's my understanding that at a certain age all children attempt to climb out of their cribs. Many parents have had similar accidents happen and I realize how you may feel worse because you weren't sober at the time, but honestly Noah these things happen."

Puck took a deep breath and glanced quickly toward Rachel. "Maybe, but that's not the worst choice I made that night. I'd sobered up a little, but I was still far too drunk to drive. I should have known better, but all I was thinking was that he could have a broken leg. So I put him in my truck and I drove him to the hospital. I had Quinn paged. She was completely calm through the whole thing. She comforted Sammy through the exam, made sure he held still during the x-rays, but I could see it. You know the look, the building rage behind those eyes, just waiting for the right moment to cut you to shreds. When we were sure that Sammy was okay and she'd gotten him to sleep she took me out of the room."

"I told her what happened. I apologized. She just stared at me as I tried to explain everything. I expected her to explode, you know, like in high school. She'd get so angry and then all of the sudden she'd let it all loose, an explosion of rage and angry words and tears, and then it would be over, like a storm you could weather. But she didn't explode. She didn't rage. She told me very calmly that as long as I was drinking she wouldn't let me near her son. She asked me how much we had to lose to alcohol for it to be enough. And then she walked away. I realized what I'd done; that I'd driven Sammy when I was drunk. I threw up in the men's room. That was the last time I had a sip of alcohol. I dumped every bottle I had stashed at home, I started going to AA meetings, I stayed away from Quinn and Sammy. I made sure I reached the six month mark before I even approached Quinn about seeing Sammy again. I wanted her to know she could trust me. I wanted her to know that I would never hurt Sammy again."

There were tears in his eyes when he turned to Rachel and locked onto her own tearful gaze. "I'm never going to drink again, Rachel. I can guarantee you that."

"Mama! Mama! Look what Rachel got me!" Sammy yelled as he jumped from Puck's arms and ran across the green lawn toward Quinn. Rachel saw the warm, loving smile spread across the blonde's face as she watched her young son hurtle toward her. Rachel took a cleansing breath and then slowly let herself out of the truck and stood hesitantly on the edge of the lawn as she watched Puck walk behind Sammy carrying in his arms what Sammy was so excited about.

"What is this?" Quinn laughed after she gave her son a tight hug, relishing the feel of his warm body in her arms after not seeing him all day. She looked at the large stuffed rhinoceros in Puck's arms. It was almost the size of a large dog and there was no way her small son would even be able to carry it by himself without tripping all over the place. She looked toward Rachel and saw her standing nervously beside Puck's truck. She seemed unsure of herself and it felt odd to Quinn to see the brunette in such a state. She gave her a reassuring smile and then asked her son, "Did you tell Rachel thank you for the gift?"

Sammy suddenly left her side and ran back across the short distance toward Rachel. The young boy didn't stop when he reached her; instead he flung his arms around her legs and clung to the surprised brunette. "Thank you Rachel," he said as she reached down and gently ran her fingers through his blonde curls. "You're very welcome Sammy. And thank you for a wonderful day," she replied with a smile. Just as quickly as he was by her side he was once again back across the lawn and excitedly telling his mother all about his day.

"Mama, Aunt Cedes said she wants a girly night and she gives you a hug and a kiss. Oh and Abby did awesome at her game and they won and then we went to have pizza and I got to sit by Abby and I had two pieces of pepperoni pizza. Oh and then Rachel didn't want to come home yet because she was having so much fun so we went to the zoo and they let me ride on the carousel three times," he held up three of his fingers for emphasis, "and then we went and saw the rhinos and the monkeys and the wolves and the lions and it was so awesome. And when we went to see the lions Rachel sang the song from _The Wizard of Oz_ that talks about lions and tigers and bears and she and Uncle Puck held hands like almost the whole time." During his entire recounting of his day Quinn had kept her attention focused solely on her exuberant son, but at that little confession she glanced up at the two adults to see that Rachel had finally moved further into the yard and was standing beside Puck. A small smile quirked across the blonde's face as she saw a slight blush color Rachel's cheeks and a happy smirk flash across Puck's.

Quinn's attention was pulled back toward her son as he continued his story. "And then Mama, we got flavored ices. Uncle Puck got red flavor and Rachel got purple flavor and I got blue flavor and Rachel said we were like half of a rainbow. It was funny. And then we went to the gift shop and Rachel said I could pick one thing, whatever I wanted and there were so many things, but when I saw the rhino that was all I wanted. Uncle Puck said it was too expensive but Rachel said she had told me I could have anything I wanted and she wasn't going to break a promise and then she did this thing where she crossed her arms like this," at that the boy reenacted the stance Rachel had apparently taken, "and she glared at Uncle Puck like this," and he lowered his brow and glared defiantly for his mother, "and then Uncle Puck got scared and said okay and that she could deal with you when you thought it was too much." The young boy finally stopped when he realized that his mom was laughing so hard that she had tears in her eyes.

When Quinn finally gained control of herself she turned toward the now nervous brunette. "Rachel," she said with a soft smile, "it is an extravagant gift, but I thank you very much for treating my son to such a special day. I can't even express to you how much I appreciate it."

Rachel nodded, her own soft tentative smile flitting across her face. "It was truly my pleasure Quinn. Sammy is a wonderful little boy and I greatly enjoyed his company today."

Quinn smiled in return and then turned to Puck and let a breath out that she hadn't even realized she'd been holding. "What do you say we get this beast inside?" she asked as she reached for the rhino still clutched in his hands.

Puck laughed and moved toward the front door to take the rhino into the house and put it in Sammy's room. As he brushed by Quinn he whispered a soft, "thank you", before continuing to the porch. As his foot crossed the threshold he heard a sharp gasp behind him and turned to see what had happened. His gaze instantly took in Rachel's stiff posture as she looked down at the phone clasped in her hand and he felt a tightness constrict his chest. "Rach, what's happened?" he asked as he set the stuffed rhino inside the door and quickly moved back across the lawn to her.

Rachel raised her eyes and he nearly stopped in his tracks at the tears welling up in her soft brown eyes. She held up her phone to him as if that would explain why there were suddenly tears streaming down her face. "Noah," she whispered huskily, "Daddy woke up."

**A/N: I just want to thank everyone who's stuck with this story even though I'm not very regular with updating. I am working on the next chapter, but for some reason I'm having difficulty with it and have already deleted and rewrote huge chunks of it. However, considering it's the second to the last chapter I want to give it the time it deserves and make sure that it's exactly how I want it to be so hopefully you'll be patient with me. Thank you to everyone who continues to read, review, favorite, and alert. It truly is remarkable that there are strangers out there willing to read what I write. **

**As to what happened in this chapter, I hope you guys aren't too angry at Puck. This actually happened to my nephew except that no one was drunk and he didn't dangle there for long and within the week he had a toddler bed, also his foot was fine. I hope that I made it clear that the true reason Quinn and Puck himself were so upset was because he drove Sammy while intoxicated even after what happened to Sam, and not because the boy did what toddlers do. Also, I don't live in Ohio so everything I've put in here about the state and the cities mentioned has come from my imagination or the internet. There is actually a carousel at the Cincinatti Zoo, but I couldn't find any pictures of it on the website so I imagined what I think a cool carousel would be at a zoo. How cool would it be to ride a lion or a rhino? Awesome, right?**


	15. Chapter 15

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee.**

**A/N: So this is the second to the last chapter. I already have the last chapter completed, I wanted to have it all done before I uploaded anymore because I felt bad for the long intervals between updates. I only have time to upload this chapter right now because I actually need to get to work so I'll post the final chapter tonight. Also, I received notice the other day that the prequel to this story, "Between Friends and Lovers" was nominated for a Puckleberry Award over on LiveJournal. I don't know any details because honestly nothing like this has ever happened to me and I don't even have anything posted on LiveJournal, although I created an account just to read things. Anyway, I just wanted to say thank you to everyone because that's like, seriously, wow and I just never expected that story to be so well received. So thank you and I hope you all enjoy how this one ends.**

**CHAPTER FIFTEEN**

By the time they reached the hospital and made it to the corridor that would lead to Daniel's room Rachel had worked herself up into a nervous mess. Her elation at seeing the text from her dad saying that her daddy had awakened was tempered by her concern over what condition she would find him in once she arrived. When she and Puck spotted Marcus standing in the hallway they each broke into a slow jog. "Dad?" Rachel questioned nervously as she took comfort in her father's waiting arms.

"The doctor is in there right now," Marcus said as he gave Puck a grateful smile over the top of the brunette head currently buried against his chest.

"What happened?" Rachel asked as she pulled herself out of the embrace but remained close enough for Marcus to keep an arm wrapped around her.

"I was just sitting there reading aloud to him and holding his hand when I thought I felt his hand twitch. I pushed it aside because there've been so many other times I thought I felt movement and it was just my imagination. I guess I'd grown to expect that it was just wishful thinking, but then he squeezed my hand." Marcus smiled with tears shining in his eyes. "He really squeezed my hand and I looked up and he was looking at me with those beautiful soft brown eyes and I just stared at him for a moment I was just so shocked. Then I dropped the book and got a nurse and texted you and they've been in there ever since. They asked me to stay out while they did a few tests."

"What kind of tests do you think they're doing?" Rachel asked worriedly. Before anyone could answer her the door slowly swung open and her father's neurologist, Dr. Michaels stepped into the hallway.

"How is he?" Marcus asked anxiously.

Dr. Michaels smiled reassuringly at the worried group. "He's awake and I have to say he's doing much better than I expected. I ran a few simple neurologic and cognitive tests and there doesn't appear to be any serious damage at this time, however I want to do more extensive testing tomorrow morning. We're going to give him the night to rest and recover a little from the shock of waking up after two months in a coma and since the tests will take hours to complete I thought it would be best to just get a fresh start in the morning."

"So can we still stay the night with him?" Rachel asked the hope evident in her voice.

"You may, but I would like to warn you all that while it seems that Daniel should have plenty of energy because he's been seemingly asleep for the last couple months, a coma is different than sleep and he still needs his rest to fully recover. If he needs to sleep, let him sleep. Try not to push him for too much too quickly, mentally or emotionally, at least until we can run the more thorough tests. I'll be back in the morning and in the meantime just enjoy the fact that he's turned a corner and things appear to be looking up."

"Thank you so much Dr. Michaels," Marcus said as he shook the man's hand before they all headed for the door of Daniel's room.

Marcus was the first one through the door and he quickly made his way to the far side of the bed. "Daniel", he choked out through the tears now traveling down his face as he gripped his husband's hand tightly. Daniel smiled weakly and let the tears slowly flow from his own eyes as he gazed up at his husband.

"Daddy," Rachel cried as she slowly made her way to the other side of the bed and carefully laid her head down against the slight man's shoulder. Her tears increased when she felt her father's warm hand shakily move up her arm and caress her hair slowly as he husked out, "Hey Princess," from a dry throat.

"Would you like some water Daddy?" Rachel asked with concern. When Daniel nodded his head in affirmation Puck grabbed the plastic cup on the side table before anyone else had a chance to move and walked into the bathroom to fill it with water. He waited as Rachel carefully tipped the cup to Daniel's lips and let him take a few sips until he signaled he was done for now. Rachel set the cup down and automatically reached for Puck's hand, keeping him close to her.

Daniel looked questioningly at the gesture and then turned slightly to look at Marcus before he asked, "Did I reverse Rip Van Winkle?" When everyone gave him a confused look he gestured toward Rachel and Puck and said, "I woke up and it's ten years ago."

Everyone gave a soft chuckle when they finally understood what he'd been referring to. Rachel turned grateful eyes on Puck. "Noah and I have put the past behind us Daddy. We've had an opportunity to talk about things and I've chosen to forgive him for his indiscretions and we are now forging a new friendship based upon the maturity we've attained as adults and a mutual respect for each other."

"Also that bed is a time machine," Puck quipped with a smirk.

They spent the evening talking about anything and everything. Just the fact that Daniel was awake and carrying on a conversation with them was enough to fill the group with a feeling of elation. There were moments when he seemed to grasp for words and a few times what he said made absolutely no sense, but they all chose to overlook it because his eyes were open and his voice was saying things and it really didn't matter to them in that moment if it made sense or not. He was awake and it was everything they had prayed for. The first time Daniel dozed off it felt as if they were all holding their breath, waiting to see if he would wake up again. When he did they all breathed a sigh of relief. Puck left a few hours later giving Marcus, Daniel, and Rachel some time alone.

Monday morning came quickly. Rachel and her fathers watched her taped interview with Mercedes and they all felt it went well. Because it had been taped rather than airing live it was able to be incorporated into many Fox affiliate broadcasts and before Rachel knew it her Twitter account was blowing up with well wishes from fans. The previous evening had been sobering for their family and it was nice to have so many people wishing her daddy well.

Dr. Michaels wasn't kidding when he said the tests they were going to run would be extensive. They took most of the day and when they were concluded he sat them all down to give them the diagnosis. There was brain damage. It was minimal, but was still present. It appeared to affect his speech the most. The way the doctor had described it was that there was a disconnect between what Daniel's brain was saying and what came out of his mouth. When the Berry's asked if there was anything that could be done to fix the damage the doctor's answer was rehabilitation. Daniel would need to be in physical therapy for a while anyway due to his lack of movement over the last two months. The rehabilitation he would need would focus on helping his mind to fix the connections that were damaged or to create new connections.

Rachel had texted Puck with the news and he had sent his sympathies, but he hadn't been to visit them at the hospital since Saturday and she was now feeling worried. From the moment she had asked him to stay that first time in the hospital he hadn't missed an entire day of seeing them. Even if it had just been for a short visit she had seen Puck every single day. She could now freely admit to herself that not only had she missed seeing him yesterday, but that she was worried about why he wouldn't have come to the hospital to see her. Had she done something to upset him?

She had decided that she wasn't going to wait around for Puck to come see her. After telling her fathers she would see them later she got in her rental car and headed toward Puck's house. Rachel was relieved to see Puck's truck in the driveway when she pulled up in front of the sky blue two-story house. As she walked to the front door along the cobblestone walkway she noticed that the lawn was simple but well maintained and she wondered if Puck did the work himself or if he hired a service to do it for him due to his schedule. A nervous energy rippled through her veins as she stepped onto the porch. This was the first time she'd been to Puck's house and she wasn't sure what to expect. Taking a quick breath to calm herself she rapped soundly on the door and waited for him to answer.

"Rachel," Puck said as he opened the door, his face showing surprise quickly followed by worry. "Did something happen? Is it Daniel?"

"No, everything's fine," she assured him quickly. "I just needed to talk to you and since you didn't come by the hospital yesterday or today I thought I would just come see you rather than waiting. I hope that's okay."

"Yeah, yes, of course it is," Puck said as he opened the door wider and motioned for her to come inside. "I'm sorry I wasn't able to make it to the hospital yesterday. I was actually in Cincinnati until just a couple hours ago."

"Really? We were just there." Rachel gave him a questioning look as she followed him into the house. Rachel stood at the edge of the foyer and took in her surroundings as Puck watched her. She had to admit that it wasn't what she'd expected. For one thing, it was clean. Not _Silkwood_ clean, just normal clean. Everything seemed to have its place and yet it felt lived in and comfortable. She could see Puck sitting in the dark leather arm chair with an iced tea on a Saturday afternoon reading the paper or watching a game on the large flat screen television that adorned the far wall. She turned to her right and could see over a high bar into the kitchen decorated in dark walnut and white and gray marbled granite. When she pictured herself cooking dinner in there, moving easily between the stainless steel appliances, opening and closing cupboards, calling to Puck to come help chop some vegetables, she quickly shut her eyes and focused back on the man still standing in front of her, an amused grin now playing across his face.

"Where did you just go?" he asked.

Rachel swallowed the fantasy quickly and flashed him a brief smile. "Nowhere. I was just admiring your home. It's very," she paused as she tried to find the appropriate word, "comfortable."

Puck took her hand and led her into the kitchen; gesturing toward the dinner table he offered her a seat as he went to one of the cupboards and pulled out a couple of glasses. "Would you like something to drink?"

Rachel nodded. "Some water would be nice." She watched as he pulled a filtered water pitcher from the fridge and began filling the two glasses. "So you didn't answer me. Why were you in Cincinnati again so soon after we were just there?"

Puck smirked as he handed her the glass and took a seat next to her, turning the chair so he could face her as they talked. "You didn't actually ask a question. You just stated that we had just been there."

"It was implied," she berated him playfully from behind the lip of the glass before she took a drink.

Puck laughed and Rachel couldn't still the elation that coursed through her body at the sound. She had always loved his laugh and felt that he didn't do enough of it. "I had some work I needed to catch up on and while Jack runs The Gold Star like a pro, I don't have a manager for Treble Clef yet so I needed some hands on time to make sure things are being done the way I want them. I've kind of been neglecting it and since it's in its restaurant infancy I need to be there more often than not."

Rachel nodded her head in realization. "Of course. I'm so sorry if I've kept you away from your business Noah. I would never want our friendship to be a detriment to everything you've worked so hard to build."

"It's not," Puck reassured her.

"Speaking of business," Rachel said as she ran her fingers along the side of the glass, suddenly feeling very nervous, "I, um, have some news. Daddy's going to be released from the hospital soon. The doctor said maybe as early as this Saturday."

"That's great!" Puck interrupted.

"Yes, I'm very relieved. But, um, since he is doing so much better then it appears I will be able to make the premiere of my movie after all. I talked to my dads and they are both insisting that I go. They don't want me putting my career on hold any longer. And, you know, I left L.A. in such a rush that a lot of things were left undone." Rachel laughed as she tried to make light of the fact that she was leaving Lima and for the first time in her life she really didn't want to. "I'm sure my cat thinks that the neighbor kid is her new person."

A look flashed across Puck's face, but it was gone before she could determine what it meant. She decided to just keep talking and tell him what her plans were. "I have a flight leaving Cincinnati tomorrow morning. I told Max I wouldn't be in until Wednesday so I'll have at least the afternoon to get my personal errands run before I'll be in meetings all the next day."

"Meetings?" Puck asked. His voice sounded distant to her, as if he weren't truly listening but was trying to give the impression that he was by latching on to the last thing he heard her say.

"Max doesn't know it yet, but I'm looking for new representation. This whole situation has shown me that I need someone who's going to be in my corner. Someone who wants the same things for me as I want for myself and who is going to fight for my best interests in order to attain our shared end goal. I don't think that Max is the right person for me anymore." Rachel waited for Puck's response but he didn't really give her what she'd been expecting. He hadn't been quiet about his dislike of Max and she had thought he'd be excited for her to finally be taking this step and cutting ties with someone that he felt wasn't good for her. Instead he just nodded his head absentmindedly.

"Friday's the premiere so I'll be attending that, but I want to be back when Daddy comes home from the hospital so I've already booked a 3 a.m. flight leaving LAX on Saturday morning. I'll be exhausted but it's worth it for me to be here for Dad and Daddy. I guess Daddy's going to have to use a wheelchair for a while so Dad's looking into getting a temporary ramp for the front steps and then he's going to move his office out of the downstairs room and make that their bedroom until Daddy can negotiate the stairs. That's going to be quite a chore so I definitely want to be here to help as much as I can."

Rachel took a breath and just stared at Puck as she watched him distance himself from her. A tightness began to form in her chest but she refused to let it take hold. Slowly she reached her hand across the space between them and said softly, "I was thinking maybe if you had time you might help us lift the heavy stuff." Her heart dropped into her stomach and tears sprung to the back of her eyes when, instead of taking her offered hand, Puck moved backward quickly and stood up. The sound of his chair scraping against the floor loudly made her flinch.

"Like I said before, I've been neglecting my businesses. I'll help out if I can, but I can't really guarantee anything." He turned his back to her as he spoke, as though it wouldn't hurt as much if he couldn't see her. Placing his glass in the sink he began to walk into the living room. Rachel watched him go, his back rigid, the muscles in his neck flexing as he tried to deal with whatever it was he was feeling. She didn't understand. She thought she'd made it clear that she would be coming back, that what they'd spent the last few weeks repairing was important to her and she wasn't going to just walk away from it. She set her jaw and rose from her seat as she stalked after him. This time would be different. This time she wasn't going to let him go so easily.

"What's going on?" she asked as she followed him into the living room.

She noticed the surprise in his eyes when he turned back to her. He had assumed she would leave. "I don't know what you mean," he said. Even to his own ears it sounded weak. She could see that in the way he diverted his eyes to the ground. She shook her head and chuckled softly. His head shot back up to look at her; his eyes confused and angry at her laughter.

"I'm not new to your ways Noah," she said at his unspoken question. "You don't think I can see you pushing me away? It's your modus operandi Noah. It's what you do. It's what you did when we were teenagers and you thought breaking up with me would be a good preemptive strike to the inevitability of you breaking my heart. It's what you did when you'd barely speak to me the week after Sam died. It's what you're doing now. You're distancing yourself because you don't want to get hurt, which frankly I don't understand because I thought I'd made it clear that I wasn't going to disappear again and that this relationship was important to me. We actually talked about it Noah and you said that you didn't want to lose what we had rebuilt. Tell me I didn't imagine that conversation." She had tried to remain calm as she spoke but her voice had risen to the point where she was almost yelling at him she was so desperate to fix whatever had changed.

Puck bit the inside of his cheek before finally speaking again. "You didn't imagine it. We decided that we would continue to work on rebuilding our friendship and I'm not going back on that. If I have the time I'll help Marcus with the ramp and moving stuff, of course I'll do that, and if we have a chance to hang out or whatever whenever you come back to visit then that's great too. You're my friend Rachel and I don't want to lose that again."

Rachel looked at him incredulously for a moment. She couldn't believe he was playing the friend card. "Bullshit." Puck looked shocked, but she didn't care. "That entire statement you just uttered was a pile of bullshit Noah and you know it. We're already friends again. I've forgiven you for sleeping with Quinn. I'm even making an effort to be civil to her because I know how much you love Sammy. I wouldn't be doing all of that if the only thing I wanted from you was friendship and you know it. Don't even try to pretend right now that the relationship we've been working on rebuilding was just our friendship because I know that you almost kissed me the other day and there's been touching and hand holding and," she was beginning to lose steam and couldn't think of what else there had been, but she knew it was more than friendship. She just knew it. "And looks, Noah! There have been looks from you that say a whole damn lot more than friendship!"

Puck rubbed his hands through his hair vigorously as he tried to maintain his calm. She was right and he knew it. There was no getting around the truth. "Alright fine!" he suddenly yelled back at her. "It's more than friendship, but friendship is all I can give you Rachel. And I'm sorry if I led you on or made you believe that we could have more, but I honestly never thought in a million years that we'd ever even be friends again so I wasn't really prepared to hide my feelings or even stay away from you. I know that's what I should have done. I should have just stayed away."

"Why?" she cried out in frustration. Tears threatened to fall from her eyes but she forced them back. She refused to cry right now. "Why is friendship all we get when we've had so much more? Maybe we can't get back exactly what we used to have, but I think we could find something better, something stronger if we just tried. We're older and wiser now Noah. We're not a couple of college kids trying to figure out how to keep a long distance relationship going. We're adults who have lived and been through heartache and loss and we understand ourselves and each other better now. Don't you think that could make us better? Why can't we have that Noah? Why can't we try?"

Puck clenched his jaw tightly before whispering, "We just can't."

Rachel sucked in a breath as if he'd punched her in the stomach. Her eyes darted around the room as if trying to find answers to the questions swirling through her mind. "Are you scared?" she suddenly asked. "Are you afraid that if you love like that again you'll get hurt? Because trust me Noah, I'm scared too. You better believe I'm scared. I've never felt pain like what I felt when I lost you; when you left me broken. But you know what I'm more afraid of? I'm more afraid that I'll never love anyone the way that I loved you. I've been so alone these last five years and it's not like I haven't dated or found anyone to spend time with, because I have. But none of them make me feel the way that you make me feel. None of them bring out the qualities in me that I love that you bring out. None of them are you Noah and I'm terrified that I'll spend the rest of my life comparing every relationship I have to the love I feel for you and nothing will measure up."

"Rachel," Puck breathed his voice husky with emotion. "I'm sorry."

"Don't," she cried, her voice shaking with unshed tears, "don't tell me you're sorry. Just tell me why. Give me a reason that we can't try again. Do you not love me?"

"I don't deserve you Rachel."

"Can you please get over that Noah? Stop concerning yourself with what you deserve or what I deserve. Don't we both deserve to be happy? Despite the miserable circumstances I've been the happiest I've been in the last five years these last few weeks with you. Do I make you happy Noah?" she asked as she slowly closed the space between them. Slowly, as if he were a wild animal and she was afraid she would startle him; Rachel raised her hands up and cupped his face. "Stop fighting it and be happy with me Noah."

Puck flinched and pulled away from her as if her touch had stung him. "Don't you get it?" he nearly screamed at her as he put distance between them again. "I don't deserve the happy ending Rachel! I don't get to get the girl of my dreams. I don't get to have the woman I love more than anything in the world. I don't get to grow old with her or share a life with her. I don't get to raise our children with her or watch our grandchildren play in the yard. I don't get any of that Rachel because I don't deserve it!"

"Why don't you deserve it?" she yelled back at him and this time he was so worked up and so emotional that the truth finally fell from his lips.

"Because Sam didn't get it!" he choked out through tears that had suddenly begun to stream down his face. "I took all of that away from him Rachel. I took the dreams, the potential for a life well lived. I took that from Sam, from Quinn, from Sammy. Why should I get the happy ending? Why should I get to love you and have you in my life when Sam doesn't get to have the same thing? Why should I get to hold you and make love to you when Sam will never be able to do that with the woman he loves? Why should I get to have children with you when Sam never got to hold Sammy?" Puck's chest heaved with sobs as he tried to breathe through the tears and the pain that he'd been holding in for so long. "I don't deserve to be happy when I took every chance he had at happiness away."

Rachel stood in shock as she watched Puck fall apart in front of her. She had thought that at some point he had dealt with his feelings of grief and guilt over Sam's death, but now as she watched him try desperately to gain control over his emotions she realized that was far from the case. Her heart ached for the man across from her who thought that he could somehow balance the universe by denying himself the life he wrongfully thought he denied his best friend. "Noah," she said quietly as Puck's breathing slowly returned to normal, "the accident wasn't your fault. You didn't take anything away from Sam. You weren't even driving."

When Puck finally raised his head to look at her she felt as if the pain in his eyes had literally pierced her heart. "But I was supposed to be," he whispered.

His words echoed through her mind and dropped like a stone in the bottom of her stomach. She felt heavy and nauseated all at the same time. "What?" she breathed out as she tried to make sense of what he'd said.

Puck brushed the tears from his eyes angrily. He hated that he'd lost control. He hated that he actually cried in front of Rachel. He hated more that he'd actually told her the truth; that he'd finally spoken aloud the secret he'd been holding onto for the last five years. His legs and arms suddenly felt like wet noodles and he dropped heavily to the couch and let his head fall against the back as he gazed at the ceiling. This was much better. Better than looking at Rachel and seeing the pain and disappointment in her eyes. As he spoke he realized his voice sounded strange, even to him, and he wondered how it sounded to her.

"We took turns being the designated driver. It was always the way we did it if it was just the two of us going out. Usually, if you or Quinn was out with us then we left it up to you two to stay sober because neither of you really ever drank anyway. But when it was just me and Sam we'd alternate. It was supposed to be my night to stay sober, but I was upset because you'd taken that stupid summer class." He forced himself to raise his head and look at her, "And no, I'm not blaming you. I'm just saying why I was mad that night." He let his head fall back as he continued, "So I started drinking. I thought a couple wouldn't hurt and I'd stop well before it was time to leave. But you know me; once I started I couldn't stop. Sam noticed I was drinking so he stopped and by the time we left that night he was stone cold sober and I was wasted." Puck felt the couch dip slightly and he rolled his head to the left as he realized that Rachel was no longer standing across the room, but that she had taken a seat beside him. Her legs were curled up underneath her as she sat facing him on the couch and he couldn't help thinking that she looked so much like her seventeen year old self in that moment.

He swallowed thickly as he continued. "Sam," he breathed out a shaky breath, "Sam was just Sam, you know. He made me realize how lucky I was to have someone like you in my life. We were talking about you and Quinn and he told me he'd asked her to marry him. I think he was expecting me to be hard on him about settling down so soon, but I guess it's a testament to how in love with you I am that I was just happy for him. I started thinking about how you'd look on our wedding day and how I'd want Sam to be happy for me. So I just told him that I was happy for him and he asked me to be his best man and then," Puck's voice trailed off as he tried to hold back the sob that was threatening to escape again. He was able to rein it in even though a few tears were still able to escape down the side of his face.

"We never saw it coming. There was just a bright light and then nothing. When I woke up I could see the red and blue flashing lights so I knew there was an ambulance or the police, but I was still pretty out of it. I could smell burnt plastic and hot wires. I tried to move but it hurt too much. It took me a minute to remember what had happened and even longer to force myself to look at Sam." Puck shook his head and let the tears fall freely as he remembered the horrible sight of his friend and brother, almost unrecognizable beside him.

"It all happened so fast. I never got a chance to tell him how important he was to me. I don't think I ever told him that I loved him. Like, not seriously." Puck paused as he felt Rachel's fingertips gently wiping the tears from his face, but he still couldn't bring himself to really look at her. "That's all I could see for days after the accident. When you came for the funeral and stuff and you were being so caring and trying to help me, I just couldn't say anything. All I kept thinking was how could you want to be with someone like me? How could you ever forgive me when I'd killed my best friend? What kind of a man was I? What life could I really give you? So I thought, I should just let you go. I figured you'd find someone else eventually. Someone who'd be worthy of you, but you just kept trying and being patient and then you walked into that room and I saw the look on your face and I thought, there, it's done. She'll never forgive you now."

Finally, Puck turned to face Rachel. Her brown eyes were bloodshot from crying and her face was wet with tears, but he could still see the love in her eyes and it blew his mind that this woman could still feel that for him after all that he'd told her. After all that he'd done to her. "When this all happened with your dads I honestly thought that I wouldn't see you. I thought I'd be able to keep my distance and that even if we ended up running into each other that it wouldn't matter because there was no chance in hell that you'd ever forgive me. But then there you were talking to me and needing me and then forgiving me and I wanted it all so much that I forgot that I wasn't supposed to have it." Rachel opened her mouth as if she were about to say something but Puck forged ahead, suddenly needing to say everything he'd been holding inside for so long.

"It's funny, don't you think, how just a few seconds can change your life forever. You think it's about the big decisions. Which college am I going to go to? What career am I going to pursue? Who am I going to marry? Should I buy this house? Am I ready to have kids? You know, the life altering decisions that you can spend weeks or months deciding on because you're thinking, this decision will affect the rest of my life. You don't think about the two second difference between being in or out of an intersection. But that's what it comes down to. If I hadn't made the choice to drink that night maybe we would have left sooner. Or maybe we would have left later. If I hadn't gotten drunk that night then I would have taken a different route because I'd be dropping Sam at home instead of the other way around and we would have never been in that intersection. Or even if I did take the same road, maybe it would have been those few seconds that we needed and Sam would be alive right now. He'd be happily married to Quinn and raising Sammy."

"Or maybe you'd be dead," Rachel finally spoke. Her voice startled him a little. He'd been so lost in his own thoughts, in his remembrances and his "what if" scenarios that he'd almost forgotten that he was actually talking to her; that she was listening to everything he was saying and she was Rachel Berry so of course she wouldn't remain silent forever. He held her gaze for a long moment, reading the pain and sadness in her eyes.

"Maybe that would have been better." He registered the fear in her eyes at his statement, but it was quickly followed by a desperate anger he'd never seen on her.

"Don't you ever say that Noah Puckerman," she hissed angrily at him. "Don't you ever say that again." She couldn't stop the tears from falling in a fresh wave at the thought that Puck thought it would have been better if he'd been the one to die that night. "You don't think the "what if's" have plagued me? And now to know that it could have happened; that it could have been you driving that night." She took a shaky breath as she wiped the tears from her cheeks. "You know how dramatic I can be so don't even act like you don't know that I played every possible outcome of that night through my mind a hundred times. But you know what I've learned in the last five years? It doesn't matter. All of the "what if's", all of the second-guessing and the "if only I'd done this", none of it matters because it's not what happened and no one can change it."

She moved closer to him on the couch and once again she reached out to cup his face in her hands, but this time he didn't flinch away. This time he let her hold him and force his eyes to look into hers. "Sam is dead," she choked out, "and it's horrible, but it's not your fault. And it's not Sam's fault. No matter who drove that night or at what time you two left that party or where you were going it wouldn't have changed the fact that some stranger neither of you knew decided to get in his car and drive home after drinking all night at a bar."

"You're right about some things Noah. We spend so much time trying to make the right decisions for our lives because we know how important they are. Every path we take is a multitude of other paths we leave behind. But we know that and so we try to make decisions to push our life in the direction we want, but sometimes those paths intersect with random strangers who are making their own choices and they impact us in a kind of hit-and-run fashion. That man changed all of our lives that night with the decision _he_ made and yet he doesn't have to pick up the pieces of what he left behind. It's horrible and it's unfair, but it's just the way it is Noah and we can either wallow in our own misery and stop traveling the path we've chosen for ourselves or we can forge ahead and make new paths."

"So yes, I agree with you. Sometimes the decisions that inform our lives aren't necessarily the big ones that we worry over. Sometimes they're not even decisions that we made. But where I wholeheartedly disagree with you is with this idea you have that you don't deserve to have your dreams come true because Sam can't have his anymore. You did nothing wrong. You are _not_ responsible for Sam's death. Do you honestly think that if it had been the other way around and Sam had survived the accident," she breathed deeply and closed her eyes against the pain of the knowledge that it could have so easily been Puck instead, "that he would have given up Quinn? Do you think he would have told her he couldn't marry her or raise Sammy with her because you would never have that?"

Rachel waited as she let her words sink into Puck. She could see him struggling with so many things, his guilt, his grief, his desires, and she wanted to push him. She wanted to shake him and tell him to just let it all go and be with her, but she needed him to come to the conclusion on his own. She needed him to let go of all of that baggage so they could be free to move forward _together_.

He knew she was right. It didn't take away the guilt he felt, but he knew she was right. It wouldn't have mattered who had driven that night. What mattered was that Sam died and now they all had to live with that, or more accurately without him. Puck let himself think about his best friend for a moment. He hadn't truly allowed himself that in a long time; to really think about Sam and who he was. In his mind he could see Sam asking him if he had a landscaper cutting his hair right after he'd asked Sam if his mom knew Mic Jagger. He replayed their Senior Prom when he'd held Rachel so close as they swayed together on the dance floor and he'd glanced over her shoulder in time to see Sam with the dopiest, most love struck smile on his face as he twirled Quinn away and then back into him. He could still hear all of their laughter mingled together as they goofed around at the lake. He saw Sam's beaming smile as he spoke of Quinn and told Puck he was lucky to have found someone like Rachel who was willing to put up with all his shit.

Suddenly his eyes focused on the woman still sitting beside him, her hands warm on his face, her body curling against his side and he realized that once again he was being a complete idiot. He'd promised himself that if he ever had a chance with her again he wouldn't let it go and yet here he was trying to push her away out of some misguided sense of loyalty to a friend that would have wanted him to grab any kind of happiness he could find and just hold onto it.

Rachel saw determination flash in Puck's eyes and then his fingers were wrapping around her wrists and an instant flash of fear swept through her because she thought he was about to pull her hands from his face and tell her to leave. Except he didn't. His thumbs grazed softly against the inside of her wrists and his hazel eyes grew dark as he whispered to her.

"I'm sorry I'm an idiot. I'm sorry I tried to push you away and I want to thank you for not letting me. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me Rachel and if I ever let you go again I'd never forgive myself. Sam would never forgive me, especially for using him as an excuse to be miserable. I have loved you for what feels like forever. I never stopped loving you and I'm so sorry that I've hurt you and that I keep seeming to hurt you, but I promise you if you give me a chance I'll spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to you."

The smile that lit up her face nearly split her cheeks apart. A nervous laugh escaped her lips as she realized she'd been holding her breath. "I'm not a little girl anymore Noah. I don't believe in happily ever after. We're going to fight and it's going to be hard," she breathed in and let her breath out slowly as her twinkling brown eyes held his gaze, "but some things are worth fighting for. And you have more appreciation for things you work hard for. There are definitely easier paths for me to choose, but I've always had an amazing work ethic and who I am when I'm with you is worth whatever we have to do to get it. I love you Noah Puckerman."

In the next instant his hands were in her hair pulling her to him and their lips were crashing together. It was messy and needy and wonderful. She had forgotten how much she loved kissing him, but he didn't seem to have forgotten how to turn her on in an instant. His teeth nipped at her bottom lip and she moaned into his mouth as their tongues slipped along each other. It felt as if her entire body had suddenly been lit on fire as she moved to straddle him on the couch, her hands trailing down from his face along his arms to the hem of his t-shirt that she was quickly pushing up to feel his hot skin under her fingertips, the muscles of his abs clenching as he pulled her closer.

"Oh God, Noah, I've missed you," she breathed out huskily as he nipped and licked his way down her neck. He pulled away briefly to remove his shirt that she had continued to bunch up as she tried to touch more of his skin. She whimpered when his hands squeezed her hips and then moved to cup her ass and grind her against him.

"I'm so in love with you Rachel," he husked as he claimed her lips once again and she melted inside at his words and his hands, and oh God, just his body. How she loved this man. "I love you Noah," she whispered against his mouth as she pushed her tongue past his lips and traced the roof of his mouth. Suddenly she felt him lean forward and she was being lifted into the air. Instinctively she wrapped her legs around his waist as she felt him carry her down the hallway. When they reached the door to what she assumed was his bedroom he rested her against the wall as his hips ground into her a couple times. When he pulled back his eyes were dark.

"When's your flight in the morning?" he asked as he placed wet kisses along her jawline.

"Um, 7 a.m.," Rachel stuttered out as she gripped his earlobe gently between her teeth before sucking on it, relishing the moan from his throat and the thrust of his hips against her as she did so.

"I'm sorry."

"Why?" she asked him, her brow rising questioningly before his muscular arms lifted her easily once again and moved them through the doorway.

"Because you're going to be so fucking sore and tired tomorrow," he growled as he threw her on the bed, laughing as she squealed when he quickly followed her there.


	16. Epilogue

**A/N: Wow, I feel a little sad. This is the end of this story. I hope you all have enjoyed it. I certainly have enjoyed writing it. Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to read, alert, favorite, and review. It is amazing to me that anyone would even want to take the time to read anything I've written so I appreciate the time you've spent with this story. I hope that it has lived up to your expectations and that you've enjoyed it.**

**APPROXIMATELY FIVE YEARS LATER**

"Uncle Puck, can I have a juice?"

Puck pulled his attention away from the large window and turned toward the nine-year old blonde boy standing beside the dark oak juice bar. The VIP booth was large and opulent and they had requested that all alcohol be removed from the room to be replaced with juice, soda, and water. The stadium staff had been eager to comply and so far everything about the day was going smoothly. He knew that somewhere in the bowels of the stadium a group of people would be fussing and preening over a certain brunette and he only hoped that things were going as smoothly for her.

"Yeah Sammy, you can have some juice," Puck answered with a smile. As soon the blonde boy opened the door to the chiller another small voice spoke up from the corner of the room with a "juice, juice" causing Puck's smile to spread even further as he turned his head to watch the small two-year old pull himself up from the blanket that had been spread out on the plush carpet. "Could you get JP a juice too Sammy?"

"What would you like JP?" the young blonde asked as he pulled out a grape juice for himself and set it aside. "There's apple or orange or grape", he listed off for the little boy.

JP looked up with a smile and repeated, "Juice pease," while reaching his hand out toward the older boy.

Puck laughed and advised, "Just give him apple Sam. It'll stain the least." He watched as the young boy removed the straw from its plastic wrapping and slipped it into the apple juice container. A feeling of love and pride washed over him as Sammy carefully handed the juice box to JP, not letting go until he was certain that the young boy had it gripped firmly in both his hands. "What do you say JP?" Puck softly reminded.

"Tatu," the boy said in his version of "thank you" before biting down on the straw to hold it in place and sucking harder than was really necessary to get the apple juice into his mouth. Puck laughed and grabbed a napkin from a table that held a variety of platters containing fruit, vegetables, meats, cheeses, and crackers. Leaning down he gently wiped the apple juice currently dribbling down his son's chin. "Take it easy there buddy. You don't have to drink it all at once."

He ruffled the boy's soft brunette hair as he rose to his feet. He let the boys entertain themselves as he wandered back toward the large window and nervously rubbed his hands together as he watched the stadium fill with excited fans. Once again his mind started to wander toward the brunette housed somewhere a few floors below them. When they'd arrived today Rachel had immediately been swept away by a group of what he'd come to call "talent handlers" while he and the boys had been directed to the VIP lounge they were currently inhabiting.

Puck turned as he heard the door open and he smiled when he heard the excited squeal of his son as he ran across the room toward the two men being shown through the door. "Papa! Gampa!" he said as Marcus lifted him into the air and gave him a tight hug.

"How's Papa's little man, huh?" Marcus smiled as he kissed the little boy's soft round cheek. The two-year old just giggled happily and then turned toward his grandpa when Daniel asked, "Hey, what about my hugs?" JP laughed and reached his arms out waiting to be taken into his other grandfather's arms. Marcus gently handed the boy over; making eye contact with his husband to be sure he had him before releasing his hold. When he felt a small arm wrap around his leg he looked down to see the blue eyes of Sammy Evans gazing up at him with a smile on his face.

"Hello there young Samuel," Marcus said as he gave the young boy a hug. "How are you doing today?"

"I'm good Uncle Marcus. I'm really excited for today I just wish my mom and Jason could have been here, too."

"That would have been fun, but I'm sure they're enjoying their honeymoon right now. How long are you going to be staying with your Uncle Puck and Aunt Rachel?"

"Two weeks, but Mom's been calling every night to say goodnight and stuff. She says she doesn't want me to forget her, like that was even possible."

Marcus chuckled and then reached over to help Daniel set a wiggling JP back on the ground. It had been a slower recovery than any of them had expected. Years of physical therapy and rehabilitation had finally resulted in bringing Daniel almost completely back to the way he was before the accident, but he still had occasional weakness in his left side so when he lifted their grandson they were all careful to make sure he didn't try to do more than he was capable of.

The group of men slowly made their way toward the soft leather couch after greeting each other with handshakes and one-armed hugs. Sammy took JP over to the bag of toys they'd brought along and pulled out some blocks to play with together while the three men sat together and talked. "So you two have Sammy for two weeks?" Marcus asked as he glanced over toward the two boys playing. He smiled when he saw how gentle and caring Sammy was toward the toddler.

"Yeah." Puck smiled as he thought about the small wedding they had all attended just a few days ago. Simply dating Jason had been a huge step for Quinn, but when it was obvious things were going to progress further she had struggled with the decision. She hadn't wanted Sammy to think that she was trying to replace his father, but the young boy loved the man who had somehow found a place in her heart and she discovered she had nothing to really worry about. When she had first started seeing the young new surgeon at the hospital Puck had encouraged her to go for it. She had closed her heart off for long enough and moving on didn't mean she didn't love Sam or that she was betraying his memory. Puck had assured her that above all else Sam would want her to be happy and if Jason Walker made her happy then she shouldn't hold back. They were now honeymooning in Cabo San Lucas for two weeks.

They watched the teams take the field and do their warm-ups and soon Puck noticed a bustling of people on the sidelines and realized the game would be starting soon. "JP. Sammy. Come over here, the game's going to start soon," he called to the boys. As his son walked over to him and held up his arms to be held Puck couldn't help thinking how beautiful his little boy was. Rachel had been relieved that he didn't have her nose and Puck loved that he had his mother's eyes. Big, brown, expressive eyes that could melt your heart. Disciplining him was already beginning to prove to be a problem, surprisingly more for him than for Rachel.

"Mama! Mama!" JP called out as he pointed toward the jumbo sized screen across from them. Puck looked and sure enough there was Rachel with a beaming smile on her face as she prepared for her introduction and to walk out onto the field. None of them had to wait long as the announcer's voice suddenly came over the speakers.

"Ladies and gentlemen welcome to the opening game of the 2025 World Series. Tonight will be a battle between the National League Champions San Diego Padres and your American League Champion Cleveland Indians!" He made sure to emphasize the Cleveland Indians part since they were after all in Cleveland. "And now, to represent us in the singing of our National Anthem, please welcome Grammy and Tony award winning Broadway star, Academy Award nominated actress, and Ohio native Rachel Berry!" The crowd erupted with cheers as Rachel walked toward the portion of the field set up for her performance. Puck breathed a sigh of relief when he noticed the size and amount of security guards flanking his wife. He held their son closer as JP grew more and more excited at the sight of his mother. "I know son, ssshh," Puck hushed him softly, "Mama's going to sing now."

As Rachel's voice filled the air Puck felt as if he'd been punched in the stomach and traveled back in time. Suddenly it was fifteen years ago and they were teenagers and she was standing in Lima, Ohio singing the National Anthem for her father's 4th of July company picnic. He felt his chest tighten and he fought back the emotions that flooded his body as he remembered how that seventeen year old boy had felt about the sixteen year old brunette. Not much had really changed except the feelings were stronger. They were deeper, rooted in mended hearts and everyday life; in a son that would join them forever.

As she held onto the last note and the crowd erupted once again Puck turned to see that both of her fathers had tears in their eyes and he smiled. Daniel had been preparing her for this moment every year since she was a child. They'd all known she'd make it, but only Puck knew that she'd spent the last month in the private recording studio he'd converted from an old shed at the back of their house practicing this song. He had tried to reassure her that she'd be great by telling her that it would be the most memorable National Anthem ever, but that had not gone over well. He chuckled as he remembered how she'd whirled wildly at him, her eyes wide and bright with concern. "I don't want it to be memorable Noah. The only time anyone remembers the National Anthem is when someone forgets the words or it's sung so terribly they wish they could plug their ears."

Puck watched her smile and wave with one arm as she made her way back off the field surrounded by security. He smiled again when he noticed her hand clutched softly over her belly and he knew what she was thinking about in that moment. She wasn't showing yet, but they'd found out a few weeks ago that they were expecting again. They were waiting to get through the first trimester before they told anyone because they'd learned the hard way that sometimes it was easier to wait to tell people you were pregnant than to tell them and then have to announce to the world that they'd miscarried. She would be ending her run in her current Broadway show in just a couple months, so the timing couldn't be more perfect for her to take a break from everything. With the three restaurants he now ran doing so well there really was no need for her to be working all the time anyway.

He was distracted from thinking about their future plans when JP tugged at the hand wrapped firmly around him and said, "Daddy, cheese."

"Are you hungry JP?" he asked as he set his son back down on the floor and he immediately made his way over to the table filled with snacks. "Sammy do you want me to put together a plate of food for you too?"

"No thanks, Uncle Puck. I can get it when I'm hungry. I'm too excited for Aunt Rachel to come up here. She hasn't even got to see where we're sitting yet and she promised me that if she was able to meet any of the players before she sang that she'd try to get me an autograph."

"Well I'd be excited too if she'd offered that for me," Puck said as he put a few pieces of fruit and a small slice of cheese on a plate for JP. The food was all but forgotten when the door swung open and a breathless and blushing Rachel entered the room in a flurry of excitement.

"Aunt Rachel!" Sammy yelled as he ran to give her a hug at the same time that JP began running as fast as his little legs would carry him to his mother. "You were so awesome Aunt Rachel. It was way cool and these seats are so cool. And they have tons of different juices and sodas. JP had an apple juice and I had a grape juice and then we were playing with the blocks, but JP just likes to knock them down." Sammy paused as Rachel released him from the hug she was giving him and then lifted her laughing son up into her arms. She laughed at the young boy whose exuberance hadn't lessened over the years, but had become slightly more controlled.

"Thank you for your compliment Samuel. I'm glad you're enjoying yourself." She smiled down at the blonde boy and then gave him a surprised look as if she'd just remembered something. Slipping her bag off her shoulder she rested it on the floor as she threw a quick glance toward Puck. He smiled at her as he recognized the twinkle in her eyes. "There are a few things in there for you," she told Sammy as she turned her attention back to her son.

"How's Mama's little star?" she cooed at him as she placed kisses all over his face. JP giggled and pulled back as if he didn't love it when his mother kissed him. "Joshua Evan Puckerman!" Rachel exclaimed as if her feelings were truly hurt by her son's refusal to give her a welcoming kiss. "You give your mama a kiss!" The boy giggled and then leaned forward and planted a wet kiss on her lips.

"Oh wow!" Sammy exclaimed as he pulled t-shirts and hats and balls out of the bag Rachel had placed on the floor. "Look JP, this shirt is your size," he said as he held up the small Indians t-shirt.

"Ball!" JP exclaimed as he saw the baseballs within the mixed bag of swag and Rachel laughed as she gently placed her wriggling son on the ground to play with Sammy and the things she'd been given as part of the perks for her performance.

"Dad. Daddy." Rachel smiled as she entered the room more fully and gave each of her fathers a hug. "You were fabulous sweetie," Daniel said as he gave her a kiss on the cheek. "Absolutely marvelous princess," Marcus agreed. Rachel blushed at their compliments and smiled. "Thank you both. I have to say it was one of the most nerve wracking performances of my life. I tried to forget that I only had one shot at it and there would be millions of people watching, but I actually felt sick before we walked onto the field. Once the music started though it was like this calm came over me and everything just melted away."

While Rachel had worked her way around the room Puck had taken the opportunity to put JP's plate of food on the coffee table and now stood watching her with a smirk on his face and a dark look in his eyes. She looked absolutely beautiful today. Her dark brown hair fell in soft curls around her face and she was wearing a tight, white, off-the-shoulder dress that accentuated the olive tint to her skin. He saw her glance his way as she finished speaking to her fathers and he could tell from the flash in her own brown eyes that she knew exactly what he was thinking. If they had been alone they'd be making good use of the private room.

"So what did you think?" she asked quietly as she walked to her husband and grasped his left hand in hers, playing gently with the ring on his finger, a habit she'd picked up over the last few years. Puck smiled as he pulled her close to him and pressed his nose into her soft curls taking in a deep breath of the honeysuckle shampoo she was now using.

"I don't really remember anything," Puck whispered against her ear. At the chuckle and light slap she gave him he pulled her flush against him and gave her a tender kiss. He wanted it to be deeper. He wanted to pull her down on the leather couch and make her scream his name. But her fathers, Sammy, and their son were only a few feet away so he kept it PG, but ran his fingers surreptitiously over her hip to let her know what he really wanted. He felt her smile against his lips before he pulled back and told her, "You were perfect babe."

They spent the rest of the early evening intermittently watching the game and visiting and playing with the boys. When it was obvious that the Indians were going to win and JP started throwing a fit about everything Rachel turned to Puck and whispered that they should head to the hotel. Her fathers decided to stay and finish watching the game and they all hugged goodbye as Puck and Rachel moved around the room checking to make sure they'd repacked all of the things that went with traveling with a two-year old.

That night, as Puck watched Rachel settle JP in for the night and help tuck Sammy in beside him in the hotel room, he thought about how much he loved this woman that had turned his world upside down. He thought about the years he'd spent without her and how certain he was that he'd never want to live through anything like that again. She was it for him. After she slipped into bed he pulled her close, wrapping his arm protectively around her belly as he nuzzled her neck from behind. "How you feeling babe?" he whispered against her ear as he placed a soft kiss to her jaw.

"Good. I'm not nearly as sick as I was with Joshua. I think maybe this one's a girl. How would you feel about that?" she whispered back as she gently ghosted her fingertips across his hand resting against her belly.

"You know I just want both of you to be healthy." Puck laced a few more kisses along her neck before he smiled and admitted, "But it would be really awesome to have a daughter. You know, one I actually get to raise." He felt her squeeze his hand in reassurance and he pulled her even closer to him so their bodies were now molded together. He listened as her breath began to even out and just before she drifted off to sleep he heard her whisper, "I love you Noah."

"I love you Rachel," he whispered back as he felt her body relax as she found sleep. It took him longer to fall asleep. It was supposed to be just a fun day, but it had ended up reminding him of a lot of things about their past and now he couldn't help but reflect on how far they had come and the future he was looking forward to with the woman in his arms.

She had been right all those years ago. Their relationship wasn't easy and it wasn't happily ever after. It was a daily roller coaster of scheduling time to be together, of arguing over miscommunications and different ideas on how things should be done. It was both of them working hard to put the other person first and making sure that they were included in decisions that would affect all of them. It wasn't a fairy tale. It was a life lived together and really neither of them would have wanted it any other way.


End file.
